Ever wonder about the backstory when people talk about money??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But a little reading of DCUM will put you right

Lol god help us all

[Anonymous]

$220k is not a lot in this area. That is about my HHI and after mortgage, childcare, other expenses, we are lucky if we save $1000/month.

[Anonymous]

I'm not commenting on the specific example OP provided but there are a lot of people that just aren't very good with money or controlling spending and it doesn't necessarily manifest itself in terms of a lavish lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$220k is not a lot in this area. That is about my HHI and after mortgage, childcare, other expenses, we are lucky if we save $1000/month.

Good point. How on earth are you supposed to save up a 100-120k downpayment on your own with that savings rate? It would take 8-10 years and by then, prices would have risen and you'll get less house than you initially hoped for.

[Anonymous]

Party pooper. So too far ends got together and you "totally kept your mouth shut". Now that was awkward. Had nothing to add or ask? Did you nod at least?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Party pooper. So too far ends got together and you "totally kept your mouth shut". Now that was awkward. Had nothing to add or ask? Did you nod at least?

She didn't suggest they were friends -- she suggested they were coworkers. And typically people don't add or ask too much in awkward financial conversations with people they aren't close to bc even an innocent question can come across as judging. Or indicating that your own financial views are different can sometimes peak someone's interest when you may not want to. Much easier to nod along politely.

[Anonymous]

200k is very little in this area

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in a household where money was private -- we hardly ever discussed it with each other, let alone out in the world. So now it's weird to me when people will talk about it. Got lunch with a colleague yesterday and in response to - how was your weekend - she started talking about how she was doing some financial planning and got into specifics - and she's a coworker, NOT a close friend; we have NEVER hung out or even texted outside work. I totally kept my mouth shut and yet the whole time was wondering how the financial situation she was describing was possible. She's been a lawyer for 5-6 yrs -- spent the first 4 in biglaw; married to a doctor who is in a residency. She shared that she paid off all loans for both of them while in biglaw, but now really needs to cut back on eating out etc. bc they need to save 100k-120k down payment but she's unsure if that's doable esp if she also prioritizes retirement savings. The whole time I'm thinking -- how is that possible!? Your HHI is already ~220ish and your DH still hasn't reached peak earning potential and you don't appear to have a lavish lifestyle -- how exactly can a dr. and lawyer not figure this out?!

Why the judgment regarding this? Perhaps she feels comfortable talking about money and getting feedbacks. Perhaps she (wrongly in this case) values your opinions because maybe she thinks highly of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:200k is very little in this area

Very? How much is good according to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:200k is very little in this area

It is plenty, especially without kids and the expenses that come with a home. We were saving 80-100k/year before we started putting that money to childcare and college savings. We were making between 170-210 for those years. If they are at 220 and can't save they either have a ridiculously expensive apartment or are burning money some other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:200k is very little in this area

It is plenty, especially without kids and the expenses that come with a home. We were saving 80-100k/year before we started putting that money to childcare and college savings. We were making between 170-210 for those years. If they are at 220 and can't save they either have a ridiculously expensive apartment or are burning money some other way.

By the time most ppl hit 200k they have kids and a home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Party pooper. So too far ends got together and you "totally kept your mouth shut". Now that was awkward. Had nothing to add or ask? Did you nod at least?

She didn't suggest they were friends -- she suggested they were coworkers. And typically people don't add or ask too much in awkward financial conversations with people they aren't close to bc even an innocent question can come across as judging. Or indicating that your own financial views are different can sometimes peak someone's interest when you may not want to. Much easier to nod along politely.

My co-workers dropped comments about money all the time. Some would say small comments about trying to save money by packing lunch or how camp costs for 3 kids was killing them. There was one divorced guy who seemed like he was really struggling because a divorced wiped him out. We all were colleagues so we earned somewhat similarly give or take 50k. I earned around 150 plus bonus at that job. People talked about wanting to move, etc.

I never talked about money to my co-workers. DH earns a seven figure income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:200k is very little in this area

It is plenty, especially without kids and the expenses that come with a home. We were saving 80-100k/year before we started putting that money to childcare and college savings. We were making between 170-210 for those years. If they are at 220 and can't save they either have a ridiculously expensive apartment or are burning money some other way.

By the time most ppl hit 200k they have kids and a home.

I am married to a surgeon. I used to earn around 200k when DH was a resident/fellow earning 50-60k. We both had student loans. I paid minimum that barely made a dent for early years so we were able to save for a down payment. After DH finished residency, we tackled our student loans. After DH started earning 500k+, it was a lot easier to save for retirement. On 250k for 2 kids is not a lot.

I think it is impressive that your friend was able to pay off their loans. Law and med school loans can easily go into the hundreds of thousands. We had about 100k each and we didn't pay them off until DH was earning real doctor money, not a resident salary.

[Anonymous]

I actually think it is ok for work colleagues to talk about money since you probably have a decent idea of how much you earn.