how can you make it up to a betrayed hurt spouse?

[Anonymous]

Get it all out now. All of it. Talk about all of it. Leave nothing behind. Show you are sorry and want to come completely clean.

If more stuff comes out a year or two from now, trust is destroyed all over again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infidelities of all kinds seem present in a huge percentage of marriages. How do those hurt get what they need after?

As a betrayed spouse I needed empathy, time to heal and honesty. And some very hard, frank discussions.

It has been 2 years and I still hurt.

I had a baby that died, and the affair hurt worse. PLEASE let that sink in if you are involved or considering an affair. I really cannot imagine something more painful

I have not lost a child, knock wood. I had an emotional affair and caused the pain. So, I am not in your position. Are you talking still born or an actual child???

I highly recommend therapy. I'm sure you grieved for what you imagined your spouse was or could be. I'm sure you mourn the loss of the marriage you thought you had. But, I don't think it's mentally healthy to rank order these life events in this way. I'm not sure if you're able to minimize the death of the child or you've built up the pain of the affair to such high levels, but neither is good for you or your current/ex spouse. I try really, really hard not to judge and I think your heart was in the right place. I just think you could benefit a lot from counseling. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your losses.

Holy shit. Still born babies are actual children.

I am currently 8m pregnant. I am sure I would be devastated if my child was stillborn but if one of my live children died, I would never recover. I think I could get over a stillborn but not the death of one of my living children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infidelities of all kinds seem present in a huge percentage of marriages. How do those hurt get what they need after?

As a betrayed spouse I needed empathy, time to heal and honesty. And some very hard, frank discussions.

It has been 2 years and I still hurt.

I had a baby that died, and the affair hurt worse. PLEASE let that sink in if you are involved or considering an affair. I really cannot imagine something more painful

I have not lost a child, knock wood. I had an emotional affair and caused the pain. So, I am not in your position. Are you talking still born or an actual child???

I highly recommend therapy. I'm sure you grieved for what you imagined your spouse was or could be. I'm sure you mourn the loss of the marriage you thought you had. But, I don't think it's mentally healthy to rank order these life events in this way. I'm not sure if you're able to minimize the death of the child or you've built up the pain of the affair to such high levels, but neither is good for you or your current/ex spouse. I try really, really hard not to judge and I think your heart was in the right place. I just think you could benefit a lot from counseling. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your losses.

Holy shit. Still born babies are actual children.

I am currently 8m pregnant. I am sure I would be devastated if my child was stillborn but if one of my live children died, I would never recover. I think I could get over a stillborn but not the death of one of my living children.

It all hurts. It's stupid to trivialize it by saying which would hurt more. What if the baby inside you (God forbid) passed a week after birth? Would you say you'd only had it a week so it wouldn't hurt nearly as much as your kids you'd had for years? Or maybe can you open your mind and realize things are a little more complex than that? At any rate, lucky you not to have known such hardship and loss that you can so freely speculate about it and think you know how you'd feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infidelities of all kinds seem present in a huge percentage of marriages. How do those hurt get what they need after?

As a betrayed spouse I needed empathy, time to heal and honesty. And some very hard, frank discussions.

It has been 2 years and I still hurt.

I had a baby that died, and the affair hurt worse. PLEASE let that sink in if you are involved or considering an affair. I really cannot imagine something more painful

I have not lost a child, knock wood. I had an emotional affair and caused the pain. So, I am not in your position. Are you talking still born or an actual child???

I highly recommend therapy. I'm sure you grieved for what you imagined your spouse was or could be. I'm sure you mourn the loss of the marriage you thought you had. But, I don't think it's mentally healthy to rank order these life events in this way. I'm not sure if you're able to minimize the death of the child or you've built up the pain of the affair to such high levels, but neither is good for you or your current/ex spouse. I try really, really hard not to judge and I think your heart was in the right place. I just think you could benefit a lot from counseling. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your losses.

Holy shit. Still born babies are actual children.

I am currently 8m pregnant. I am sure I would be devastated if my child was stillborn but if one of my live children died, I would never recover. I think I could get over a stillborn but not the death of one of my living children.

It all hurts. It's stupid to trivialize it by saying which would hurt more. What if the baby inside you (God forbid) passed a week after birth? Would you say you'd only had it a week so it wouldn't hurt nearly as much as your kids you'd had for years? Or maybe can you open your mind and realize things are a little more complex than that? At any rate, lucky you not to have known such hardship and loss that you can so freely speculate about it and think you know how you'd feel.

I love my living children more than anything. I have no bond yet with the child growing inside me. A week living is also different from stillbirth.

[Anonymous]

If anyone isn't sure what a thread hijacking looks like, may I present Exhibit A?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infidelities of all kinds seem present in a huge percentage of marriages. How do those hurt get what they need after?

