If your mother restricted your food intake

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom always commented on my weight and what I was eating. She's always struggled with her own weight and she just extended it to me (but not either of my sisters as they were both always very thin). For years, I had this need to always be on some sort of diet. Even weighing 115 pounds in high school I felt like I was disgustingly fat. I'd not eat all day then break down and inhale a ton of food right before she got home from work so no one would see me eating then I'd pick at my dinner to show how "good" I was being by not eating much. College was the first time I had access to a gym and I worked out obsessively because I was terrified of gaining any weight. Every piece of food I put in my body was a negotiation - "I can eat this if I do x minutes of cardio later" or "I can't eat lunch because I don't have time to go to the gym today."

It wasn't until I was 30 that I just stopped caring about losing those last 5 pounds and instead focused on filling the house with generally healthy foods and not monitoring my intake every second of every day. I still struggle from time to time with obsessing over my food and I'll never be happy with how I look but it went from being the thing I thought about most to something I only think about sometimes.

Very similar to this poster. However, my mom hasn't struggled much with her weight and has a very small frame. I am built more like my dad's side of the family (big butt, larger breasts). She was constantly trying to get me to look more like her side, even though it is impossible. When I see my mom for lunch, I still eat beforehand because I know if I eat in front of her there will be endless comments.

[Anonymous]

My mother had a severe eating disorder. She was pretty good about not forcing it on me - every now and then I'd get a disapproving look which she probably thought she was hiding - but I was always self-conscious if I gained a bit of weight or ate something in front of her I knew she'd never touch herself.

My reaction as an adult has been that I simply do not care about food because I've seen how obsessing over it can affect your life. I don't care about restaurants, I feed my family simple easy meals I know they will eat, and I eat what I want when I'm hungry (within reason). I just don't think about food really, ever.

[Anonymous]

I am so afraid of being this parent, because I have my own issues with food.

Both my girls - 2 and 4 - have bellies. I remind myself it's normal and that they are healthy. I work hard to keep them active and use a lot of positive language around being active. I talk about mommy and daddy exercising in terms of taking care of their bodies and getting stronger. I do not talk about weight in front of the kids. I try to talk about food as energy, to provide healthy, non processed options. I do discourage seconds of meals by asking the 4yr old to wait a set period of time before eating again 'to let the food travel from your mouth to your belly so you know if you are really hungry.'

I'm not perfect, but I am trying very hard to present a functional, healthy relationship with food and exercise to my kids so they can do better than I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so afraid of being this parent, because I have my own issues with food.

Both my girls - 2 and 4 - have bellies. I remind myself it's normal and that they are healthy. I work hard to keep them active and use a lot of positive language around being active. I talk about mommy and daddy exercising in terms of taking care of their bodies and getting stronger. I do not talk about weight in front of the kids. I try to talk about food as energy, to provide healthy, non processed options. I do discourage seconds of meals by asking the 4yr old to wait a set period of time before eating again 'to let the food travel from your mouth to your belly so you know if you are really hungry.'

I'm not perfect, but I am trying very hard to present a functional, healthy relationship with food and exercise to my kids so they can do better than I have.

Bellies are normal at that age.

[Anonymous]

Not my mom, but my dad. Relentless and cruel. I ended up topping out at 380 lbs. lost 100 lbs through sheer will and have kept that off but obviously still overweight. Was proud of my efforts until a nurse in labor triage started berating me about "making healthier choices". Lady, you don't get to be my size just due to poor choices. But thanks for negating all my hard work during a vulnerable time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom did - she had/has her own body issues and issues with women, for sure, but it still sucked. She never told me I was beautiful but always made a point to ridicule my belly (even as a teen weighing 115 my tummy had some roundness) and would berate me for eating seconds and desserts. Once, when I was ten, I'd eaten a lot of cookies after school - she made me do sit-ups and sent me to my room without dinner.

