Adopting Syrian orphans

[Anonymous]

Bad* situations

[Anonymous]

I worked at an adoption agency after Haiti and something people also need to think about is that in a crisis like this, it's very hard to prove their parents are deceased or they are available for adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adopting a child who has suffered the loss of family/parents as well as their way of life and country to war isn't something to do instead of having a baby via donor egg. Raising an older child who had suffere through such trauma is a very difficult thing.

+1

OP, please make sure this is what you want.

(I personally would go the donor-egg route...)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks everyone for shedding light on some of the barriers and difficulties. I'm thinking children just may not be in the cards for us at all.

OP you realize there are SO many children that need homes right? From all over the world (our country included). Why not start with fostering locally?

+1. Not to be rude but it just sounds like you want to be en vogue adopting a child from a war torn country that's in the news and a hot political issue. There are thousands and thousands of children from drug abusing parents and dad situations right in your backyard. They need homes and love too.

Not necessarily. Adoption of orphans is not fostering children with living parents. These are different scenarios with different considerations.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but adopting an orphan does not require the kid to be from Syria. Right now, there are countries that have better established practices to determine if kids can be reunited with birth relatives, to screen prospective adoptive families, and to match kids with parents who can meet their needs. Syria has none of this. Given Muslim teachings on adoption, even without a war it is unlikely that a non-relative non-Muslim would have been able to adopt a child.

If OP has decided that older child international adoption is of interest, it would make sense to attend an info session with Barker, Adoptions Together, Lutheran Social Services, or another agency. Starting to read some books might also be good--Melissa Fay Green has a memoir, and Adopting Older Children is short and readable. Adoptive Families magazine might also be of interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks everyone for shedding light on some of the barriers and difficulties. I'm thinking children just may not be in the cards for us at all.

OP you realize there are SO many children that need homes right? From all over the world (our country included). Why not start with fostering locally?

A child, is a child, is a child. Why is a local child more deserving than the child from Syria.

Not to make this political, but i hear this all the time with refugees. "help your homeless vets before you help the refugees." I think no vet should be homeless, but I also think helping one does not preclude you from helping the other and it's just morally wrong to value one life more over the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks everyone for shedding light on some of the barriers and difficulties. I'm thinking children just may not be in the cards for us at all.

OP you realize there are SO many children that need homes right? From all over the world (our country included). Why not start with fostering locally?

A child, is a child, is a child. Why is a local child more deserving than the child from Syria. [i][u]

Not to make this political, but i hear this all the time with refugees. "help your homeless vets before you help the refugees." I think no vet should be homeless, but I also think helping one does not preclude you from helping the other and it's just morally wrong to value one life more over the other.

It's not that a local child is more deserving. It's that it is *possible* to adopt a local child (or a child from many other countries) while it is not really feasible to adopt a child from Syria. In the midst of a crisis (war in Syria, devastating hurricane in Haiti) it was very easy for children to become separated from their parents and family, so it is critical that kids are protected and that they aren't separated from their country when their family is still alive and would desperately want to have their child (or nephew/niece/cousin/neighbor/friend) back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks everyone for shedding light on some of the barriers and difficulties. I'm thinking children just may not be in the cards for us at all.

OP you realize there are SO many children that need homes right? From all over the world (our country included). Why not start with fostering locally?

A child, is a child, is a child. Why is a local child more deserving than the child from Syria. [i][u]

Not to make this political, but i hear this all the time with refugees. "help your homeless vets before you help the refugees." I think no vet should be homeless, but I also think helping one does not preclude you from helping the other and it's just morally wrong to value one life more over the other.

It's not that a local child is more deserving. It's that it is *possible* to adopt a local child (or a child from many other countries) while it is not really feasible to adopt a child from Syria. In the midst of a crisis (war in Syria, devastating hurricane in Haiti) it was very easy for children to become separated from their parents and family, so it is critical that kids are protected and that they aren't separated from their country when their family is still alive and would desperately want to have their child (or nephew/niece/cousin/neighbor/friend) back.

+1 The point is that OP moved from wanting a Syrian child to no child. There are lots of options in between, including foster-to-adopt here in the States or international adoption from someplace that has a functioning government that would allow them to know whether a child was actually orphaned.

[Anonymous]

All I take from this threads is that people should think carefully about the consequences of what they post here. Some of you may just have discouraged someone from adopting at all. That is a shame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I take from this threads is that people should think carefully about the consequences of what they post here. Some of you may just have discouraged someone from adopting at all. That is a shame.

Well if that person can't accept the realities of adoption, it's best that person not adopt. Adoption is to find a home for a child that needs a parent. Adoption is not find a child for an adult. It's about the child. Not the adult.

[Anonymous]

OP is the one who when faced with information about adopting from Syria immediately stated that having a kid might not be in the cards. Plenty of posters made alternate suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Hello all,

I am new to your forum, and while I appreciate the constructive and pragmatic comments given, I am dismayed by other responses. Freedom of speech is one thing, but belittling someone for speaking candidly about her very personal situation is beyond the pale. Openly discussing topics of IVF, adoption, and the desire to become a parent already exposes one's vulnerability; criticism by others - to the point of calling someone's character into question - is a pathetic response to a momentary expression of self-doubt.

Forgive me if I am speaking out of turn.

EJL

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the negativity. Simply give educated, objective advice about the original question. No need to lecture. Obviously, most people who want to adopt have good intentions and big hearts. Doing it to be "En Vogue"? Really? Parenting is a huge learning curve for everyone. I commend the original poster for her and expect she will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adopting a child who has suffered the loss of family/parents as well as their way of life and country to war isn't something to do instead of having a baby via donor egg. Raising an older child who had suffere through such trauma is a very difficult thing.

I truly hope you are speaking from experience and. It just spewing rhetoric. It depends on the child,las to the level of difficulty. It can range from the levels of difficulty as if you had birth the child yourself to having a child with RAD. I adopted an older child, and he hasn't been any more difficult he. Any other child. I know other families who have adopted older chilldren with few or mild difficulties. I also know families who have had a rough and horrific time raising their older adopted child. But then there are people who have their natural born difficult children.

I am speaking from experience.

Your situation is the outlier, not the norm. It's unrealistic and goes against common sense to believe that a child from a war-torn country or from any type of background that involved significant upheaval in their early life will not suffer from trauma and need significant support.

There are many Syrian and Syrian American families in the US and I truly believe for any child placed here in the US it would best serve the children if those families were considered first. Btw I adopted internationally so it's not that I think American families can't raise children from other cultures.

Also, from the article mentioned above "However, she said many families are deterred from adopting refugee children because they prefer babies or young kids."

The OP said she was considering this route instead of donor egg. To me this sounds like she would like to parent a child from birth on up so it's better if she pursues that option whether it is by donor egg or adoption or some other means.

+100, from a former humanitarian aid worker in a war zone. Re-homing these kids thru adoption is best done with families who have some cultural background and language and ability to manage serious trauma. Love doesn't conquer all unfortunately. Please give money to refugee groups and work in your community to identify and support refugees in all ways - politically, financially, in the education system and thro donated goods and mentorship. Press at the national level for a rational Syrian foreign policy, strict adherance of all parties to the Geneva Conventions and prosecution of war crimes and unfettered access for humanitarian aid and news media. One of the best ways we can help Syrian children is to help them stay with their families in their home country. This is not just a moral obligation, but also in the interest of US national security.

[Anonymous]

+1
Amen