What are the signs of an affair?

[Anonymous]

They disengage emotionally. They are not emotionally vulnerable anymore. A lot of times, they also pick fights over nothing. Very low tolerance for arguments.

Lots of business trips.

Not being where they say they will be.

Turning off their phone when they should be reachable.

Spending more money or credit card charges to restaurants/ hotels or even gifts. (This one isn't always there-- especially if the affair is established-- but, if it is, it's a paper trail that a spouse can often access. Usually, it's harder to find the texting/ email trail.)

Interest is something completely new (maybe something the AP is into) like a new kind of music or they will suddenly take up some new sport or can't stop talking about cooking/ flying/ crossfit.

But I agree with the poster above: sometimes, there are no signs. If the spouse is carrying on quick, one-night stands on business trips, it may be hard to find out unless they come home with an STD. True, they might be unreachable by phone but that could be a million things. A very long-term affair is also hard to catch because they might just meet at someone's house and the affair time is built into the the person's usually calendar. Plus, a couple in a very long-term affair may not actually meet that often-- maybe they're old friends and meet a couple of times a year when the spouses go away on business trips or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Lack of interest in discussing future plans with you: next weekend's party, next year's vacation, etc.

[Anonymous]

Big changes in appearance. New hair, more make up. New underwear. Sexy clothes. There can be lots of signs if you pay close attention.

[Anonymous]

These were listed in an article I read about possible signs of an affair:
Avoids eye contact with you.
Talks continually about the unknowns of the future.
Shows an increased disinterest in the topic of sex.
Makes excuses for not spending time alone with you.
Acts unusually guilty when you do something nice for him/her.
Quits complimenting you on your physical attractiveness.
Stops saying, "I love you" and even acts rudely to you.
Starts buying you gifts to ease his or her guilt.

Would you like to read the full article?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weight loss. It's so cliche, but my husband miraculously dropped the extra 30 pounds he packed on during my pregnancies (oddly he gained more than me and didn't try to take any of it off). I joked with my best friend that he was having an affair. The joke was on me, though, because he was having an affair. Since the affair ended, he packed the weight right back on. I guess that's a sign he's being faithful, but it really grates on me that he was in shape for the OW and I don't count. Not to mention the health impacts (his family has a history of diabetes and his diabetic dad has been warning him about needing lifestyle changes for years). Funny thing is that I didn't really care about the extra weight except for health issues until I realized he was willing to try to look sharp for someone else.

He also became mean to me. Everything was all of a sudden my fault.

Finally, he worked all of the time, including overnight. I was pretty naive and actually felt very bad about his long hours. Of course, now I know he was using that time to woo and sleep with a coworker.

Did you get fat

[Anonymous]

Sudden interest in teeth whitening.

Weight loss.

More time and attention on clothes, makeup and hair than usual.

New "hobbies" that require time out of the house: girls' night out, gym, book club, etc.

Password protected phone and laptop.

Turns off "find my phone" app

Needs more ATM cash withdrawals than before

Distant behavior, easily annoyed, not interested in sex

Lets phone calls roll to voice mail even though she could obviously answer it

keeps phone face down so you cannot see texts and incoming call info

takes phone to the bathroom with her (men do this big time)

finds weird excuses to leave the house with phone ... like walking the dog when dog just had a walk not long ago

[Anonymous]

OR, has a total different phone that you don't know anything about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weight loss. It's so cliche, but my husband miraculously dropped the extra 30 pounds he packed on during my pregnancies (oddly he gained more than me and didn't try to take any of it off). I joked with my best friend that he was having an affair. The joke was on me, though, because he was having an affair. Since the affair ended, he packed the weight right back on. I guess that's a sign he's being faithful, but it really grates on me that he was in shape for the OW and I don't count. Not to mention the health impacts (his family has a history of diabetes and his diabetic dad has been warning him about needing lifestyle changes for years). Funny thing is that I didn't really care about the extra weight except for health issues until I realized he was willing to try to look sharp for someone else.

He also became mean to me. Everything was all of a sudden my fault.

Finally, he worked all of the time, including overnight. I was pretty naive and actually felt very bad about his long hours. Of course, now I know he was using that time to woo and sleep with a coworker.

Did you get fat

Nope. Weighed the same as when we got together. He's the one who gained lots of weight while I was pregnant and didn't lose it. I lost my pregnancy weight within three months of giving birth.

[Anonymous]

Bump

[Anonymous]

I'm not a jealous person. When my DH cheated, I felt irrationally (so I thought) jealous. DH would tell stories that made no sense (he "went out for a drive" for three hours on a Tuesday). He was extremely possessive of his phone - if I wanted to look something up while mine was charging he'd say "just go get yours."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weight loss. It's so cliche, but my husband miraculously dropped the extra 30 pounds he packed on during my pregnancies (oddly he gained more than me and didn't try to take any of it off). I joked with my best friend that he was having an affair. The joke was on me, though, because he was having an affair. Since the affair ended, he packed the weight right back on. I guess that's a sign he's being faithful, but it really grates on me that he was in shape for the OW and I don't count. Not to mention the health impacts (his family has a history of diabetes and his diabetic dad has been warning him about needing lifestyle changes for years). Funny thing is that I didn't really care about the extra weight except for health issues until I realized he was willing to try to look sharp for someone else.

He also became mean to me. Everything was all of a sudden my fault.

Finally, he worked all of the time, including overnight. I was pretty naive and actually felt very bad about his long hours. Of course, now I know he was using that time to woo and sleep with a coworker.

How did and do you keep from killing him? Not literally, but you know what I mean.
I'd be so angry at all of this.

[Anonymous]

My husband was on his phone all.the.time and guarded it like a hawk. Even my parents asked who he was talking to so frequently and said no way it was a guy friend unless he is gay. They were correct - it was a woman.

[Anonymous]

Sex life at home, of you aren't having a lot of sex and your spouse wanted more, good chance they will start looking for an affair

[Anonymous]

Always running errands. We were driving back from an out of town trip. It's 10 pm, we are slated to arrive home at midnight, and there's work the next day. He tells me he's going to go to the grocery store when we get back. He doesn't ever eat breakfast at home or bring lunch, nor does he ever think about the kids' needs. I had been making excuses for all of his "errands" before that point, but that was the strangest one.

[Anonymous]

Yes, the errands are another one. And they always take a little longer than you'd think they should. "Traffic" or "the place was really busy and crowded."