As a betrayed spouse I needed empathy, time to heal and honesty. And some very hard, frank discussions.

It has been 2 years and I still hurt.

I had a baby that died, and the affair hurt worse. PLEASE let that sink in if you are involved or considering an affair. I really cannot imagine something more painful

I have not lost a child, knock wood. I had an emotional affair and caused the pain. So, I am not in your position. Are you talking still born or an actual child???

I highly recommend therapy. I'm sure you grieved for what you imagined your spouse was or could be. I'm sure you mourn the loss of the marriage you thought you had. But, I don't think it's mentally healthy to rank order these life events in this way. I'm not sure if you're able to minimize the death of the child or you've built up the pain of the affair to such high levels, but neither is good for you or your current/ex spouse. I try really, really hard not to judge and I think your heart was in the right place. I just think you could benefit a lot from counseling. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your losses.

you did not just say that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If anyone isn't sure what a thread hijacking looks like, may I present Exhibit A?

I have been cheated on and it hurt. I have not lost a child. The pp who said the affair hurt her more than death of child started it. I would take DH cheating on me any day over the death of one of my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infidelities of all kinds seem present in a huge percentage of marriages. How do those hurt get what they need after?

As a betrayed spouse I needed empathy, time to heal and honesty. And some very hard, frank discussions.

It has been 2 years and I still hurt.

I had a baby that died, and the affair hurt worse. PLEASE let that sink in if you are involved or considering an affair. I really cannot imagine something more painful

I have not lost a child, knock wood. I had an emotional affair and caused the pain. So, I am not in your position. Are you talking still born or an actual child???

I highly recommend therapy. I'm sure you grieved for what you imagined your spouse was or could be. I'm sure you mourn the loss of the marriage you thought you had. But, I don't think it's mentally healthy to rank order these life events in this way. I'm not sure if you're able to minimize the death of the child or you've built up the pain of the affair to such high levels, but neither is good for you or your current/ex spouse. I try really, really hard not to judge and I think your heart was in the right place. I just think you could benefit a lot from counseling. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your losses.

Holy shit. Still born babies are actual children.

I am currently 8m pregnant. I am sure I would be devastated if my child was stillborn but if one of my live children died, I would never recover. I think I could get over a stillborn but not the death of one of my living children.

It all hurts. It's stupid to trivialize it by saying which would hurt more. What if the baby inside you (God forbid) passed a week after birth? Would you say you'd only had it a week so it wouldn't hurt nearly as much as your kids you'd had for years? Or maybe can you open your mind and realize things are a little more complex than that? At any rate, lucky you not to have known such hardship and loss that you can so freely speculate about it and think you know how you'd feel.

I love my living children more than anything. I have no bond yet with the child growing inside me. A week living is also different from stillbirth.

You have no bond with the child growing inside you? Are you kidding me? Are you human?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infidelities of all kinds seem present in a huge percentage of marriages. How do those hurt get what they need after?

As a betrayed spouse I needed empathy, time to heal and honesty. And some very hard, frank discussions.

It has been 2 years and I still hurt.

I had a baby that died, and the affair hurt worse. PLEASE let that sink in if you are involved or considering an affair. I really cannot imagine something more painful

I agree and the worst part in my situation was the constant gaslighting and criticizing and blaming me. Even when I was poised to work through it all I got was how I caused it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infidelities of all kinds seem present in a huge percentage of marriages. How do those hurt get what they need after?

As a betrayed spouse I needed empathy, time to heal and honesty. And some very hard, frank discussions.

It has been 2 years and I still hurt.

I had a baby that died, and the affair hurt worse. PLEASE let that sink in if you are involved or considering an affair. I really cannot imagine something more painful

I agree and the worst part in my situation was the constant gaslighting and criticizing and blaming me. Even when I was poised to work through it all I got was how I caused it.

Sorry and so unfair to you. What a chickenshit approach to say you caused it. Yes, you caused his duck to end up in her mouth...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anyone isn't sure what a thread hijacking looks like, may I present Exhibit A?

I have been cheated on and it hurt. I have not lost a child. The pp who said the affair hurt her more than death of child started it. I would take DH cheating on me any day over the death of one of my children.

Did your husband cheat on you? I'm thinking no, because if so, you would know what that pp meant even if you don't agree.

She didn't 'start' anything, you ass. You did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If anyone isn't sure what a thread hijacking looks like, may I present Exhibit A?

I have been cheated on and it hurt. I have not lost a child. The pp who said the affair hurt her more than death of child started it. I would take DH cheating on me any day over the death of one of my children.

Did your husband cheat on you? I'm thinking no, because if so, you would know what that pp meant even if you don't agree.

She didn't 'start' anything, you ass. You did.

I'm an ass because I think the death of my children would be more painful than a spouse cheating? I don't think you can tell me what I should or should not feel.