DH Xmas gifts to stepkids

[Anonymous]

Family budget discussion for sure.

[Anonymous]

Off topic: Op you married a man with 3 kids and I'm assuming you have none? Wow! you are brave. All these men with 1 or 2 kids keep trying to talk to me and I turn them all down. They are convinced because they are lawyers and doctors I'll some how change my mind. No thanks! It just seems like such a crazy drama zone.

On Topic: Your husband should've discussed expensive gifts with you. This is very concerning. He needs to respect you enough to ask your feedback. You are his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is DH competitive with his ExW about gift giving?

No, he's a Disneyland Dad bc he doesn't see kids that much so assuaged guilt with spendy gifts. If they break something pricey, they wait until Birthday or Xmas to ask for a replacement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH competitive with his ExW about gift giving?

No, he's a Disneyland Dad bc he doesn't see kids that much so assuaged guilt with spendy gifts. If they break something pricey, they wait until Birthday or Xmas to ask for a replacement.

Oh boy. I don't know if a rational thing like having a family budget is really going to solve an emotional problem, aka guilt. With the budget,would he let you shop for the gifts once you agreed on the items/budget to remove the temptation of him going over budget? Could you convince him the money not used on expensive electronics (for himself or others) could be put towards something like a nice family vacation with the stepkids or for them to come out to visit longer/an extra visit? He may do better with controlling the impulse if he knew it was at the expense of being able to do something that could benefit the kids like taking a nice vacation with the kids. Also, unless he sees that he is doing a disservice in the long run by giving the stepchild that isn't responsible multiple phones, it will be hard to overcome the guilt. Is he working on money management/budgeting with any of the kids? Maybe he would want to set an example if he is teaching them about it and he would want to walk the walk more.

As for the 11 year old with a brand new phone, I don't think you are winning that one. This may be the one and only time my child has gotten the latest/nicest gadget than us but we ended up spending the $240 for iPhone SE for our 12 year old. Neither of us really wanted to upgrade our phone AND there aren't the deals there used to be for iPhones with Verizon. I debated getting a cheaper phone like a Samsung, but DH pointed out since we had Apple for everything else and wanted to monitor text etc, it would be easier staying with the Apple family. My child is among the last of the girls to get a phone in her grade and everyone has 1001 reasons to justify it like if child has to take bus somewhere or to reach other parent when needed etc. So this is to say that unfortunately I can see how he ended up spending so much on the phone if he felt like he should give new over refurbished and wanted to stay with Apple and for whatever reason wasn't spending time monitoring/finding what few deals there were out there.

[Anonymous]

Your title is misleading. Your DH is buying gifts for his kids, not his step kids. My kids are 5 and 7 and we spend around 300 each for xmas. I can see it going up to 500 and even 1000 since electronics are expensive.

[Anonymous]

The phones in particular may represent your dh's main form of his communication with his kids, so I'd let that go. Also, I don't get the feeling you're close to your stepchildren. Are you? Also, is there also guilt from your DH's first marriage ending due to his having an affiar? An affair with you? With someone e rose? That guilt is very hard to get through, especially if he hasn't found a way to spend more of his time with his kids.