How do you do it with 2 working parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have the same diagnosis, except our son is now 4 and in a half day prek program. He was in daycare for two years where the therapists came to him, and we had a late afternoon slot for one specific type of therapy (it was at 4 pm). After a while we realized this wasn't working, so I hunted around and found a PT flexible job. My industry supports this type of work, and I know I'm lucky in that regard as many people are not. Now my DS is in a PT prek program that's half day, and I work while he is in school and at night. We do not need my income though, so it is mostly to keep me in my field and to use for vacations etc. I also realize I am very lucky in this regard. My company is west coast based, so that helps since he is in the school in the afternoon.

Many families we met at therapies had nannies, grandmas or au pairs that were with the kids, however, the parents made a point to get to as many appts as they could. It is important to get the basis for what is going on at therapy so you can help your child at home.

Are either of your employers flexible? Now is the time to explore those options. If not, it may be time to start exploring other more flexible companies. Therapies can be done in the early morning and late afternoon, but those appts are hard to come by because everyone wants them.

Even though my sons is in PreK now, there's still therapy and IEP meetings, teacher conferences at school that take up a lot of work time. IT is good that you are thinking about this now.

Best wishes to you.

Thanks. Yes my job is pretty flexible with hours and telework options so that has been a big help. My mom lives nearby has not been supportive and helpful with all this because she is upset that I allowed her grandchild to get the diagnosis and does not think anything is wrong with DC. In fact both sides of grandparents are very upset that we are doing all this. They are very old school and do not think anything is wrong and that we the ones making something wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who takes care of your child now while you work, OP?

We have a live in nanny.

Then this should be a piece of cake.

It has not been a piece of cake because all the evaluations and assessment have required a parent to be the one there with her not the nanny.

You are in the most intensive period. Once there is a schedule of therapies it will become more routine and you will only need to check in with the providers from time-to-time. Most of the OTs, SLPs, ABAs will either leave a written therapy note or put it on an online system, and you can communicate with them via email/phone. We've done this for almost 10 years with a live-in nanny, and there have been times when we both traveled extensively. I did change jobs when my son with ASD was about 6 to one that has less travel and less, for want of a better phrase, high-stress/consequence/important type of work. But we still have the live-in nanny and most of the routine.

[Anonymous]

I have a flexible schedule with my job. But it is still tough. I do so much driving to therapies: speech, OT and tutoring right now. But we used to also do behavioral therapy. You just have to prioritize things. What are his biggest deficits that need therapy right now? If it's speech, then that is the most important. Send the nanny to the other appointments if you can only do one appointment a week.

I also got a mobile hot spot so I can sit in the waiting room and work while my child did his OT and speech. This helped my stress level so I didn't walk back into a shit storm of work when I got back online.

Remember that you, your husband and any other children have needs too. All of this has to be balanced. I only mention this bc I was killing myself only attending to the needs of my SN child. No one else got anything and this wasn't right (at least not for my family.)

Things do get better, but they will also change. You have to constantly adapt your strategies. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

My child is in elementary school so in school most of the time, but I take off early around 2:30 1-2 afternoons a week, pick him up from school, and take him to therapy, the psychologist, the psychiatrist, meet with teachers, etc. Luckily I work near home and school and my job is flexible, and I can work at night if necessary to catch up. We have a nanny but they aren't able to do some of this stuff, and we have other children that needs to be picked up, taken to sports practice and do their homework. DH works downtown and is less flexible so its harder for him to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A combination of leave, telework, and relying on our caregivers to be there for in-home appointments for our child.

Once you get used to your "new normal," this will be a lot easier to handle.

You will know that you will be teleworking on Monday and the ABA team will be coming. The babysitter will be there on Tuesday to handle the speech therapy. Your husband will take a half day of leave on Wednesday for OT. You take two hours of leave on Thursday for PT. ETc.

This. It is overwhelming as first it after a few months and once you get your regular schedule / routine done, you'all get a handle on it.

