Feeling guilty about not inviting a few kids

[Anonymous]

Why did uninvited kids know about the party at all? Teach your son some modesty.

[Anonymous]

If you're just leaving out a handful of unpopular kids you should rethink. This is really cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, a hard lesson learned. I'm sorry about the feelings of uninvited kids, if it were only money (and not safety issues) I would have gone ahead and invited everyone even the sometimes violent kid. I see now how this situation happened but at the time, I didn't anticipate it.

Any time there is any sort of party or slumber party, there is talk amongst the kids. That's not something that can be avoided. As we initially urged my son to invite everyone, he thought it was perfectly okay to verbally invite kids who really wanted to go. I did add an additional kid to the party a day or two later (because my son received his party invite), so there was no reason for my son to think our guest list was set in stone. My son is not very socially savvy and thought he was just being nice in extending invites to people who asked to come. He didn't mean any harm and he truly thought that all the kids who didn't ask to come just didn't want to come. I've talked with him and he now (I hope) understands and this will not happen again.

In unburdening myself, I was also trying to share the other side. I wanted to let people know that even when mistakes are made, it doesn't mean that it was intentional. As a parent, I've made many mistakes along the way. Most of the time, it doesn't create this much guilt because those mistakes usually just affect us. I feel terribly over this. I regret the way we handled this party. We will do our best to do better in the future.

No, not all kids talk about parties, especially not that old. My children and their classmates were told in *preschool* not to talk about birthday parties in class, since teachers knew it would create hurt feelings, and my son has been following this rule ever since. Now my son is in middle school, his friends only mention parties when they are alone in the company of those they invited. My son has not heard party talk about a party he was not invited to, yet I am sure there are plenty. If ever he did, he would pretend he hadn't heard. He never mentions his own parties at school, but sends written invites through the mail or sends an email.

Generally both you and your son sound socially clueless. It's high time you gave more consideration to social niceties otherwise you are shortchanging your son.

[Anonymous]

First rule of being an adult: Never allow anyone to make you feel guilty. It's your kid, your rules, your life. I would have uninvited every kid that my kid was pressured into inviting. Also, no moms ever text me, because no one has my number except for my husband, my kids, and my ex-husband. I don't text anyone else. I don't allow this stuff to happen in my life, because I'm a major bitch, and no one likes me. I love my life, because there is never any drama. Most of you on DCUM seem to have some kind of crazy drama going on 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, a hard lesson learned. I'm sorry about the feelings of uninvited kids, if it were only money (and not safety issues) I would have gone ahead and invited everyone even the sometimes violent kid. I see now how this situation happened but at the time, I didn't anticipate it.

Any time there is any sort of party or slumber party, there is talk amongst the kids. That's not something that can be avoided. As we initially urged my son to invite everyone, he thought it was perfectly okay to verbally invite kids who really wanted to go. I did add an additional kid to the party a day or two later (because my son received his party invite), so there was no reason for my son to think our guest list was set in stone. My son is not very socially savvy and thought he was just being nice in extending invites to people who asked to come. He didn't mean any harm and he truly thought that all the kids who didn't ask to come just didn't want to come. I've talked with him and he now (I hope) understands and this will not happen again.

In unburdening myself, I was also trying to share the other side. I wanted to let people know that even when mistakes are made, it doesn't mean that it was intentional. As a parent, I've made many mistakes along the way. Most of the time, it doesn't create this much guilt because those mistakes usually just affect us. I feel terribly over this. I regret the way we handled this party. We will do our best to do better in the future.

No, not all kids talk about parties, especially not that old. My children and their classmates were told in *preschool* not to talk about birthday parties in class, since teachers knew it would create hurt feelings, and my son has been following this rule ever since. Now my son is in middle school, his friends only mention parties when they are alone in the company of those they invited. My son has not heard party talk about a party he was not invited to, yet I am sure there are plenty. If ever he did, he would pretend he hadn't heard. He never mentions his own parties at school, but sends written invites through the mail or sends an email.

