S/O: What women should know getting into a relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never give a man a key to your place or let him move in (same could go for a woman) unless you have a household joint account and work out bill splitting first.

co-habitation is trashy. only low class (or those who were recently low class) do this.

I didn't ask for your opinion on people's living arrangements I asked specifically for ideas on how women can protect themselves from assholes. When a woman is being abused, particularly mentally, she can be talked into giving up all her rights. I'm trying to help her go into the relationship strong, so she doesn't end up there.

exactly - don't co-habitate is a great way of protecting yourself. If you have the unwavering view that it is trashy you are less likely to do it.

NP here, actually, not everyone has to label something as bad to keep themselves from doing it.
I didn't cohabitate and I don't think it's a good idea. I don't believe it's trashy though, and needing to cast those aspersions just to try to regulate your behavior seems pathetic.

[Anonymous]

I bet there are plenty of websites that lay out the do's and don'ts of getting into a relationship whether it is co-hab or marriage. There are so many possible legal entanglements that there are no easy answers. Once you understand the do's and don'ts the challenge is working through them with your partner in a way that doesn't create a battle.

[Anonymous]

You all are some seriously damaged/bitter people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems there are many threads about women being screwed over when a relationship falls apart or a divorce happens.

I'm suggesting a you really need to do this, or watch out for this thread where you share experiences or tips if you're a professional that can help women if shit hits the fan.

1. Preferably never share finances, have a joint account to which you both contribute to pay household expenses.
2. If either of you has money, have a prenup that protects you.
3. Don't live with a man in his house. It's either in both your names, or you have your own place with your own name on it. Never contribute finances without your name on the property.

Go...

Did none of these things... and lived together and all the other things advised against in this thread. Still together almost 30 yrs now . Lol!

[Anonymous]

I think living together before marriage is absolutely necessary - words are just words, but living together will show you what your life together will really look like. That said, don't live together as an audition for marriage or (worse) because it makes sense logistically. Only move in when you're already pretty sure you're headed for marriage (or other long-term commitment). This means you've asked yourself the tough questions about his goals and values (and yours), and feel you'll be compatible in the long term. Cohabitation can alert you to some deal breakers, but it's a costly and stressful way to be forced to address ones you could have foreseen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never give a man a key to your place or let him move in (same could go for a woman) unless you have a household joint account and work out bill splitting first.

co-habitation is trashy. only low class (or those who were recently low class) do this.

Oh, you're back.

[Anonymous]

Don't forget that kids are a biological impulse. You will be better off if you don't give in to that urge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never give a man a key to your place or let him move in (same could go for a woman) unless you have a household joint account and work out bill splitting first.

co-habitation is trashy. only low class (or those who were recently low class) do this.

I didn't ask for your opinion on people's living arrangements I asked specifically for ideas on how women can protect themselves from assholes. When a woman is being abused, particularly mentally, she can be talked into giving up all her rights. I'm trying to help her go into the relationship strong, so she doesn't end up there.

exactly - don't co-habitate is a great way of protecting yourself. If you have the unwavering view that it is trashy you are less likely to do it.

NP here, actually, not everyone has to label something as bad to keep themselves from doing it.
I didn't cohabitate and I don't think it's a good idea. I don't believe it's trashy though, and needing to cast those aspersions just to try to regulate your behavior seems pathetic.

Living together was fantastic! She got what she wanted - a place of her own - and I got what I wanted, which was basically to come home to her every evening. We did not have a joint account; we simply discussed finances up front, mostly the rent. If it had all gone south, we both were only on a year lease, not a permanent legal contract to each other.

What we did have going into it was a relationship; we were already enduring each other's parents. I'm sure she was concerned about finances going in, but by time we renewed the lease she knew she was boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems there are many threads about women being screwed over when a relationship falls apart or a divorce happens.

I'm suggesting a you really need to do this, or watch out for this thread where you share experiences or tips if you're a professional that can help women if shit hits the fan.

1. Preferably never share finances, have a joint account to which you both contribute to pay household expenses.
2. If either of you has money, have a prenup that protects you.
3. Don't live with a man in his house. It's either in both your names, or you have your own place with your own name on it. Never contribute finances without your name on the property.

Go...

I am a man who has been through a divorce, and I just want to say all this advice applies equally to both sexes.

There is NO reason not to follow #1 & #2, even if you are in the best relationship ever.

#3 also applies - guys, don't live in "her place" either. This is really super-important even if you both have places: get rid of "your" place(s) and get a place that belongs to both of you - that way nobody is "taking over" or feels they have "I was here first" rights.

A marriage is a partnership of equals.

[Anonymous]

A man is not a plan.

[Anonymous]

Have enough self-respect and self-esteem to know when you are being treated disrespectfully and should just leave, and when you should look a hard look at your own behavior and make changes in your own self to make the relationship better.