Interpret this online dating behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So then do I just ignore his texts? I don't text him unless he texts me.

He's keeping a few sticks in the fire in case girl#1 or girl#2 don't work out. I've had the same thing happen to me (I'm male).

[Anonymous]

If you ignore his texts hell think you're uninterested and move on for sure. I agree with the pp who said to suggest a specific date, but I'm not into gender roles and I tend to be direct about things. It generally works out in my favor.

[Anonymous]

OP - what does he text about? A quick hello? And that's it?

You mentioned the texts got flirty. Sexting? Because if so there's your answer.

[Anonymous]

Most likely he is keeping several women around at once. OP, you do not need to ignore his texts, but do not engage in flirtation that goes nowhere.
Respond like this: "Great to hear from you. Hope your day is going well. If you're interested in that real date sometime, let me know."

Ball in his court. if he does not propose a real date, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So then do I just ignore his texts? I don't text him unless he texts me.

Don't ignore him, just let him make the next move and, in the meantime, keep yourself available for other opportunities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - what does he text about? A quick hello? And that's it?

You mentioned the texts got flirty. Sexting? Because if so there's your answer.

No, I don't sext. Just things like him saying "it's so cold you will have to keep me warm."

Thanks, all, for the advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Most likely he is keeping several women around at once. OP, you do not need to ignore his texts, but do not engage in flirtation that goes nowhere.
Respond like this: "Great to hear from you. Hope your day is going well. If you're interested in that real date sometime, let me know."

Ball in his court. if he does not propose a real date, move on.

Maybe not that cold -- but yeah give him two or three chances to actually suggest a meeting and then otherwise move on. He probably has a few other irons in the fire but wants to keep you on the back burner. This is probably okay, you probably do the same thing too -- or should.

An interested guy is going to make an effort to actually meet up. And then meet up again. An interested woman is going to make an effort to meet that guy and offer concrete alternatives if a suggested date doesn't work ("Oh, I'm going to my cousin's wedding on Saturday and won't get back until 10pm. Why not meet on Sunday?")

I'm also going to stay that if a girl (or a guy!) isn't interested, that behavior (e.g. texting the next day after a date, proposing a second date a few days after the first date, etc.) is going to be "stalkery."

[Anonymous]

My point is that enough women attribute stalking or other malicious motivation to a simple imbalance of interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're on hold. I second going radio silent and moving on. It doesn't mean he won't resurface later on, but at this point it's not worth pursuing him or giving him much thought.

Agree with this.

I liked online dating in midlife, after my divorce. I think the trick is not taking people like this too seriously. And always, always have other options - others waiting to replace them if they don't work out!

It's fun. I kind of miss the excitement sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Hi there,

He probably just wanted sex and since you did not give it to him after a third date, he decided I was not worth it.
Also, he has other options and you're probably a backup plan.

I'd say, if you're not that invested, just go with the flow and have drama free fun. However, if you like this guy very much, I'd just delete and block him. This will save you tears.

He's not that into you. I'm sorry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ask "hey, are you free on x,y or z date for..." and see what he says. If that isn't followed through, I would move on.

+1. You invite him on a date, give a specific time and place. THEN the ball is in his court and he can do one of the following: accept your invitation, offer another time he's free, or decline/give a non-committal ghosty answer, or just not respond at all. If it's the latter two then he's just not that interested and you can move on.

When I was single and dating I was always trying to figure out if I was being ghosted or not. It was exhausting. I met my DH shortly after deciding to stop playing those games and just to live in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Ask him when would work to get together. Stop texting back and forth--unless you want a penpal and not a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Three dates in quick succession. Lunch, dinner, lunch. Second date (dinner) was followed by a nice stroll around town and some hand holding and kissing. After third date he said it was time for a real date. Then the holidays intervened.

We were supposed to see each other last week, and he begged off sick.

We then text bantered about doing something next weekend. Several flirty texts went back and forth about that. I also suggested we get together one night this week for another walk since it had been so long since we had seen each other. He said it sounded good but has not yet made a specific plan, although I invited him to.

I get a short text every day at least and sometimes it turns into a text exchange. He did text me at midnight on NYE.

I can't for the life of me figure out if he's really interested or just back burnering me until he sees how something else works out. He does not give off a player vibe and has been respectful, so I doubt he's juggling 6 people, but I guess no one ever thinks it is that.

Have I mentioned how much online dating sucks in middle age? It was so much easier when you just met people and got to know them in real life, but of course everyone is married now and the divorced set is forced online. Sigh.

I would stop responding completely and let him contact me 1-3 times. Don't feel bad- I bet you're way cuter than you give yourself
credit for!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask "hey, are you free on x,y or z date for..." and see what he says. If that isn't followed through, I would move on.

+1. You invite him on a date, give a specific time and place. THEN the ball is in his court and he can do one of the following: accept your invitation, offer another time he's free, or decline/give a non-committal ghosty answer, or just not respond at all. If it's the latter two then he's just not that interested and you can move on.

When I was single and dating I was always trying to figure out if I was being ghosted or not. It was exhausting. I met my DH shortly after deciding to stop playing those games and just to live in the moment.

Don't do any of this. Stop responding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ask "hey, are you free on x,y or z date for..." and see what he says. If that isn't followed through, I would move on.

+1. You invite him on a date, give a specific time and place. THEN the ball is in his court and he can do one of the following: accept your invitation, offer another time he's free, or decline/give a non-committal ghosty answer, or just not respond at all. If it's the latter two then he's just not that interested and you can move on.

When I was single and dating I was always trying to figure out if I was being ghosted or not. It was exhausting. I met my DH shortly after deciding to stop playing those games and just to live in the moment.

Don't do any of this. Stop responding.

Seriously. You want to keep the ball in your court.