To answer your question, I've had body dysmorphic disorder my whole life (felt I looked huge and gross as a size four). Had a touch of bulimia and anorexia as a teen, but I really attribute that more to the girls I was hanging out with. I've tried to develop a healthier relationship with food but always internally equate my self-worth with my thinness. Being heavy after having my children made me so very uncomfortable- sadly, it was the only time my mom didn't make negative comments about my body, which suggests a really weird element of jealousy/ competition on her part. Sad.

This was basically my relationship with my mother and my body as well. I'm pregnant now and, sadly, my mother has kept up a bit of the "you weigh too much" commentary during my pregnancy. I've done my best to ignore it but there is definitely a small, sad part of me that can't wait for the baby to be born so I can get back to dieting...

PP here - I'm so sorry. Hugs. Isn't it awful? Just try to enjoy your pregnancy and take it easy on yourself. Easier said than done, I know!

I'm sorry for you, OP. Can you avoid spending time with your mom? Have you told her to knock it off with the weight comments?

[Anonymous]

I am so afraid of being this parent, because I have my own issues with food.

Both my girls - 2 and 4 - have bellies. I remind myself it's normal and that they are healthy. I work hard to keep them active and use a lot of positive language around being active. I talk about mommy and daddy exercising in terms of taking care of their bodies and getting stronger. I do not talk about weight in front of the kids. I try to talk about food as energy, to provide healthy, non processed options. I do discourage seconds of meals by asking the 4yr old to wait a set period of time before eating again 'to let the food travel from your mouth to your belly so you know if you are really hungry.'

I'm not perfect, but I am trying very hard to present a functional, healthy relationship with food and exercise to my kids so they can do better than I have.

Bellies are normal at that age.

If you are denying a 2 yr old (!) - or 4 yr old for that matter - seconds of a healthy meal, you are "that parent." You are clearly self-aware, but kindly, you have to do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am so afraid of being this parent, because I have my own issues with food.

Both my girls - 2 and 4 - have bellies. I remind myself it's normal and that they are healthy. I work hard to keep them active and use a lot of positive language around being active. I talk about mommy and daddy exercising in terms of taking care of their bodies and getting stronger. I do not talk about weight in front of the kids. I try to talk about food as energy, to provide healthy, non processed options. I do discourage seconds of meals by asking the 4yr old to wait a set period of time before eating again 'to let the food travel from your mouth to your belly so you know if you are really hungry.'

I'm not perfect, but I am trying very hard to present a functional, healthy relationship with food and exercise to my kids so they can do better than I have.

Bellies are normal at that age.

If you are denying a 2 yr old (!) - or 4 yr old for that matter - seconds of a healthy meal, you are "that parent." You are clearly self-aware, but kindly, you have to do better.

+1

[Anonymous]

Nothing, except that it confirms that my mother is a hyper-anxious, micromanaging, control freak who holds disturbing views on the human body - everybody should be rail thin - and on life in general.

Every chance she gets she tells my DD that she's going to be obese if she doesn't stop gorging. Started telling her that when DD was THREE. That's because DD is the only one in the family who is actually in the normal weight range. The rest of us are all slightly underweight, which is considered borderline fat for my mother, who is very underweight. Anyway, I won't bore you with my family's crazies. That's just the tip of the iceberg

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not my mom, but my dad. Relentless and cruel. I ended up topping out at 380 lbs. lost 100 lbs through sheer will and have kept that off but obviously still overweight. Was proud of my efforts until a nurse in labor triage started berating me about "making healthier choices". Lady, you don't get to be my size just due to poor choices. But thanks for negating all my hard work during a vulnerable time.

Good for you, pp! I know how hard weight loss is and you deserve praise for your efforts. Ignore the meanies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Nothing, except that it confirms that my mother is a hyper-anxious, micromanaging, control freak who holds disturbing views on the human body - everybody should be rail thin - and on life in general.

