If you work full-time, does your DH...

[Anonymous]

Fill out camp or school forms? No. I do them.

Buy DCs' clothes? Yes. Sometimes. But we ususally do it together.

Do school applications? No. I do them.

Plan/schedule/pay for after school activities? Rarely. I usually find the activity and do the enrolling.

Schedule all doctor's/dentist's appointments? I do most of the doctors visits and he does dental visits.

Coordinate with babysitters? Yes - he does most of this.

He does all of the laundry, the outside yard work, the cleaning of the garage, and 1/2 of the house cleaning.

[Anonymous]

I work nearly FT in a demanding career. At home, I do it all as well. All the arrangements, forms, bills (don't trust him to pay them), social plans, meals, whatever we need to make the household run.

If I give him a grocery list, he will get groceries.

If I get the laundry started, he will fold.

If I remind him, he will water the lawn.

If I give him checks to deposit, they might get deposited.

If something needs to be fixed, he can sometimes do it, but never without me asking.

We have a housekeeper who cleans weekly, and thankfully, we have a great nanny who can do all the daily stuff for the kids and does their laundry.

Do we enable them to be this way? Or is it inevitable...

[Anonymous]

I do all those things you listed myself, however, husband does his own laundry/dry cleaning, maintains the cars and is required to fully assemble all the crap for kids that comes in boxes.

[Anonymous]

Hmmmm.... this post really got me thinking. I don't think I've stopped moving long enough to realize what a good deal my guy is getting.

In the AM, he gets puppy fed and takes her outside for 1st pee/poop of the morning; leaves for work before we get up. I get myself and DS out the door; I drop-off/ pick-up DS everyday. I do all the weekend grocery shopping (except he will come with me to Costco) and cook dinner almost every night or set up the crock pot for next day. He bathes DS each night, reads books. He mostly cleans kitchen/ straightens toys while I am putting DS to bed. I start all the laundry, fold 85% of the time and put away. We have dry cleaning pickup/ drop off at the house. We have a cleaning lady but one of us will briefly run the vacuum each weekend. I tend to straighten/ de-clutter more than he does. He does all outside chore work.

Sheesh! The scales are totally tipped. I think he has bought DS a shirt like once. However, I have a 14 mile round trip commute and he has 120 mile round trip commute. He is also getting his MBA so I try to give him a little extra slack... at least until he graduates. Or until I give birth in 12 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No to everything except tools and fixing stuff. I practically married Bob Vila. He can build anything and is probably more handy and detailed with his finish work than more contractors.

I will GLADLY take care of all kids related concerns, because he saved us 10s of thousands of dollars remodeling our kitchen himself (and it was a MAJOR remodel that actually changed the footprint of the kitchen and moved a load bearing wall). We each have our jurisdictions and our defined "roles" make for a pretty harmonious household.

Same here. I suck at finances and electronics, and both are my husbands forte. I manage the house and he manages everything outside our 4 walls (cars, lawn), in addition to the finances and dvd players. Works for us!

However, he can't build me a new kitchen.....damn, I need to get rid of him!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fill out camp or school forms?

Buy DCs' clothes?

Do school applications?

Plan/schedule/pay for after school activities?

Schedule all doctor's/dentist's appointments?

Coordinate with babysitters?

Geez Louise, how is it I became the queen of scheduling, paperwork and internet clothes shopping?

He does other things, like fix things with those things I think are called tools, but I woud so love it if he would do the stupid forms just once! (Although if he did he would call me with ten questions...)

Just curious if these things are generally just a mom thing or if some of you have DHs that actually do the administrative work?

That is exactly the reason I tend to do most of the administrative stuff in our household. Also, I like setting the agenda in those areas, and if I'm doing all the work, then I generally get to set the agenda. It used to bother me that he didn't do any of these things, so I handed a few of these tasks off to him - e.g., setting up 529 accounts. They got done fine, but on the other hand, I have no idea where he filed the paperwork or how to even access the account. In the end though, I do these things because I dont mind doing them, I'm better at doing them, and I like to have them done "my way". So I just make sure that DH gets stuck with all the manual tasks that I hate or that are just harder for me because they require height/strength/experience with tools. He also probably does more picking up and everyday cleaning (mostly dishes) than I do.

[Anonymous]

DH here - my wife works full time. Do I:
Fill out camp or school forms? 80% of the time
Buy DCs' clothes? 50%
Do school applications? 80%
Plan/schedule/pay for after school activities? 20% (other moms prefer to hear from a mom)
Schedule all doctor's/dentist's appointments? 100%, and I take them to all these appointments
Coordinate with babysitters? 50%

[Anonymous]

My DH washes the dishes after dinner. That's it. DH works very long hours. I SAHMed for several years, so we fell into a pattern of me taking on all home and family responsibilities. Then I worked part-time and started to feel the pinch-- housework and laundry all weekend, errands or child activities every evening. Now I have a full-time schedule in addition to all home responsibilities, but still have to field some irritation when I ask him to come home "early" by six once a week to cover childcare while I take an evening class.

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn't do those things but it's not because I'm the woman-- it's because I am the organized one about paperwork, which is why I do our bills and taxes too.

Here's what my husband does:
--Most dog walking
--Cleans dishes/loads and unloads dishwasher
--trash and recycling
--deals with electricians/repair people
--maintains our sanity-saving hot tub
--fixes the minor plumbing matters that pop up every other day in our 1925 house
--picks up extra things like bread/milk on the way home per my request
--maintains our computers including software updates and any de-bugging and problem-solving
--arranges travel including hotels, flights, etc.

