Need a therapist for me - crisis situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, this isn't really the answer you were looking for but I don't think there is really anything wrong with you just your situation and I know I only got a snapshot of your marriage but it sounds awful and possibly irreconcilable.

I'd consider divorce, fight for some custody, collect child support and a move to the District.

The District has a very good waiver program for children up to age 21 that includes many things other state waivers don't such as orthodontia and respite care in addition to therapies and medical tartlet. Second there was no waiting list when I got my child on. You would want to verify this though.

This maneuver would get rid of your husband haranguing you, negatively turning your child against you, get all your copays paid and give you a chance for respite. Let me know if you want more info or people to contact.

Oh, please, a divorce will not change the dynamic. Two different households; two different rules.

A kid with SN will cause stress to the best of marriages. Parenting doesn't come naturally to many people. Parenting a child with SN requires more time and effort.

[Anonymous]

OP, go on the Psychology Today website. You can search for a therapist by insurance, geographic location and specialty. Then you can communicate by email or schedule a couple consultation phone calls to see who would be a good fit and who has availability.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. The holidays definitely makes everything come to a head doesn't it . . .

[Anonymous]

Sheryl Frank has experience with families with kids with special needs of all types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amy Gates in Gaithersburg is perfect for this.

+1

[Anonymous]

Actually, I think your husband is the one who should go to therapy.

Seriously, if you go yourself, how is that going to change the problem, which is him and the fact that he DOES NOT GET IT.

I speak from experience. I wasted years trying to manage two special needs kids, along with a special needs husband. One is now an adult and the other a late teen. One of the biggest issues that they have no is the emotional fall-out from having parents who argued and a dad with a hot temper. These problems were there before, but having kids with extra needs made is SO much worse.

Your husband needs to be told by another person just how seriously he is affecting his child.

For me, I think my husband subconsciously resented me because my kids' issues were related to his issues, and I was always the one who had to fix things and read up on how to help and how to parent. So the only way he knew how to exert control was through anger. It affected me horribly...but my kids, even more. And what I noticed is that they seemed even more troubled by it the older they got.

If I had to do it over again, I would have given him an ultimatum and left. Single parenting would have been easier.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you definitely need support OP. Not necessarily medications, but someone to listen and validate you. Best wishes and a hug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually, I think your husband is the one who should go to therapy.

Seriously, if you go yourself, how is that going to change the problem, which is him and the fact that he DOES NOT GET IT.

I speak from experience. I wasted years trying to manage two special needs kids, along with a special needs husband. One is now an adult and the other a late teen. One of the biggest issues that they have no is the emotional fall-out from having parents who argued and a dad with a hot temper. These problems were there before, but having kids with extra needs made is SO much worse.

Your husband needs to be told by another person just how seriously he is affecting his child.

For me, I think my husband subconsciously resented me because my kids' issues were related to his issues, and I was always the one who had to fix things and read up on how to help and how to parent. So the only way he knew how to exert control was through anger. It affected me horribly...but my kids, even more. And what I noticed is that they seemed even more troubled by it the older they got.

If I had to do it over again, I would have given him an ultimatum and left. Single parenting would have been easier.

You can't force a person into therapy. You can't force anyone to accept how things are.

At this point, OP, I would not give an ultimatum. Family or couples therapy if your husband is amenable, however, I find the most helpful approaches are the most practical.

Mediocre, on-the-fly parenting techniques may work with kids who are NT, but can fail awesomely with SN kids. "Clean your room b/c I told you to," might hound the NT kids into compliance, but will probably have little success in the real world of your day to day. Find a behavioral therapist who will come to your home or someplace that does this kind of therapy, help set a schedule and script for both parents to respond to your DC.

It takes practice and won't magically cure what ails you or your marriage, but having a unified, practical, effective approach with the day to day will eliminate a lot of stress. Call Kennedy Krieger, Ivymount, Little Leaves, etc.