I just bagged up all of DS' toys...and I'm giving them away

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a deep breath. He's 4, and while he seems big to you, he's actually still very young. I have been frustrated with my kids too, but if you write them off as bad this young, you'll never get them to behave.

Don't throw away the toys. Well, maybe some here are some ideas:

Have him earn back the ones he lost with good behavior. Make it really easy for him to get back so the positive reinforcement has him wanting to behave better.

Cut out screen time (it makes my son a monster).

Make sure he gets lots of outside time (even when it's cold)

Make sure he's getting a good night's sleep. Put him to bed even earlier than you think he should go. Adjust work schedules if you have to. Sleep is huge.

Make sure he's eating enough protein. The American kid diet is packed with carbs and sugar and they can have sugar crashes just like adults.

Give him a lot of adult one on one time. No phone in hand, face to face playing a game, reading books, hiking.

Be consistent with discipline.

Get help--from your kids teachers, from your pediatrician, from books, podcasts, social workers or psychologists. Don't write him off this young.

Excellent ideas. Do all of this WHILE remaining firm yet loving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a deep breath. He's 4, and while he seems big to you, he's actually still very young. I have been frustrated with my kids too, but if you write them off as bad this young, you'll never get them to behave.

Don't throw away the toys. Well, maybe some here are some ideas:

Have him earn back the ones he lost with good behavior. Make it really easy for him to get back so the positive reinforcement has him wanting to behave better.

Cut out screen time (it makes my son a monster).

Make sure he gets lots of outside time (even when it's cold)

Make sure he's getting a good night's sleep. Put him to bed even earlier than you think he should go. Adjust work schedules if you have to. Sleep is huge.

Make sure he's eating enough protein. The American kid diet is packed with carbs and sugar and they can have sugar crashes just like adults.

Give him a lot of adult one on one time. No phone in hand, face to face playing a game, reading books, hiking.

Be consistent with discipline.

Get help--from your kids teachers, from your pediatrician, from books, podcasts, social workers or psychologists. Don't write him off this young.

[/quote


Excellent advice. You also might want to look into testing if you try all of the above ideas and it still isn't working. I was the most consistent parent in the world (to the point of exhaustion) but it didn't seem to help. My child was diagnosed with ADHD a few years later. Hang in there and trade off with your partner if you have one. I am a single parent and it was me and my DS 24/7. Exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Oh my OP.

Don't go to this extreme.

Parenting a four year old can be challenging. All of the behaviors you describe sound withing the range of normal misbehavior.

What sounds extreme is how you are handling it. Based one your post, consistency seems to be lacking in your parenting.

Take the toys out of the car and put them in the basement or garage. Let him earn them back.

Work on parenting skills.

Feed him more protein. (He might be acting out because he is getting ready to hit a growth spurt and needs more fuel...he is probably hungry). No more waffles and syrup for a kid who is acting up. That kind of meal is only going to make things worse. Feed him food like eggs, cheese, meat, milk. When he starts getting a little wild or crabby, feed him a hearty snack.

Run him around outside as much as humanly possible. Boys need to run at this age, and then run around some more. I have three sons. Trust me on this one.

Take a time out yourself. Don't fight him over stupid shit. That only sets up a power battle that you cannot win.

Be calm and consistent. Get a sitter or parenting class if you must.

What you are doing will not work. Get a reset before you do something you will end up regreting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9 large trash bags is a lot of toys--maybe too many. Consider cutting back and simplifying his life (and as a byproduct, yours). Good luck.

No that's stupid, I hope you have a mcmansion or else it's 3rd world living

[Anonymous]

If this is an isolated 3 days of behavior then something is going on and your response is a total overreaction. Thanksgiving totally throws off routine, making behaviors even worse now that we've shifted back to schedule. Some kids just struggle more w these transitions. Any chance he Could he be getting sick? When My son is a holy terror we oftentimes will realize he's sick a day or two later.

[Anonymous]

I don't know you, but from your op, I think his reaction, say, to the waffles was unwarranted. AND I'm sorry to say I think he's modeling after you.

You're flying into a frenzy about his behavior.

He's flying into a frenzy about waffles. When he could just politely ask for more syrup, 'please.'

