Family members started discussing last wills and testaments RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF CHRISTMAS DINNER!

[Anonymous]

Probably the only time the whole gang's together?

It's not morbid, it's good planning, meaning business, meaning not strictly polite conversation. But needs must.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the food was so bad they felt they had to get this out asap.

[Anonymous]

Wish I had known more about the irrevocable trust set up by my parent's shyster lawyer. Maybe I could have talked some sense into them, but by the time I found out it was too late.

[Anonymous]

You could come to Christmas dinner at my family's house where my sister spends the entire day saying "careful with that China, it's mine someday!", "youcounted all the forks when you put the silver back right? I don't want Amy missing pieces when it comes to me", "boys, don't wrestle near X piece of furniture! It's mine and I don't want it broken!"
It used to be a little funny, but it's not anymore as her list grows and grows

[Anonymous]

I think it's the perfect time to talk about it.

[Anonymous]

I don't see a problem with this.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. Dinner table was not the place or the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Just remind them all that Feline AIDS is the largest killer of domestic cats.

[Anonymous]

I'm not discussing it at all with my children. What's mine is mine and will be left to whomever I please according to my wishes. Not your business and certainly not a topic for the dinner table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not discussing it at all with my children. What's mine is mine and will be left to whomever I please according to my wishes. Not your business and certainly not a topic for the dinner table.

Right PP!! My parents never told us this stuff. First of all, what if something happens and the supposed inheritance is lost? You don't want your kids counting on money they may not get. When my mom died, they opened the will and we found out what we were left. It went well because there was no expectations for any of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not discussing it at all with my children. What's mine is mine and will be left to whomever I please according to my wishes. Not your business and certainly not a topic for the dinner table.

Right PP!! My parents never told us this stuff. First of all, what if something happens and the supposed inheritance is lost? You don't want your kids counting on money they may not get. When my mom died, they opened the will and we found out what we were left. It went well because there was no expectations for any of us.

There are important things to discuss, it's not just "who gets what." Do you have means or insurance for long-term care, nursing home, etc.? What are your end of life wishes and is that documented anywhere? Do you have a valid will, and trusts set up by a competent lawyer? Etc.

Too much family discord begins over financial end-of-life and estate issues that could have been avoided with planning and clear communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not discussing it at all with my children. What's mine is mine and will be left to whomever I please according to my wishes. Not your business and certainly not a topic for the dinner table.

Right PP!! My parents never told us this stuff. First of all, what if something happens and the supposed inheritance is lost? You don't want your kids counting on money they may not get. When my mom died, they opened the will and we found out what we were left. It went well because there was no expectations for any of us.

There are important things to discuss, it's not just "who gets what." Do you have means or insurance for long-term care, nursing home, etc.? What are your end of life wishes and is that documented anywhere? Do you have a valid will, and trusts set up by a competent lawyer? Etc.

Too much family discord begins over financial end-of-life and estate issues that could have been avoided with planning and clear communication.

Seriously that is none of your business. I know it is hard to accept, but unless your parents are senile and you have POA, you just can't control what they do.
My mom kept her long term care stuff separate from her will. My mom was an extremely organized person that thought ahead..I realize that a lot of people aren't like this. A living will is separate from a regular will. This is why you have an executor PP and you discuss this with him and your lawyer.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine had a similar complaint about 10 years ago- "I traveled to Canada to see my parents for Christmas and they wanted to talk about their wills and death arrangements!" He found it morbid, but having lost my father 2 years prior (who left very detailed instructions as to what to do upon his death, thank goodness), I told him they did that not because they think they're dying or want to be morbid. They did it because they want everything to go smoothly for their children- they want them to know where things are, what lawyer to call, if there are funeral trusts, etc etc. We don't make the best decisions/ have the best judgement in times of crisis or emergency, so it is infinitely helpful to know what the first/ next steps are if a parent dies. I was completely unprepared, and would have been lost at sea had my father not spelled it out (he lived in a different state, I didn't know where his bank accounts were, who his lawyer was, etc etc and wouldn't have, unless he told me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not discussing it at all with my children. What's mine is mine and will be left to whomever I please according to my wishes. Not your business and certainly not a topic for the dinner table.

Right PP!! My parents never told us this stuff. First of all, what if something happens and the supposed inheritance is lost? You don't want your kids counting on money they may not get. When my mom died, they opened the will and we found out what we were left. It went well because there was no expectations for any of us.

There are important things to discuss, it's not just "who gets what." Do you have means or insurance for long-term care, nursing home, etc.? What are your end of life wishes and is that documented anywhere? Do you have a valid will, and trusts set up by a competent lawyer? Etc.

Too much family discord begins over financial end-of-life and estate issues that could have been avoided with planning and clear communication.

Seriously that is none of your business. I know it is hard to accept, but unless your parents are senile and you have POA, you just can't control what they do.
My mom kept her long term care stuff separate from her will. My mom was an extremely organized person that thought ahead..I realize that a lot of people aren't like this. A living will is separate from a regular will. This is why you have an executor PP and you discuss this with him and your lawyer.

What? You are jumping to a lot of erroneous conclusions based on my comment. Personally, I didn't ask my parents about any of this, try to control their decisions, or even give any input; they chose to share the information because they felt it was important for their adult children to know.

My point was that too many people don't plan ahead (which you said in your reply, so...). As a result, their loved ones are left with a lot of unnecessary pain and complication. IMO it's good for families to get in the habit of open communication about these issues, since we'll all get old and die someday. That's all I was saying - you may disagree, but that doesn't mean I'm advocating controlling people and getting in their business. I am clearly not.

[Anonymous]

Not a big deal, my sister reminded my dad at xmas eve cocktails to get his paperwork organized so he can be buried at Arlington.