Halloween party regret

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: DS new friend group did attend but he was not the only kid that did not attend from the whole 8th grade. Ex-friends are popular crowd. Circumstances of fall out were due to excessive teasing due to hygiene (we are helping DS with this) but it went too far with teasing about the cars DH and I drive, clothes DS wears and where we live.

Ugh, that wasn't nice of them and the hurt feelings are understandable. But, those kids were young and hopefully they want to move beyond all of that too. By inviting everyone to the party it sounds as though they are really trying to get on good terms with everyone again. Maybe these kids are all growing up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here: DS new friend group did attend but he was not the only kid that did not attend from the whole 8th grade. Ex-friends are popular crowd. Circumstances of fall out were due to excessive teasing due to hygiene (we are helping DS with this) but it went too far with teasing about the cars DH and I drive, clothes DS wears and where we live.

You are making this about you - it's not. Next time, butt out.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DD had a similar falling out with her long-time friend group. When some of them reached out later on, I encouraged her to be friends with her old group on her own terms and at her own speed. She was invited to an end of the school year party from her old best friend who really hurt her, and it was ultimately my daughter's decision - her friends, her choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here: DS new friend group did attend but he was not the only kid that did not attend from the whole 8th grade. Ex-friends are popular crowd. Circumstances of fall out were due to excessive teasing due to hygiene (we are helping DS with this) but it went too far with teasing about the cars DH and I drive, clothes DS wears and where we live.

Ugh, that wasn't nice of them and the hurt feelings are understandable. But, those kids were young and hopefully they want to move beyond all of that too. By inviting everyone to the party it sounds as though they are really trying to get on good terms with everyone again. Maybe these kids are all growing up?

Kids can be brutal, and it can be hard to them to say they are sorry. I think the party invitation might have been a way to try to make up. Your DS will get another chance to decide whether or not to be friends with those kids, and hard as it is to set your feelings aside, I encourage you to let him decide.

[Anonymous]

Don't hold a grudge on your child's behalf.

[Anonymous]

So basically you decided to be selfish at your kid's expense instead of exploring the possibility that kids tend to forgive and forget and... move on with their lives.

Way to go op, teaching your son at a young age to hold onto these emotions and grudges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So basically you decided to be selfish at your kid's expense instead of exploring the possibility that kids tend to forgive and forget and... move on with their lives.

Way to go op, teaching your son at a young age to hold onto these emotions and grudges.

No need to be so hard on OP. Every parent makes poor choices at some point. The good news is she was asking for perspective and hopefully next time, will choose to be less involved in her DS's choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS had falling out with group of friends luckily found decent set of new friends. Old friends hosted Halloween party invited entire 8th grade. DS wanted to go. I did not approve due to circumstances of fall out. Shocked DS wanted to participate in anything that involved the old group. Back to school this week kids talking about party fun. DS feeling left out. Was I wrong and should have let DS go?

OP, my daughter had more than a falling out with a group of friends - she was played and ended up taking the hit for deceitful acts perpetrated by one of her friends. Shunned at school, etc. Fast forward to last week, she calls and asks me if she can hang out with this girl after school. Of course, I wanted to scream, "WTH are you thinking?" over the phone. But I didn't. She was not able to go due to time constraints, but I would l have let her go if she had been free.

[Anonymous]

Hate to pile on -- but I agree. It sounds like it was your issue not his. I have a tendency to harbor resentment on behalf of my kid too - I get it, but I remind myself constantly it's my issue not his.

[Anonymous]

Op was being protective of her son which is understandable. Once bitten twice shy you know? But in this case she would have been better off letting him decided whether or not to accept the olive branch. Op made a bad call. But show me one parent who hasn't made a bad call from time to time.

Time to let this go and move on.

[Anonymous]

You were wrong. Holding a grudge brings nothing but misery, in this case to your child.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised at the unanimous responses. Those kids sound like total douche bags. I can see myself telling my DS "No, honey, we don't go to douche bag parties." It doesn't sound like they extended a personal invitation to her son. They hosted an event for the entire grade and did not purposely exclude him.

OP, I don't know what I would have done. Maybe more of a discussion about it rather than a blanket "no way".

[Anonymous]

OP, your child was more mature and you were more childish.

Your child was the one aggrieved, was not going to hold a grudge, was going to forgive and join the old gang, but you barred him from forgiving, being the better person and moving on. Does that frame it better to help you understand why you were wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised at the unanimous responses. Those kids sound like total douche bags. I can see myself telling my DS "No, honey, we don't go to douche bag parties." It doesn't sound like they extended a personal invitation to her son. They hosted an event for the entire grade and did not purposely exclude him.

OP, I don't know what I would have done. Maybe more of a discussion about it rather than a blanket "no way".

+1

I'd hardly call this a "huge parenting fail." Discuss with your son why you thought it was better not to go (I can see reasons) and be open about his reaction and opinion. Take this into account for the next time, and in the future, make these decisions more collaboratively. Not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your child was more mature and you were more childish.

Your child was the one aggrieved, was not going to hold a grudge, was going to forgive and join the old gang, but you barred him from forgiving, being the better person and moving on. Does that frame it better to help you understand why you were wrong?

Let's get real, this was never going to happen. Sooner or later those kids would have punk'd OP's son again. She should have let her son figure this out on his own (that's a good life lesson) but I don't blame her for being a mama bear.