Shopping for gifts for a spouse when you're angry with them

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you OP. I give you a lot of credit for forging on and trying your best to make a nice holiday for her.

I agree that a spa gift card might be really nice. Does she like to cook or bake? There are a lot of cool kitchen gadgets and appliances on kitchen websites like Sur La Table for a wide variety of prices.

[Anonymous]

Theater tickets? A cozy Burberry scarf or throw blanket.

A new pretty phone or iPad cover.

[Anonymous]

OP, since she's struggling, I second the spa idea. Obviously she needs counseling, but please don't go the passive aggressive route and give her an appointment as a gift.

[Anonymous]

I would give her a boot out the door. She hit your child and you are worried about what gift to get her? Get your child a gift by removing their abusive mother

[Anonymous]

You sound like a good husband. I hope things get better for you.

[Anonymous]

Fake poop.

I saw "Lump of Coal" gum at World Market.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you think back to when you were first dating, or first married, and things were good. Think about something that connects to those times. For instance, if the two of you shared an interest in art, then maybe a nice art book, or museum membership to the Philips, or art supplies. If the two of you used to enjoy cooking together, then a cooking class or a great new cookbook. (Sorry, these are dumb examples, but you get my point.) Things that have meaning for the two of you behind them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spa GC
Warm scarf
A new fiction book
A getaway for the two of you to try and work things out?

Yes, on the first three. I wouldn't force it with #4 right now. OP, is your wife having a hard time with menopause?

No, that's not it. For reasons I really can't get into.

I've recently learned that she concealed some mental health issues from me before we got married and I think they're coming back. I've asked her to get help, particularly since she struck our teenager the other day. Didn't hurt the child -- at least physically. But, I've kind of drawn a line in the sand now about insisting she do something about her anger. She's always angry at everyone. We walk around on eggshells around the house. I've put up for it for far too long.

Sorry, it just really has me down. I know this is supposed to be a happier time of the year, but I'm sitting downstairs bearing the silent treatment this morning because I'm refusing to indulge what I've come to recognize as a pattern -- an angry outburst at my child, followed by me calling her out on it, followed by notification that she will sulk for 3 or 4 days until she's ready to talk about it. So, I'm kind of done.

Just the timing sucks.

As the former child in a very similar position, OP, please don't allow her to continue treating your children this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Candles, lotions, makeup, scarves, pjs, bracelets - just go to bloomies or Nordstrom and look around. Ask the sales,girls for help.

He has to know his wife. I hate all that stuff- except scarves. Never want chocolates either. More info please.

[Anonymous]

Sorry. Just saw more info. Tough times. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would give her a boot out the door. She hit your child and you are worried about what gift to get her? Get your child a gift by removing their abusive mother

I'm sorry you are dealing with this OP. But I grew up with a mentally unstable parent that was abusive. I agree with the PP. Your wife's mental issues don't trump the safety and welfare of your children. You've asked her to get help and she refused? Then she's goes until she gets control of herself.

[Anonymous]

I've had times like these with my husband. I feel special when he buys me lots of little things and wraps each one carefully - he does this even when we're having a tense time. We don't spend a lot of money so these are things like gummy bears, socks, my favorite $12 wine, nail polish, a journal, etc... If your wife is one who expects big ticket items, then this won't work for you.

[Anonymous]

Ok she hit your child and your post is about buying her gifts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok she hit your child and your post is about buying her gifts?

+1000 I feel sorry for your teenager.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have a family member with a mental illness and it's so difficult. I can't imagine if it was a spouse with children involved.

It's very nice that you are trying to get her gifts, especially for your children. I'd ask them for suggestions. I would stay away from family group events. Does she like pedicures or facials? Special coffee drinks? Get her something small, slightly generic and just for her. Consumable would be good if you feel she dislikes everything right now.