How much to fight for maintaining blended family/marriage

[Anonymous]

Having a child will only make things worse.
Maybe you are beginning to see why his ex divorced him?

Agree that your first duty is to your minor children. You need to remove them from an environment that includes an addict.

[Anonymous]

Eerie, how similar my circumstances were/are to OP. I thought perhaps I had written the post myself. My DH is in recovery and has been for over a year now. He has battled addiction most of his life. We both went through messy divorces and we have no shared children, however I have a very close relationship with my stepkids. My DC has known my DH since a very young age. At the time I was debating on what to do (leave or not leave), they did not have the best relationship, either. Of course, part of the reason they didn't have a great connection was because of the drinking. Fast forward over a year and things have improved dramatically. Here's the thing, it comes down to whether you both truly want things to work. How committed and invested are you both in the family as a whole? We found a good addiction counselor who worked with families in crisis and we both went and did the work. Yes, addiction is a lifelong struggle and I am aware that relapse is possible, but I also see the work he's put in and how important having our blended family remain intact is to him. It's good for his children, and mine, as neither of us want them going through another divorce. Do not be dismissive of the relevance of stepparents in a child's life. Stability is very important and to just leave and assume because there's no biological connection with the other parent that everything will be fine is a huge mistake. Despite their rocky relationship, when my child saw the aftermath of one of my DH's benders, they thought my DH was dying and became extremely distraught. That became a turning point for them both because my DH saw how much my child cared for him and how scared my child was for him. It was a dose of reality that really helped things change. It CAN work, if both of you are committed to healing, forgiving, and doing the hard work. I am NOT saying forgetting...forgiving is not the same thing as letting someone get away with bad behavior. Wishing you all the best, OP.