[Anonymous]

We have found several speech therapists that come to our house. I telework, take 10 minutes in the afternoon to pick my son up from school, and once the therapist gets here, I continue working. We didn't get our diagnosis until our son was 8, which might have made it easier to deal with. Also, we've found that we only work on one "issue" at a time, in addition to what he's doing at school with his IEP. For example, right now we only have the speech therapist. I think he'd be very resistant to also doing a social skills group on a different day during the week. And if we don't have buy-in from him, it seems counterproductive to force it on him. You're at the overwhelming stage now, with the evaluations and the uncertainty about how best to proceed. It will get easier!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who takes care of your child now while you work, OP?

We have a live in nanny.

Then this should be a piece of cake.

It has not been a piece of cake because all the evaluations and assessment have required a parent to be the one there with her not the nanny.

FMLA to get through the initial stage

[Anonymous]

OP, we are a two income family and it does get easier as they get a bit older. For now, invest $$ into a good and responsible nanny and start working with Child Find to get your little one into their SN preschools. They are mostly half-day and then your nanny picks him up. That's how it worked for us. Once he started kindergarten, he was used to the public school routine and transition was very smooth.

[Anonymous]

NP here. We were in a similar position, except we had one stay-at-home parent for awhile and one (mild-to-moderate-functioning) ASD child with behaviors who clearly wanted to be in an all-day program. Half-day MCPS PEP wasn't working to keep him regulated the hours he was home. After a year(!!!) of searching for full-day options that didn't require us to provide a 1:1 aide, we found Karasik in Silver Spring and have been thrilled. Our child is happy, we're happy, and we all get to work while he spends all day with other kids with loads of supervision (and he's getting his MCPS services on-site at Karasik).

When he was diagnosed the developmental pediatrician told us that one of us would have to stay home with him until he entered kindergarten because no private program would ever be willing to take him. He really spooked us and we were very upset. Based on our experience speaking to various day cares, we believed him.

I honestly don't know where we'd be without Karasik. We're now a two-income (yay!) household and we are all pretty happy. We do therapies in the evening and I have a flexible job where I can telework on days he has appointments during the day. If we ever do decide to send private therapists to Karasik, we know they are very receptive to in-center therapy. Other things that may interest you about Karasik is that they multiple full-time nurses and there is at least one nurse on-site at all times.

Good luck! It's really hard getting through all of this and I really wish you and your family the best, OP.

[Anonymous]

FMLA leave could help with all these initial appointments, evaluations, etc. After that, we were able to have all the therapists come to daycare. (They can come to your house, too). We're in DC, so other jurisdictions may be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have the same diagnosis, except our son is now 4 and in a half day prek program. He was in daycare for two years where the therapists came to him, and we had a late afternoon slot for one specific type of therapy (it was at 4 pm). After a while we realized this wasn't working, so I hunted around and found a PT flexible job. My industry supports this type of work, and I know I'm lucky in that regard as many people are not. Now my DS is in a PT prek program that's half day, and I work while he is in school and at night. We do not need my income though, so it is mostly to keep me in my field and to use for vacations etc. I also realize I am very lucky in this regard. My company is west coast based, so that helps since he is in the school in the afternoon.

Many families we met at therapies had nannies, grandmas or au pairs that were with the kids, however, the parents made a point to get to as many appts as they could. It is important to get the basis for what is going on at therapy so you can help your child at home.

Are either of your employers flexible? Now is the time to explore those options. If not, it may be time to start exploring other more flexible companies. Therapies can be done in the early morning and late afternoon, but those appts are hard to come by because everyone wants them.

Even though my sons is in PreK now, there's still therapy and IEP meetings, teacher conferences at school that take up a lot of work time. IT is good that you are thinking about this now.

Best wishes to you.

Thanks. Yes my job is pretty flexible with hours and telework options so that has been a big help. My mom lives nearby has not been supportive and helpful with all this because she is upset that I allowed her grandchild to get the diagnosis and does not think anything is wrong with DC. In fact both sides of grandparents are very upset that we are doing all this. They are very old school and do not think anything is wrong and that we the ones making something wrong.

Grandparents like that just add to the stress. Avoid arguing with them. If they bring it up, just say "we are doing the best we can" and change the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have the same diagnosis, except our son is now 4 and in a half day prek program. He was in daycare for two years where the therapists came to him, and we had a late afternoon slot for one specific type of therapy (it was at 4 pm). After a while we realized this wasn't working, so I hunted around and found a PT flexible job. My industry supports this type of work, and I know I'm lucky in that regard as many people are not. Now my DS is in a PT prek program that's half day, and I work while he is in school and at night. We do not need my income though, so it is mostly to keep me in my field and to use for vacations etc. I also realize I am very lucky in this regard. My company is west coast based, so that helps since he is in the school in the afternoon.