Every chance she gets she tells my DD that she's going to be obese if she doesn't stop gorging. Started telling her that when DD was THREE. That's because DD is the only one in the family who is actually in the normal weight range. The rest of us are all slightly underweight, which is considered borderline fat for my mother, who is very underweight. Anyway, I won't bore you with my family's crazies. That's just the tip of the iceberg

You realize that this means you are letting your mother say horrible, hurtful things to your child. I completely understand how hard it is to deal with family members with mental health issues, but your responsibility is to protect your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so afraid of being this parent, because I have my own issues with food.

Both my girls - 2 and 4 - have bellies. I remind myself it's normal and that they are healthy. I work hard to keep them active and use a lot of positive language around being active. I talk about mommy and daddy exercising in terms of taking care of their bodies and getting stronger. I do not talk about weight in front of the kids. I try to talk about food as energy, to provide healthy, non processed options. I do discourage seconds of meals by asking the 4yr old to wait a set period of time before eating again 'to let the food travel from your mouth to your belly so you know if you are really hungry.'

I'm not perfect, but I am trying very hard to present a functional, healthy relationship with food and exercise to my kids so they can do better than I have.

Bellies are normal at that age.

Agree. You would be better off just not talking about food or exercise with children that age. Play is their exercise! Young children instinctively know what amounts of food they need.
good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so afraid of being this parent, because I have my own issues with food.

Both my girls - 2 and 4 - have bellies. I remind myself it's normal and that they are healthy. I work hard to keep them active and use a lot of positive language around being active. I talk about mommy and daddy exercising in terms of taking care of their bodies and getting stronger. I do not talk about weight in front of the kids. I try to talk about food as energy, to provide healthy, non processed options. I do discourage seconds of meals by asking the 4yr old to wait a set period of time before eating again 'to let the food travel from your mouth to your belly so you know if you are really hungry.'

I'm not perfect, but I am trying very hard to present a functional, healthy relationship with food and exercise to my kids so they can do better than I have.

Bellies are normal at that age.

Agree. You would be better off just not talking about food or exercise with children that age. Play is their exercise! Young children instinctively know what amounts of food they need.
good luck!

That was my take. You seem to be talking about food and exercise an awful lot. -- Mom of a 1yo and a 4yo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I am so afraid of being this parent, because I have my own issues with food.

Both my girls - 2 and 4 - have bellies. I remind myself it's normal and that they are healthy. I work hard to keep them active and use a lot of positive language around being active. I talk about mommy and daddy exercising in terms of taking care of their bodies and getting stronger. I do not talk about weight in front of the kids. I try to talk about food as energy, to provide healthy, non processed options. I do discourage seconds of meals by asking the 4yr old to wait a set period of time before eating again 'to let the food travel from your mouth to your belly so you know if you are really hungry.'

I'm not perfect, but I am trying very hard to present a functional, healthy relationship with food and exercise to my kids so they can do better than I have.

Bellies are normal at that age.

If you are denying a 2 yr old (!) - or 4 yr old for that matter - seconds of a healthy meal, you are "that parent." You are clearly self-aware, but kindly, you have to do better.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

I watched my mom make comments to my older sister throughout her childhood. She would call her fat, even "fatty" in a somewhat endearing way.

When I was a tween/teenager she would point out my love handles and would tell me to be careful.

She never restricted food or put either one of us on diets.

Oddly, as adults, my sister has much higher self esteem than I do. I'm thin now, and my mom complains now that I'm too skinny and literally tries to shove food down my throat. I think I could lose a few pounds. In a way, I do think that growing up with her pointing out the extra pounds has helped me keep my weight in check. I think if she never criticized me, I wouldn't care about a few extra pounds and wouldn't work as hard as I do/have as much knowledge about food/fitness.

In conclusion, I don't condone her behavior towards us girls growing up. I know her intentions were good, but now as an adult, I understand that she is verbally abusive and the weight thing is one example. I have a baby girl now and would be more gentle and proactive if she grows to have a weight problem.