Generally both you and your son sound socially clueless. It's high time you gave more consideration to social niceties otherwise you are shortchanging your son.

I teach my kids not to discuss parties either, but I think it's pretty funny that you think you know this much detail about every conversation your kid is in! I'm sure even the kids who were taught better sometimes slip out of excitement. I'm glad OP has decided schussed with her son, hopefully next year will be better planned.

[Anonymous]

Your kid made the mistake by talking about it but you stepped up to do the polite thing which was to extend official invites to these other kids. I think you are a good person but please stop calling that one kid the violent kid. We know of plenty of boys that age who are rough and physical. You never know what he's going through and you should be sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

OP you need to broaden your perspective. You are not the Queen and probably the "non invited" are relieved coz your kid shares the same entitled attitude as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you need to broaden your perspective. You are not the Queen and probably the "non invited" are relieved coz your kid shares the same entitled attitude as you.

OP ... you posted on a board with many idiots.

Look, you caught one !

[Anonymous]

Why do kid's NEED a big party every year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, a hard lesson learned. I'm sorry about the feelings of uninvited kids, if it were only money (and not safety issues) I would have gone ahead and invited everyone even the sometimes violent kid. I see now how this situation happened but at the time, I didn't anticipate it.

Any time there is any sort of party or slumber party, there is talk amongst the kids. That's not something that can be avoided. As we initially urged my son to invite everyone, he thought it was perfectly okay to verbally invite kids who really wanted to go. I did add an additional kid to the party a day or two later (because my son received his party invite), so there was no reason for my son to think our guest list was set in stone. My son is not very socially savvy and thought he was just being nice in extending invites to people who asked to come. He didn't mean any harm and he truly thought that all the kids who didn't ask to come just didn't want to come. I've talked with him and he now (I hope) understands and this will not happen again.

In unburdening myself, I was also trying to share the other side. I wanted to let people know that even when mistakes are made, it doesn't mean that it was intentional. As a parent, I've made many mistakes along the way. Most of the time, it doesn't create this much guilt because those mistakes usually just affect us. I feel terribly over this. I regret the way we handled this party. We will do our best to do better in the future.

I just want to tell the OP that despite what happened with the party invites I think she is a genuinely kind person. I appreciate how OP is concerned for the other children's feelings. Just move on OP but know that your feeling badly about all of it is a sign that you are a good person.

[Anonymous]

Are you having a narwhal? Because you can't possibly be the cool party without a narwhal.

[Anonymous]

Why wouldn't you tell him not to talk about it? How did these other kids even find out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, a hard lesson learned. I'm sorry about the feelings of uninvited kids, if it were only money (and not safety issues) I would have gone ahead and invited everyone even the sometimes violent kid. I see now how this situation happened but at the time, I didn't anticipate it.

Any time there is any sort of party or slumber party, there is talk amongst the kids. That's not something that can be avoided. As we initially urged my son to invite everyone, he thought it was perfectly okay to verbally invite kids who really wanted to go. I did add an additional kid to the party a day or two later (because my son received his party invite), so there was no reason for my son to think our guest list was set in stone. My son is not very socially savvy and thought he was just being nice in extending invites to people who asked to come. He didn't mean any harm and he truly thought that all the kids who didn't ask to come just didn't want to come. I've talked with him and he now (I hope) understands and this will not happen again.

In unburdening myself, I was also trying to share the other side. I wanted to let people know that even when mistakes are made, it doesn't mean that it was intentional. As a parent, I've made many mistakes along the way. Most of the time, it doesn't create this much guilt because those mistakes usually just affect us. I feel terribly over this. I regret the way we handled this party. We will do our best to do better in the future.

Same. My kid was recently not invited to a party that a lot of his friends were at. No clue why he wasn't included, but I appreciate you, OP, for thinking of others' feelings even when the logistics didn't work for you this time. When in doubt, it's nice to be inclusive.

I just want to tell the OP that despite what happened with the party invites I think she is a genuinely kind person. I appreciate how OP is concerned for the other children's feelings. Just move on OP but know that your feeling badly about all of it is a sign that you are a good person.