Is it normal to have second thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Planning on getting married in the Spring. Over the last week I've been having some second thoughts. We have strong differing family values (he is very close with his, I am not close with mine). Different political beliefs. I feel like I wear the pants in the relationship. I buy him alot of gifts and feel like I put alot of effort into making him happy and feel special and he never buys me anything. I understand this sounds petty, but I took him shopping the other day and we come home and he tells me about a pair of shoes he wants to buy his sister. Which really frustrated me.

Take an honest inventory. Pros and Cons. Count them up and see if one is far out weighs the other.

OR, flip a coin. Heads you get married and don't look back, tails you end it. Be serious enough to have a reaction.

[Anonymous]

No, if you love someone enough to get married there's no second thoughts. Period. If your having them, he's not Mr. Right. I've been married 30 years with 3 kids and have never second guessed any part of getting married, even in the beginning.

50% of marriages fail because for one big reason, they didn't marry the right person.

[Anonymous]

Is his sister's name Hannah Banana?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Childless and desperate at 40 sounds like a better alternative to married and unhappy.

This!!!

[Anonymous]

I had the same feelings and married anyway. I don't get along with or enjoy his family, VERY different political views, and it has really not been a good match. 13 years in... a DD who is 11. I love my DD. I hate my life. I wish I had listened to my doubts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think if you're feeling this way before the wedding, it signifies a problem. Any issues in the relationship that exist pre-marriage get exacerbated once you're married.

I think society portrays it as totally normal to have second thoughts, but IMO that's not normal in happy relationships.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

This. I lived it. The kind of cold feet you write about is not typical. I thought it was.

Issued will be exacerbated when you are married and again tenfold if you have kids.

Yes. Add even one kid or a pregnancy and these issues have the potential to drive you nuts for years.

[Anonymous]

You need to be on the same page regarding:

1. Sex
2. Money
3. Family/Kids
4. Religion/Values

If not, then you will quickly run into trouble.

You need to respect each other and be willing to compromise.

The rest is small stuff that can be addressed through communication.

How does that make you feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Planning on getting married in the Spring. Over the last week I've been having some second thoughts. We have strong differing family values (he is very close with his, I am not close with mine). Different political beliefs. I feel like I wear the pants in the relationship. I buy him alot of gifts and feel like I put alot of effort into making him happy and feel special and he never buys me anything. I understand this sounds petty, but I took him shopping the other day and we come home and he tells me about a pair of shoes he wants to buy his sister. Which really frustrated me.

I have a friend who is still blistered by his 9 month marriage that went south when he was having second thoughts right up to the time they wed. Listen to your instincts. Also, why would you post here unless you are seeking advise or confirmation that you need to end it.

[Anonymous]

Gift giving is an art form and not everyone can get it right or even close. Don't put to much into that, the other stuff....that does give me pause and obviously is giving you pause too. If you don't call it off completely can you delay it a few months to work through some things?