Halloween party regret

[Anonymous]

DS had falling out with group of friends luckily found decent set of new friends. Old friends hosted Halloween party invited entire 8th grade. DS wanted to go. I did not approve due to circumstances of fall out. Shocked DS wanted to participate in anything that involved the old group. Back to school this week kids talking about party fun. DS feeling left out. Was I wrong and should have let DS go?

[Anonymous]

Yes you were wrong.

[Anonymous]

Your kid had a chance to move on, and now you've encouraged him to pile on more negative emotions, rather than moving forward and healing. That's unfortunate.

It's hard to say for sure because we don't know the circumstances of the falling out, but I do think in the future you should encourage/support your son to socialize with different people, be forgiving, understanding, etc.

[Anonymous]

Parenting fail 101, OP, unless there was a serious safety issue involved.

Whatever the circumstances, he's going to remember this one.
I still remember all the parties my crazy mother didn't let me go to, for no good reason except that she was insanely jealous of other people wanting to spend time with me.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what the circumstances are of your DS' "falling out", but my DD has (had?) a friend she had a falling out with (and I was happy about it) but she still met up with this girl and a group of friends for Halloween. And she had a great time. It is impossible for kids in the same grade to avoid each other completely. They have to learn to deal with people who used to be their friends as friendships, I am finding (and as I compare to my own youth) are constantly shifting and changing. I want to protect my DD from people I can see hurt her, but it is important that she learns coping skills now too. If it were the whole grade, and as long as the falling out didn't have to do with drugs, etc., I'd probably would have let DS go.
This age is really really tricky and there are a lot of gray areas during which parents have to make the best decisions they can for their child (growing into adulthood).

[Anonymous]

Kids fall out, regroup and move on. You made that less likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid had a chance to move on, and now you've encouraged him to pile on more negative emotions, rather than moving forward and healing. That's unfortunate.

It's hard to say for sure because we don't know the circumstances of the falling out, but I do think in the future you should encourage/support your son to socialize with different people, be forgiving, understanding, etc.

Plus 1. You really should have let him go. It was the whole class, not just the fallout group. You can't undue it now, next time ask DCUM prior to the party.

[Anonymous]

Yes, on so many levels. Your child should have navigated this situation for himself, for one. For two, you should have allowed him to let bygones be bygones. For three, you isolated him socially. Epic fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, on so many levels. Your child should have navigated this situation for himself, for one. For two, you should have allowed him to let bygones be bygones. For three, you isolated him socially. Epic fail.

+1
I agree with this

[Anonymous]

This was a huge parenting fail.

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone can give advice without knowing the details of why they fell out.

But generally if they invited the whole grade , you should have let him go. It's. It like they would've spent much time together anyways with so many other people there.

[Anonymous]

I meant : it's not like the would've spent much time together

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you should have let him go. But, I'm sure that he's not the only kid in the 8th grade who didn't go to the party for a whole bunch of reasons.

With such a huge party I don't know that it really stood out that HE wasn't there. Tell him to not make a big deal about his not being there.

Was it a missed opportunity to move on? Sure. Did he miss out on a good time? Yes. But other opportunities will come along. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

OP here: DS new friend group did attend but he was not the only kid that did not attend from the whole 8th grade. Ex-friends are popular crowd. Circumstances of fall out were due to excessive teasing due to hygiene (we are helping DS with this) but it went too far with teasing about the cars DH and I drive, clothes DS wears and where we live.

[Anonymous]

I have been through those tween years five times, OP. The best advise I can offer is that you need to back off. You are way too involved in your 8th graders social life. Kids don't need mommy arranging play dates in middle school.