verbal/emotional abuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Name calling, telling you that no one would ever want you and you should be glad he/she puts up with you, humiliating comments, telling you he'll/she'll commit suicide if you ever leave him/her, I mean the possibilities are endless.

This.

Plus the yelling and raging. Speeding dangerously either away from you or with you in the car. Downtalking your family and friends.
Mostly the no one will ever want you stuff.
Making you feel like you're an awful person when the rest of the world seems to think you're pretty good.
I don't agree with 'it's in the eye of the beholder' because abuse is abuse. However they will work your weak spots (if you're self conscious of your appearance they might focus there). So the abuse can manifest differently for different people but the underlying theme is further diminishing your already low self worth so you're reliant on them and they can control you.
It helped me to quit keeping his secret and start telling people specific things and seeing the horrified looks on their faces. It's a wake up call, that's for sure.
Also you feel like a different person apart from them and start dreading coming home.

This is an incredible TED Talk about why the abused don't leave and part of getting out is not keeping their secret that they are abusing you.

http://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave

Agree 100% One time, I said to my husband, "how about I post what you just said on Facebook? You OK with that? Because I am perfectly OK with posting everything I have said here." When he said no, I told him he better start wondering why it's not OK and why he would be utterly ashamed and embarrassed if his friends and family knew the way he talked to me.

No. This is not a good way to gauge. Couples can have arguments that they wouldn't necessarily want to broadcast, word for word, to the world. That doesn't necessarily mean abuse.

[Anonymous]

Lying. Being sexually unfaithful, if monogamy was promised.

[Anonymous]

Examples of emotional abuse: Giving the silent treatment. Using rage outbursts to shut down conversations and to intimidate and control another. Relentlessly needling someone until you either make them cry or lose their temper. Lying and gaslighting. Triangulating--using another person to make the object of abuse feel bad, jealous, inadequate, distanced.

[Anonymous]

An old acquaintance's DH would lecture her and his teenage Son for hours. On every single subject. Kept her and the kids up late until he decided he was done. Beat every subject into the ground. Anything could get him going. Didn't call any names or insult directly but cursed a lot. Emotional abuse for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, abuse is very much in the eye of the beholder. Anything and everything can fall into this category should the victim think so.

This is absolutely NOT true. Not to be insensitive, but really, it's not true. People can be over sensitive. Interpreting any disagreement or any harsh word as abuse is wrong and it takes away from the resources that should be directed at those who are truly victims.

The problem is there is no hard and fast rule that delineates experiencing abuse from being too sensitive. That's why perception rules in things like abuse, harassment etc.

Not saying it's right or wrong. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:dw's or dh's, can you give examples of verbal/emotional abuse by your so? AND, can the dcum "stop caring" method be effective in such circumstances?

How about these? - No, the "stop caring" method wouldn't work for me here.

In an argument, DH showers with me insults and accusations and refuses to let me explain or defend myself in any way. He is always right. I am always wrong. This alone feels plenty abusive to me.

On top of it, he says that if I want to be heard, I need to yell over him because that's how they do it in America. So I interrupted him and he told me to "shut the fuck up." In response, I said that I wouldn't let him to me that way and refused to listen until he calmed down. So he forced me on the ground and continued to yell at me to force me to listen. I still refused let him treat me this way, he got angrier and more physical, saying that I was provoking him. He wrestled well in HS and knows how to force a person down without injuring them. Still, angry strength is threatening enough for me, who hasn't fought anyone since kid fights with sister. I kicked him away, unintentionally hit him in a weak spot in the leg, and he complained to me on and off for a month that I used "excessive force" and and that he wasn't really hurting me. What an asshole.

Anonymous wrote:If you can't tell your friends and family about it, it's abusive.

Absolutely.

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For those who may be wondering why stay: DD loves her dad, her dog and her neighborhood. It breaks my heart to take her away from her home where all is calm and decent most of the time.