Hey, I know he's 4. He's just learning. They don't always get it right the first time and need reminders. But, I think if you and his other parent remain as calm as you can, it would help the situation.

As for the toys, did you warn him if this?

I see it as rule-action-consequence. Rule & consequence should be known beforehand. Otherwise, you can't hof it against him. So where does taking toys fit in? Again, was this a known consequence.

Last, you need 5 rules. That's it. They can be broad, but maybe he's dealing with navigating unknown rules, or too many to keep track of.

[Anonymous]

oh goodness. Just to commiserate. My youngest is 4 now and it has been an extremely difficult year for all of us. She has fits over everything and is extremely stubborn. Half the time my daughter seems out of control and I don't think she really understands why she is acting the way she is. Like seriously, they are possessed. I frequently remind myself this is a phase and will not last forever.

I feel like you have two options: you can scream and yell and hit and drown in anger or try to calmly enforce the rules and send them to their room. I always think, I can't get mad at a 4yo for not controlling her emotions, if I am 40 and can't control my own emotions. I try to do the latter as much as possible, but yes sometimes I yell much more than I would like.

How he acts at 4 is not reflective of how he will be a year from now, and it is not reflective on how well you are doing at discipline or being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know you, but from your op, I think his reaction, say, to the waffles was unwarranted. AND I'm sorry to say I think he's modeling after you.

You're flying into a frenzy about his behavior.

He's flying into a frenzy about waffles. When he could just politely ask for more syrup, 'please.'

Hey, I know he's 4. He's just learning. They don't always get it right the first time and need reminders. But, I think if you and his other parent remain as calm as you can, it would help the situation.

As for the toys, did you warn him if this?

I see it as rule-action-consequence. Rule & consequence should be known beforehand. Otherwise, you can't hof it against him. So where does taking toys fit in? Again, was this a known consequence.

Last, you need 5 rules. That's it. They can be broad, but maybe he's dealing with navigating unknown rules, or too many to keep track of.

I agree. A parent who sees a child saying "You're mean" as misbehavior is in a frenzy. The child is expressing his feelings about being disciplined, nothing more. It's not even misbehavior. You want a child this age to express his feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 large trash bags is a lot of toys--maybe too many. Consider cutting back and simplifying his life (and as a byproduct, yours). Good luck.

No that's stupid, I hope you have a mcmansion or else it's 3rd world living

What?

[Anonymous]

Last summer when my then 4 year old exhibited similar behavior I put all of his toys in bins and then he earned them back 1 by 1 by making good choices. It also helped me see what we could get rid of because he stopped caring about getting them all back once he had earned back the ones he liked the most. We donated the ones still left in the bins after a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Remove sugar too, along with his toys. I am with you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Hugs OP -

Everyone probably needs a good night rest.

Recommendation - cancel all weekend plans and spend the day playing together. NO TECHOLOGY for you either! No just checking email - or seeing something on amazon. It can wait.

This time of year is really stressful as we all run from 1 event to another and don't stop to appreciate each other.

[Anonymous]

Have you ruled out everything physical? Diet mostly. Could be he ate something and his belly hurts and he doesn't know how to deal with it. I have friends with a kid allergic to artificial dyes and it showed up in early childhood and she became a menace after eating it. They thought it was sugar but then had her tested after she was really misbehaving after taking cold medecine. Another kid was being very disruptive and uncooperative and turned out to be mild lactose intolerance (including cabbages) so she was constantly in a state of discomfort. I'd check for all that stuff and then still be loving and firm and deal with the behavior given the other pps suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

I don't have much advice because my kids are calm and never behaved like this, but I do remember a time when I was that age and misbehaving and my father, who was usually so calm, started bagging up all my toys to get me to say sorry and calm down. The mere visual of that moment has stayed with me all these years. The toys were not thrown away, but I still remember it.

Please don't give the toys away. Your little boy might not forgive you.

Stay strong and loving. Something out of the ordinary is happening to your little boy and he needs help.

[Anonymous]

Someone told me once that when kids are the least lovable is when they need the most love. Please put aside your anger and love that little boy harder than ever. You are likely traumatizing him, which is going to make things worse. Prayers for you.