Help me choose: weak public with tutor, or catholic, or $40K private...

[Anonymous]

have her join oldest at expensive private. She doesn't really want to go there, and we cant really afford it.

This is a problem which will fester between siblings. Forever. An inequitable allocation of family resources. Not good

[Anonymous]

I'd pick the Catholic school, personally.

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can pay for private for one and suboptimal public for the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you can pay for private for one and suboptimal public for the other.

OP here. I agree. It would have to be her choice, and there would have to be some form of compensation to even things out.

[Anonymous]

Move. There's more to school than just the academics. It's continuing to foster the love of learning and being surrounded by kids who enjoy and are good in school as well. If you're not in a good ms then HS is such a shock to the system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or move for middle school.

Back story: we live in an area zoned for an improving but weak middle school.

Child #2 hits MS next year. She is an okay student who seems to be behind in part because she had an inexperienced and not talented sub for 6 months last year.

Our options are :

1) an ok catholic school where she will get a solid education in the basics. We aent religious, but are not opposed.

2) send to the barely passable public MS knowing a tutor will be needed to be prepared for HS

3) have her join oldest at expensive private. She doesn't really want to go there, and we cant really afford it.

4) move, probably to attend westland.

For option 2) we dont know how to structure a full scale supplementation plan for math, language arts, but i think it will be much less than $40k.

Advice welcome and needed.

First - there is no way I would send my mediocre, doesn't want to go there child to a $40k school I could not afford.

I think if the Catholic school would prepare her for high school and she wouldn't be ostracized due to not being Catholic and/or religious, that would be my choice. I would see how much religion is involved in the curriculum. Often, it isn't as much as you may think.

That's true of Lutheran schools, but not Catholic schools. Religion is a daily occurrence and many subjects are taught with religion in mind - History for example.

In what way is history taught with religion in mind in Catholic grade schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in a similar situation and are going to try the local ms. Nobody ever got irrevocably damaged from a mediocre 6th grade, and if we're wrong he can apply to private next year.

Don't. We did same and our "top" student was so far behind in private school in 7th grade. Try to get kid caught up in 6th in private - much better.

Behind in what way is always the question pressing here .... what was your child supposed to already know that your child didn't know and how did it manifest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or move for middle school.

Back story: we live in an area zoned for an improving but weak middle school.

Child #2 hits MS next year. She is an okay student who seems to be behind in part because she had an inexperienced and not talented sub for 6 months last year.

Our options are :

1) an ok catholic school where she will get a solid education in the basics. We aent religious, but are not opposed.

2) send to the barely passable public MS knowing a tutor will be needed to be prepared for HS

3) have her join oldest at expensive private. She doesn't really want to go there, and we cant really afford it.

4) move, probably to attend westland.

For option 2) we dont know how to structure a full scale supplementation plan for math, language arts, but i think it will be much less than $40k.

Advice welcome and needed.

First - there is no way I would send my mediocre, doesn't want to go there child to a $40k school I could not afford.

I think if the Catholic school would prepare her for high school and she wouldn't be ostracized due to not being Catholic and/or religious, that would be my choice. I would see how much religion is involved in the curriculum. Often, it isn't as much as you may think.

That's true of Lutheran schools, but not Catholic schools. Religion is a daily occurrence and many subjects are taught with religion in mind - History for example.

In what way is history taught with religion in mind in Catholic grade schools?

One way - I think Catholic schools focus more on European history than other history.

[Anonymous]

definitely 3 or 4. If your oldest is at a private, why wouldn't you send your younger one there?

[Anonymous]

OP -- I was pretty much in your position. We moved. It made a lot of sense objectively. What we didn't factor in was the subjective connection to our old area. While one kid's new public school seems to be better, the other kid's public school seems to be not as good as the old. DH's commute improved. So, while we accomplished most of what we set out to accomplish (better schools -- especially for the kid going into middle who had a substandard ES experience), I think we lost out on things we had going for us before (community familiarity, friends, and small decrease in second kid's school).

It also cost us many pretty pennies to sell our house, buy this house and fix/maintain things that hadn't been done. All in all, I wish we had stayed put. The stress, the money, the loss of community that we knew and the kids' friends, more congestion/traffic in the new area.... it wasn't worth it. I look at going back (even to the lower school) b/c it was just an easier life.

Think carefully about cutting ties with what you know/have. We didn't think we had that much to lose, but turns out it was better than we realized.

[Anonymous]

OP, keep in mind that even the best schools can have teachers with whom your children don't mesh.

[Anonymous]

Based on YOUR backstory, Catholic all the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP -- I was pretty much in your position. We moved. It made a lot of sense objectively. What we didn't factor in was the subjective connection to our old area. While one kid's new public school seems to be better, the other kid's public school seems to be not as good as the old. DH's commute improved. So, while we accomplished most of what we set out to accomplish (better schools -- especially for the kid going into middle who had a substandard ES experience), I think we lost out on things we had going for us before (community familiarity, friends, and small decrease in second kid's school).

It also cost us many pretty pennies to sell our house, buy this house and fix/maintain things that hadn't been done. All in all, I wish we had stayed put. The stress, the money, the loss of community that we knew and the kids' friends, more congestion/traffic in the new area.... it wasn't worth it. I look at going back (even to the lower school) b/c it was just an easier life.

Think carefully about cutting ties with what you know/have. We didn't think we had that much to lose, but turns out it was better than we realized.

Thanks for this. We really like our neighborhood and it would cost a lot to move. Commute will likely be worse, too. I need to start playing powerball.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think you can pay for private for one and suboptimal public for the other.

OP here. I agree. It would have to be her choice, and there would have to be some form of compensation to even things out.

She is a kid. Be careful about letting her make the choice since she could have some preferences reflecting her immaturity. She can choose from among legit options. Suboptimal public is not one, even with tutors. My kid is currently refusing to be tutored in a subject where he needs it and that is not uncommon.

She should only get to choose among legit options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move. There's more to school than just the academics. It's continuing to foster the love of learning and being surrounded by kids who enjoy and are good in school as well. If you're not in a good ms then HS is such a shock to the system.

I agree though I'm not sure my pre-teen would say any school fosters a love of learning. Between the age and her personality our bar is lower.
You want to have the foundation, a large peer group (other kids that enjoy and are good in school), and the community/connection to others.

Have you run the numbers to rent out your current place and rent a new place for a public middle school you want? This may be less of a financial commitment than selling. Also, you might be able to afford rent in places with a more favorable commute plus good middle school but not afford to buy a house in those same locations.

If you do move, there will be more work for you to make sure your child is transitioning well and that your family makes connections to the community. This may mean researching how your daughter can stay involved in her current interests at the new location, volunteering and getting to know other families, being outgoing (but not needy) with neighbor's and new families. In other words, if you aren't feeling like you are in middle school too, you aren't doing it right . I will caveat that there are those children that absolutely can make new friends easily without knowing anyone and come home with social invitations and the parents keep to themselves and do their own thing and the child isn't involved in any activities but I don't think that is the norm ...especially with girls in middle school.