We are very fortunate in that we can afford a cleaner every two weeks. In between cleanings things get a bit untidy but we are too busy to get upset about it.

I do more pick-ups and drop-offs than he does but when we're home we give about equal time to child care. I do most of the cooking but I LOVE to cook. We do grocery shopping all together (a family that eats free samples together stays together!).

We definitely have different responsibilities but it mostly breaks down to what we like / are good at rather than all being dumped on me.

[Anonymous]

Buy DCs' clothes? Only if I send him a link so he can buy stuff online. I have to pick it out but he'll get it when it's his turn. He doesn't like to pick stuff out. I will put her outfits together for the morning and he will dress her if I don't have time.

Do school applications? Yep, his memory is much better than mine when it comes to remembering to do admin work.

Plan/schedule/pay for after school activities? He's in charge of all sports related activities. We take turns going to practice but both attend plays, recitals, etc.

Schedule all doctor's/dentist's appointments? I make the appointments but we alternate on who takes DD.

Coordinate with babysitters? No, I handle all babysitting arrangements.

I guess I'm lucky. DH has been involved from day one. It was always important to him that he have a bond with DD early on. He does the cooking and I do all of the cleaning. I count my blessings everyday.

[Anonymous]

Seems like a lot more diversity than I'd realized. A good lesson here may be not to draw conclusions about how people are generally based on just your own individual experience. Just because you think your own husband doesn't do enough to help does not mean that all (or even most) husbands don't do much. And that's without even getting into the question of whether husbands would agree that they don't do much -- I suspect that many dads could reply with long lists of things they do for moms, which aren't covered on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot more diversity than I'd realized. A good lesson here may be not to draw conclusions about how people are generally based on just your own individual experience. Just because you think your own husband doesn't do enough to help does not mean that all (or even most) husbands don't do much. And that's without even getting into the question of whether husbands would agree that they don't do much -- I suspect that many dads could reply with long lists of things they do for moms, which aren't covered on this thread.

I agree. I think I saw a survey once which asked each spouse how much of the households tasks they did. It always added up to more than 100% (usually both sides thought they did the majority). I try to keep that in mind when I feel like DH is not doing as much. Also, we both work full-time but my schedule is much more flexible than his and I always get home an hour or more before he does. So that makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot more diversity than I'd realized. A good lesson here may be not to draw conclusions about how people are generally based on just your own individual experience. Just because you think your own husband doesn't do enough to help does not mean that all (or even most) husbands don't do much. And that's without even getting into the question of whether husbands would agree that they don't do much -- I suspect that many dads could reply with long lists of things they do for moms, which aren't covered on this thread.

I agree as well. Though I take care of kids and things inside the walls of our home, my DH does A LOT. Especially when it comes to our unwieldy and large yard, home repairs, cars, finances, and anything that required brute strength. I'm so appreciative of my husband and you can count me out of the circle of complainers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a lot more diversity than I'd realized. A good lesson here may be not to draw conclusions about how people are generally based on just your own individual experience. Just because you think your own husband doesn't do enough to help does not mean that all (or even most) husbands don't do much. And that's without even getting into the question of whether husbands would agree that they don't do much -- I suspect that many dads could reply with long lists of things they do for moms, which aren't covered on this thread.

I agree as well. Though I take care of kids and things inside the walls of our home, my DH does A LOT. Especially when it comes to our unwieldy and large yard, home repairs, cars, finances, and anything that required brute strength. I'm so appreciative of my husband and you can count me out of the circle of complainers.

I have no (legitimate) complaints either. My DH does A LOT. And not just a lot "for a man."

We have help with the house cleaning (2x month) but he picks up most of the daily clutter, washes just as many bottles as I do, cleans up the kitchen about 50% of the time, does the trash and recycling, most of the pediatrician appointments, all drop off and pick up (daycare is in his building), and about 90% of Target runs, etc.

We do groceries 50/50, he does all the yard work, takes care of all home repair/maintanence (either does it himself or organizes the outside folks that come in and does the waiting at home for them).

He also does most of the cooking. I am usually up with our 12 month old in the morning but he feeds her breakfast, gets her dressed about 1/2 the time, and gets her packed for daycare.

Wow - now I'm wondering what do I do more of? I guess I do more of the baby baths and I'm in charge of baby dinner, first and last bottle, and the bedtime routine.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm, I'm jealous. My husband tends to leave early and come home late, so I get the kids ready for daycare and school and do the dropoff almost every day. I also do pickup most days, shlep the kids to their events on weekends, etc. I do all the cooking and most of the shopping, but DH does some and will often do Costco runs by himself. He is supposed to do the dishes, but this does not always happen--at least without prompting. I do all the medical and forms, etc. DH does the grilling and most of the finances. We have a cleaner 2x/week and yard service. He changes the light bulbs, but if anything needs fixing, I usually fix it (very limited skills) or hire the person to take care of it. He will take the lead on projects he is really interested in -- a kitchen remodel, installing lighting, etc. But he often tries to delegate to me! I wish he would do more in the house and with the kids . . .this is a constant issue for us. Oh--one more thing DH does--billing disputes and negotiating prices--he's very good at that!