2nd grade DD worried about parents dying during school day - how to reassure?

[Anonymous]

I just replied, but wanted to add, for this specific fear, it could help to explain to your child what would happen if you die. Our son has had this fear (but not daily), and while he would miss us, his real fear is being left alone with no one to take care of him. So we went through who would take care of him, who would take care of him if they died, etc. We went through his long list of relatives and friends and reassured him that he would be OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly we don't have control over what happens to our lives but how can we make her feel safe at school knowing we are ok? She's just starting to comprehend that life isn't permanent after the loss of her dear friend's grandmother.

She doesn't have a cell phone so texting her midday isn't an option. Any ideas?

I'd try ridicule.

"That's ridiculous, Larla. Dad and I are not going to die today. Don't be so dramatic."

Because ridicule helps a child with so many different problems? Are you insane?

[Anonymous]

21:45 has some great suggestions. I used a book with my son, I'll attach the link. It's a guidebook for the kids kind of. They draw their worries, write them down, wrote what will happen after. It was very helpful for my son.


https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1591473144/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483610558&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=what+to+do+when+you+worry+too+much&dpPl=1&dpID=51kmpp5bl5L&ref=plSrch

[Anonymous]

I was like that. Take her to a counselor. For me this was the first of a lifetime of anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Mental health clinician here, who specializes in anxiety. None of us can diagnose what's going on with your kid definitively w/o a full work up, and w/o that, advice is not very useful. That said, this sounds a bit like excessive worries (which *may* meet criteria for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but again, a full eval is needed), which are common in kids. If this has been going on for a while and is starting to really bother her or interfere with her life (e.g., sleep problems, concentration problems at school, withdrawn), I'd take her to a child psychiatrist or child psychologist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to freak you out, but please bring this up with your ped and try to get a psych referral. This is a huge red flag with regards to anxiety issues, and if your DD has them, the sooner she gets into treatment the better. You want her to develop coping mechanisms before her developing brain spends too much time trapped in anxious thought cycles. This is not something to wait and see on.

As someone with anxiety, I totally agree. My mom just called me a "worrier", but it can be really debilitating.

[Anonymous]

This was me when I was a kid. It was anxiety. I really wish someone had seen it as such and treated it.

Please set up an appointment with a therapist who specializes in treating kids with anxiety. There are ways to treat it - and they are exactly the opposite of what your instincts are leading you to do. (Reassuring only makes the anxiety worse.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me when I was a kid. It was anxiety. I really wish someone had seen it as such and treated it.

Please set up an appointment with a therapist who specializes in treating kids with anxiety. There are ways to treat it - and they are exactly the opposite of what your instincts are leading you to do. (Reassuring only makes the anxiety worse.)

+1. Parents calling/texting during the day, etc. only lets the kid know that there must be something "real" to worry about. It just validates the excessive fears and helps maintain them. A behavioral therapist that specializes in anxiety will help the child (and parents) by giving them tools to manage the anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Chiming in with the suggestion to talk to her counselor and set up an appt. for yourselves with a child psych specialist. The appointment for you is to help evaluate what is going on and what you can do to help your child. We aren't born with the knowledge of how to deal with things like this. If the person you meet with wants to see your kid, PLEASE take them in. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong your child. It could save everyone a lot of stress to start working on this sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe a talk is in order about how grandparents are more likely to die than parents because they are older and more likely to be sick. So that just because someone's grandparent died at 70 doesn't mean she has to worry about you dying at 40.

Maybe it would help to talk about your plans for what happens if you or your husband die. My daughter knows that if something happens to me, she lives with dad. If something happens to dad, she lives with me. If something happens to both of us, which is unlikely since we don't travel together, she lives with her favorite cousin and her family. We've had to discuss this because dad frequently deploys to dangerous places. (which is also how she knows about body armor and weapons and base security.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:21:45 has some great suggestions. I used a book with my son, I'll attach the link. It's a guidebook for the kids kind of. They draw their worries, write them down, wrote what will happen after. It was very helpful for my son.


https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1591473144/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483610558&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=what+to+do+when+you+worry+too+much&dpPl=1&dpID=51kmpp5bl5L&ref=plSrch

Get this book. It will be good for both you and your daughter.


It sounds like there was a precipitating event, but I would still take her to a therapist or psychologist to help her learn how to manage anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly we don't have control over what happens to our lives but how can we make her feel safe at school knowing we are ok? She's just starting to comprehend that life isn't permanent after the loss of her dear friend's grandmother.

She doesn't have a cell phone so texting her midday isn't an option. Any ideas?

I'd try ridicule.

"That's ridiculous, Larla. Dad and I are not going to die today. Don't be so dramatic."

Because ridicule helps a child with so many different problems? Are you insane?

Agree ridicule will not help.

Also, I think we all know that it can happen. No one knows when they're number is up. I did have a friend who got home from school on day only to find her mother dead from an aneurysm. Completely unexpected and tragic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not to freak you out, but please bring this up with your ped and try to get a psych referral. This is a huge red flag with regards to anxiety issues, and if your DD has them, the sooner she gets into treatment the better. You want her to develop coping mechanisms before her developing brain spends too much time trapped in anxious thought cycles. This is not something to wait and see on.

As someone with anxiety, I totally agree. My mom just called me a "worrier", but it can be really debilitating.

I'm an adult with severe anxiety and this was one of my fears as a child. Not to alarm you, and I'm a fully functional adult now, but this can be a symptom of larger issues. I'm not personally a fan of CBT but it may be worth looking into a therapist that specializes in it for kids. I had major separation anxiety later on (until college, when I was medicated for what is now clearly GAD) and this was an early symptom. Do NOT contact her during the day - get her coping mechanisms she can use on her own. I wore a pin of my mom's inside my shirt hem that I remember helping a lot.

[Anonymous]

You already have some great advice on here. I agree with talking to the school counselor. He/She will give you some advice on what is available for your DD at school. He/She may also know of some other steps you can take at home. Hang in there!