Many families we met at therapies had nannies, grandmas or au pairs that were with the kids, however, the parents made a point to get to as many appts as they could. It is important to get the basis for what is going on at therapy so you can help your child at home.

Are either of your employers flexible? Now is the time to explore those options. If not, it may be time to start exploring other more flexible companies. Therapies can be done in the early morning and late afternoon, but those appts are hard to come by because everyone wants them.

Even though my sons is in PreK now, there's still therapy and IEP meetings, teacher conferences at school that take up a lot of work time. IT is good that you are thinking about this now.

Best wishes to you.

Thanks. Yes my job is pretty flexible with hours and telework options so that has been a big help. My mom lives nearby has not been supportive and helpful with all this because she is upset that I allowed her grandchild to get the diagnosis and does not think anything is wrong with DC. In fact both sides of grandparents are very upset that we are doing all this. They are very old school and do not think anything is wrong and that we the ones making something wrong.

Grandparents like that just add to the stress. Avoid arguing with them. If they bring it up, just say "we are doing the best we can" and change the subject.

A different approach would be to get a third party to meet with grandparents, explain the diagnosis, and explain how important grandparent support is and some specific things they can do to help (ways of talking or interacting, behaviors to correct or not correct) and to address expectations for future development.

They may accept the diagnosis better after hearing it from a third party voice of authority (i.e. doctor, older male professional with credentials, etc.) Their fear about getting/accepting the diagnosis may be based on what they saw in their own childhood about stigma and opportunities for those with your child's diagnosis, and they may be in denial as a way of dealing with fear that your child will not become independent and "successful". The way we treated kids with disabilities 50 years ago was vastly different, so likely their frame of reference is quite different as well.

[Anonymous]

Once you get into the swing of the therapies, it will be a lot easier. You'll have a set schedule and your nanny will then take him to most of the appointments.

[Anonymous]

DH and I both took time off when she was being evaluated to go to those. Once she was diagnosed and in therapy one of us goes once a month to touch base with each therapist, and the nanny does the home therapy stuff with her daily. We do it on weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. We were in a similar position, except we had one stay-at-home parent for awhile and one (mild-to-moderate-functioning) ASD child with behaviors who clearly wanted to be in an all-day program. Half-day MCPS PEP wasn't working to keep him regulated the hours he was home. After a year(!!!) of searching for full-day options that didn't require us to provide a 1:1 aide, we found Karasik in Silver Spring and have been thrilled. Our child is happy, we're happy, and we all get to work while he spends all day with other kids with loads of supervision (and he's getting his MCPS services on-site at Karasik).

When he was diagnosed the developmental pediatrician told us that one of us would have to stay home with him until he entered kindergarten because no private program would ever be willing to take him. He really spooked us and we were very upset. Based on our experience speaking to various day cares, we believed him.

I honestly don't know where we'd be without Karasik. We're now a two-income (yay!) household and we are all pretty happy. We do therapies in the evening and I have a flexible job where I can telework on days he has appointments during the day. If we ever do decide to send private therapists to Karasik, we know they are very receptive to in-center therapy. Other things that may interest you about Karasik is that they multiple full-time nurses and there is at least one nurse on-site at all times.

Good luck! It's really hard getting through all of this and I really wish you and your family the best, OP.

I just want to say that "private programs" like nursery schools, daycares, etc. are obligated to accept and make "reasonable" accommodations for disabled children. Legally speaking, organizations which serve children, even private ones, are obligated to make an individual determination about what "reasonable" accommodations can be made for a disabled child (whether a physical disability, a developmental disability, etc.) The determination of "reasonableness" can't turn on hard and fast rules about what a daycare will/won't do, or rules about "we don't take kids with X" or cost factors, i.e. a disabled child can't automatically be turned away just because the institution will have to make some extra expenditures.

It's unfortunate that the doctor spoke to you in such a black and white fashion about "private programs," but it's not all that surprising, because IME many doctors don't know the first thing about disability law as relates to education, employment and public access, even when they are experts in diagnoses that usually require public accommodations.