If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

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12/20/2016 20:53

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I email the OW's H.

I divorced.

Wow, what happened on their side? Was it a ONS or worse ? Wait, you would, or you did? (you wrote email not emailed)

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12/20/2016 21:00

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I email the OW's H.

I divorced.

Wow, what happened on their side? Was it a ONS or worse ? Wait, you would, or you did? (you wrote email not emailed)

Sorry, I emailed, past tense.

He was Ivy League big law so he stayed married ... Not sure if he didn't want to lose 1/2 or why he stayed.

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12/20/2016 22:27

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:No, but my spouse would tell their spouse.

I did just that. Found out about DH's AP (not the first one unfortunately) and informed her husband.

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12/20/2016 22:32

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but my spouse would tell their spouse.

I did just that. Found out about DH's AP (not the first one unfortunately) and informed her husband.

I did this and the husband didn't believe me. Told me to get my facts straight.

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12/21/2016 03:23

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

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Anonymous

I did and needless to say it was a terrible thing to do. Please don't unleash drama on an unsuspecting spouse like that. You already fucked their DH/DW. That damage is done, take your ball and go home, I beg you.

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12/21/2016 08:05

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I did and needless to say it was a terrible thing to do. Please don't unleash drama on an unsuspecting spouse like that. You already fucked their DH/DW. That damage is done, take your ball and go home, I beg you.

It adds drama but don't faithful spouses deserve to know if their own husband or wife is sleeping with someone else? Especially if it's not a one-time mistake? It's got impact on their lives even if they'd never find out.

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12/21/2016 08:18

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I did and needless to say it was a terrible thing to do. Please don't unleash drama on an unsuspecting spouse like that. You already fucked their DH/DW. That damage is done, take your ball and go home, I beg you.

It is true the damage is done. However, the spouse does not know the damage has been done. The spouse is entitled to know. Not least because, once a cheater always a cheater. They might be done with YOU but they'll surely move on to someone else.

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12/21/2016 08:23

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Not least because, once a cheater always a cheater. They might be done with YOU but they'll surely move on to someone else.

This is a gross over generalization. It sounds like you got burned more than once. I'm sorry for that but it's not true of everyone.

- someone who cheated 15 years ago and has not cheated again (and won't)

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12/21/2016 08:33

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not least because, once a cheater always a cheater. They might be done with YOU but they'll surely move on to someone else.

This is a gross over generalization. It sounds like you got burned more than once. I'm sorry for that but it's not true of everyone.

- someone who cheated 15 years ago and has not cheated again (and won't)

but you are an outlier.

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12/21/2016 08:49

Subject: If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Not in a million years, no matter what he did. Why would I bring that kind of drama on myself? Expose myself and my kids to a pissed off wife? No way.

+1, except not in a million years even though he lied to me about his marriage status when we started but, despite that, I love and respect him too much not to throw that grenade into his marriage. The affair is over.

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12/21/2016 08:53

Subject: If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Hell no. Why invite the drama and potential (yet warranted) crazy behavior?

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12/21/2016 09:45

Subject: If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Probably not, because why would I want to end the playtime?

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12/21/2016 09:46

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

I am unmarried (no children) he is married (no children). I have imagined telling her, just to break up their marriage. However, I would never, ever do that in real life. I like my low-drama life. His wife is his problem.

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12/21/2016 10:28

Subject: Re:If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I am unmarried (no children) he is married (no children). I have imagined telling her, just to break up their marriage. However, I would never, ever do that in real life. I like my low-drama life. His wife is his problem.

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12/21/2016 10:37

Subject: If you have ever had a married AP, would you tell their spouse?

quote

Anonymous

I took the advice of many on here (or one very adamant poster) and visited the chump lady website. She says you should tell. https://www.chumplady.com/2013/11/dear-chump-lady-do-i-tell-his-wife-i-was-cheating-with-her-husband/