Teen struggling with driving

[Anonymous]

The parent/child relationship does not result in a good driving instruction experience (generally). My bet is she just feels a lot of pressure with her mom or dad sitting next to her and would do far, far better with a neutral teacher. Like a fun uncle or aunt.

I've taught tons of people to drive who couldn't otherwise learn being taught by spouses and parents. And its always the case that they are scared they're going to get yelled at for making a mistake or doing something "stupid".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:kids don't care about getting licences these days.

just get an uber account and live in a city.

Ridiculous. All five of our kids had permits at 15 and got their licenses literally the day they turned 16. DC is the only place we have ever lived where kids aren't counting the days till they get their license. And we have lived in huge cities all over the world. It has nothing to do with living in a city and everything to do with weirdly overprotective parents who simply do not know how to let kids grow up. Just look around at the number of 5 year olds in strollers.

OP, she will become a better driver when she has no choice. It's hard to let go and trust they they will get better, but they do. Experience driving without anyone else in the car builds confidence. My oldest is 27 and my youngest is 17. In all those years we have only had one accident and it was very minor. The kid I worried about the most turned out to be the best city driver. She lives in Old Town and drives all over DC and NoVA.

Diving encourages independence. There are so many places in the world without public transportation. She'll get it! She just needs the confidence that only comes with experience.

[Anonymous]

OP - If you and DH continue to give her road experience through the winter months and do not see a difference, then do not wait until summer, but line up a driving instructor in the spring. I would also go a lot by the driving instructor's evaluation of her driving rather than your pressure to have a full-time driver by September. If she is just not mentally there in full attention by that time, why would you risk her life and that of all of your children? Furthermore, besides learning to pay attention to the road and navigate it, it does not seem on an admittedly weak driver fair to anyone on the road to add siblings and how they are likely to be behaving. And please God no one in the front passenger seat as that is the person most likely to get hurt in a crash. I really, really think you and DH need to "back off" on any expectation of her driving by any end date.

If she does well with an instructor then there should be a period of time of her driving herself only, BUT with you or DH conveniently driving with her to observe if she has improved. Then a reexamination of when she can take siblings. Don't be foolish with this important life skill. If you have managed to get all your kids to school as of now, you two adults can continue to do so and not put this added dimension to distracted driving on your oldest child's plate. And what about how she really would or would not be on a cell phone or have the radio or whatever going. Driving is not something that you place a deadline on anyone to learn as somebody else could be impacted by your impractical decision.

[Anonymous]

Don't wait for the summer for a private instructor. Do it now so he/she can give her expert tips on driving in bad weather, etc. I'm not judging but it seems that the current arrangement isn't working. I love my dd but I could never teach her how to drive and neither could dh. She thinks she knows everything and she knows nothing. We will have to outsource everything.

[Anonymous]

The only person I knew that was a truly bad driver was a friend of mine. She died in a car accident at 19. He parents decided she should commute to school instead of living on campus. She died two weeks later.
I'm thrilled my kids have no interest in driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:kids don't care about getting licences these days.

just get an uber account and live in a city.

I wish our situation made that possible! We are counting on her being a full-on driver by September. That means driving herself to work and driving her siblings to school. Of ciyrse we won't force it if she's not ready by then, but I am really starting to wonder if she will ever be ready. She really is that bad!

Wow you are a selfish parent. Don't expect her to do your work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:kids don't care about getting licences these days.

just get an uber account and live in a city.

Ridiculous. All five of our kids had permits at 15 and got their licenses literally the day they turned 16. DC is the only place we have ever lived where kids aren't counting the days till they get their license. And we have lived in huge cities all over the world. It has nothing to do with living in a city and everything to do with weirdly overprotective parents who simply do not know how to let kids grow up. Just look around at the number of 5 year olds in strollers.

OP, she will become a better driver when she has no choice. It's hard to let go and trust they they will get better, but they do. Experience driving without anyone else in the car builds confidence. My oldest is 27 and my youngest is 17. In all those years we have only had one accident and it was very minor. The kid I worried about the most turned out to be the best city driver. She lives in Old Town and drives all over DC and NoVA.

Diving encourages independence. There are so many places in the world without public transportation. She'll get it! She just needs the confidence that only comes with experience.

When did your teens get their licenses? I got my license at 19 in 1986-87 and I had no desire to learn earlier. We lived in Philly with expensive car insurance and only had one car. Philly has an excellent bus/train system so I was independent despite not knowing how to drive.

I still think 15-16 is too young for a driver's license especially now with the distracted driver and the angry people out there. A good friend of mine is over 50 and never learned or wanted to drive. She has a job and is quite independent so your theory about overprotective parents is not true for everyone.

Yes, I have teens but they aren't going to learn until at least 19 or older. Also have no desire to learn either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can afford it, sign her up for more instruction with I Drive Smart, or similar.

My DD is exactly the same way and we are paying for more hours before we do any more driving with her. It's terrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:kids don't care about getting licences these days.

just get an uber account and live in a city.

Ridiculous. All five of our kids had permits at 15 and got their licenses literally the day they turned 16. DC is the only place we have ever lived where kids aren't counting the days till they get their license. And we have lived in huge cities all over the world. It has nothing to do with living in a city and everything to do with weirdly overprotective parents who simply do not know how to let kids grow up. Just look around at the number of 5 year olds in strollers.

OP, she will become a better driver when she has no choice. It's hard to let go and trust they they will get better, but they do. Experience driving without anyone else in the car builds confidence. My oldest is 27 and my youngest is 17. In all those years we have only had one accident and it was very minor. The kid I worried about the most turned out to be the best city driver. She lives in Old Town and drives all over DC and NoVA.

Diving encourages independence. There are so many places in the world without public transportation. She'll get it! She just needs the confidence that only comes with experience.

When did your teens get their licenses? I got my license at 19 in 1986-87 and I had no desire to learn earlier. We lived in Philly with expensive car insurance and only had one car. Philly has an excellent bus/train system so I was independent despite not knowing how to drive.

I still think 15-16 is too young for a driver's license especially now with the distracted driver and the angry people out there. A good friend of mine is over 50 and never learned or wanted to drive. She has a job and is quite independent so your theory about overprotective parents is not true for everyone.

Yes, I have teens but they aren't going to learn until at least 19 or older. Also have no desire to learn either!

When did they get their license? Like I said - The day they turned 16. Like literally on their 16th birthday. The had held their permits for a full year and were ready to drive independently when they turned 16.

[Anonymous]

I think she isn't ready and it is dangerous to put your other children in the car with her. I would follow her lead, make other arrangements for school and aim for driving at 17 or 18.

[Anonymous]

driving school

and no passengers other than the supervising adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:kids don't care about getting licences these days.

just get an uber account and live in a city.

Ridiculous. All five of our kids had permits at 15 and got their licenses literally the day they turned 16. DC is the only place we have ever lived where kids aren't counting the days till they get their license. And we have lived in huge cities all over the world. It has nothing to do with living in a city and everything to do with weirdly overprotective parents who simply do not know how to let kids grow up. Just look around at the number of 5 year olds in strollers.

OP, she will become a better driver when she has no choice. It's hard to let go and trust they they will get better, but they do. Experience driving without anyone else in the car builds confidence. My oldest is 27 and my youngest is 17. In all those years we have only had one accident and it was very minor. The kid I worried about the most turned out to be the best city driver. She lives in Old Town and drives all over DC and NoVA.

Diving encourages independence. There are so many places in the world without public transportation. She'll get it! She just needs the confidence that only comes with experience.

When did your teens get their licenses? I got my license at 19 in 1986-87 and I had no desire to learn earlier. We lived in Philly with expensive car insurance and only had one car. Philly has an excellent bus/train system so I was independent despite not knowing how to drive.

I still think 15-16 is too young for a driver's license especially now with the distracted driver and the angry people out there. A good friend of mine is over 50 and never learned or wanted to drive. She has a job and is quite independent so your theory about overprotective parents is not true for everyone.

Yes, I have teens but they aren't going to learn until at least 19 or older. Also have no desire to learn either!

When did they get their license? Like I said - The day they turned 16. Like literally on their 16th birthday. The had held their permits for a full year and were ready to drive independently when they turned 16.

You misunderstood the question. When I said when did they get their license I meant what YEAR did they get their licence? 1987? 1998? 2002? Do you have Quints? Otherwise they did not get their licence on the same day and the same year.

You may not believe this but, teens are no longer "looking forward" to driving at 16 especially if they live in a city like NY or DC. I'm not saying "all" but a good majority of teens don't see this as any expression of independence. They have uber, bikes, metro, buses, their feet, scooters etc. Soon they will have cars that drive you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The parent/child relationship does not result in a good driving instruction experience (generally). My bet is she just feels a lot of pressure with her mom or dad sitting next to her and would do far, far better with a neutral teacher. Like a fun uncle or aunt.

I've taught tons of people to drive who couldn't otherwise learn being taught by spouses and parents. And its always the case that they are scared they're going to get yelled at for making a mistake or doing something "stupid".

Oh totally. My mom was a DISASTER trying to teach me to drive- always convinced I was about to cross the yellow lines or whatever. She would hiss and clutch her eyes dramatically. She once encouraged me to blow through a yellow at a very wide and busy intersection as she would but then halfway through seemed to remember I was just learning and shouldn't. So she yelled STOP and I did and then she yelled at me for stopping. Hot mess express. I did much better when she finally just hired a private instructor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:kids don't care about getting licences these days.

just get an uber account and live in a city.

Ridiculous. All five of our kids had permits at 15 and got their licenses literally the day they turned 16. DC is the only place we have ever lived where kids aren't counting the days till they get their license. And we have lived in huge cities all over the world. It has nothing to do with living in a city and everything to do with weirdly overprotective parents who simply do not know how to let kids grow up. Just look around at the number of 5 year olds in strollers.

OP, she will become a better driver when she has no choice. It's hard to let go and trust they they will get better, but they do. Experience driving without anyone else in the car builds confidence. My oldest is 27 and my youngest is 17. In all those years we have only had one accident and it was very minor. The kid I worried about the most turned out to be the best city driver. She lives in Old Town and drives all over DC and NoVA.

Diving encourages independence. There are so many places in the world without public transportation. She'll get it! She just needs the confidence that only comes with experience.

PP is correct. Virginia suburbs here and the kids all talk about how their don't need to learn to drive because we will have autonomous cars in a few years. None of my kids friends have a dl at 16 and whatever months. Only a few of the kids have been out driving at all. We've been out with our kids and will hire a private company to do at least 2 rounds of training.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:kids don't care about getting licences these days.

just get an uber account and live in a city.

Ridiculous. All five of our kids had permits at 15 and got their licenses literally the day they turned 16. DC is the only place we have ever lived where kids aren't counting the days till they get their license. And we have lived in huge cities all over the world. It has nothing to do with living in a city and everything to do with weirdly overprotective parents who simply do not know how to let kids grow up. Just look around at the number of 5 year olds in strollers.

OP, she will become a better driver when she has no choice. It's hard to let go and trust they they will get better, but they do. Experience driving without anyone else in the car builds confidence. My oldest is 27 and my youngest is 17. In all those years we have only had one accident and it was very minor. The kid I worried about the most turned out to be the best city driver. She lives in Old Town and drives all over DC and NoVA.

Diving encourages independence. There are so many places in the world without public transportation. She'll get it! She just needs the confidence that only comes with experience.

When did your teens get their licenses? I got my license at 19 in 1986-87 and I had no desire to learn earlier. We lived in Philly with expensive car insurance and only had one car. Philly has an excellent bus/train system so I was independent despite not knowing how to drive.

I still think 15-16 is too young for a driver's license especially now with the distracted driver and the angry people out there. A good friend of mine is over 50 and never learned or wanted to drive. She has a job and is quite independent so your theory about overprotective parents is not true for everyone.

Yes, I have teens but they aren't going to learn until at least 19 or older. Also have no desire to learn either!

When did they get their license? Like I said - The day they turned 16. Like literally on their 16th birthday. The had held their permits for a full year and were ready to drive independently when they turned 16.

You misunderstood the question. When I said when did they get their license I meant what YEAR did they get their licence? 1987? 1998? 2002? Do you have Quints? Otherwise they did not get their licence on the same day and the same year.

You may not believe this but, teens are no longer "looking forward" to driving at 16 especially if they live in a city like NY or DC. I'm not saying "all" but a good majority of teens don't see this as any expression of independence. They have uber, bikes, metro, buses, their feet, scooters etc. Soon they will have cars that drive you!

NP. She said they range in age from 17-27 so that gives you an idea.

My son just turned 16 and he and all of his friends are very eager to get their licenses. We're in the suburbs so there's no metro. That definitely makes a big difference. And I am eager for him to drive, as well. It's very difficult getting three kids to all their activities on weeknights in all directions. Having him drive himself would ease that situation.