Cub Scount conflict with DH

[Anonymous]

My experience with cub scouts for my DS is that it is a place where "boys can be boys" and it's OK for them to run around, jump, climb, goof off, etc. at least our troop has this philosophy. I am happy my very active and wiggly son has a place and activity where he isn't frowned upon if he wants to run outside or wrestle with friends on the playground so long as they are being safe. Is it annoying for parents, sure and it may seem like a waste of time, but my DS gets something out of it so we still go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH was like yours last year. Complaining, complaining, complaining. I finally told him that he needs to offer suggestions on how to improve and attend the planning meetings. Don't just complain and expect things to magically change. How about actually getting involved? I completely understand not wanting to lead a pack or den. DS, who is almost 9 is in cub scouts. We decided to get more involved without taking on a leadership role. If the kids are out of control, we, as adults interject and help bring order. We offer suggestions, help organize events, and help lead. The person that said that the kids settle more and more, year by year is correct, or at least that's what we see at our pack meetings. It also helped that attending scout activities was not all on DH. Sometimes I would go. I'm leading my first activity this year, while DH stays home with our younger son.

+1 we did the same... help out a lot without being the official leaders. I agree that parents complain too much without offering to help. It's very annoying. The leaders are all volunteers. If you want more from it for your child, then do something about it and volunteer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I don't like about these groups are it appears to be organized yet they aren't. Makes me wonder if you can just get a group of friends together and do those things with them. Have you been able to establish some friendships that goes beyond meeting at cub scouts? If so, you can focus on those friendships. And I know some people definitely need cub scouts to do whatever. To me, so much can be done and organized the way you want if you just tap into your creative side and inner nature-that is if the other parents think the way you do. And some parents do.

My husband is a den leader and I can tell you with all certainty that the leaders put an enormous amount of time into organization and planning, especially at the lower cub scout level.

Unfortunately, managing a large group of kindergarten through third grade boys in an inside activity in the eveneing after they have spent most of their day inside, quiet, still, and trying very hard to behave like compliant well behaved girls is an almost impossible feat. It is similar to taking a dozen 8-12 week old puppies, putting them unleashed into a small space, and expecting them to sit quietly at attention and listen to every command, all while not touching one another, wrestling, jumping or playing.

Not gonna happen no matter who is leading the group.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, I didn't carefully read all of the responses, but what is your DH like socially and anxiety wise? Is it possible that there is something about being at cub scouts that is uncomfortable for him, like having to try to socialize with the other dads or not exactly knowing how much "goofing around" he should allow his son to do?

I ask because I have a socially quirky kid myself, and although I wouldn't describe myself as "quirky" I am very introverted and socially anxious. I dislike school/sports functions where I have to socialize with parents who I don't know well. But I understand this about myself and I work on it, and these days there are usually a number of people sitting alone staring at their phones so I fit right in.

If this could be part of it I am not sure what the solution is unless your DH is open to talking about it.

[Anonymous]

PP, I definitely agree that part of it is that DH doesn't like to socialize with the other dads - he is a reserved guy and doesn't have a ton of common interests with these dads. But really, the benefit is for DS, and no one is asking DH to become blood brothers with these guys, just to get through two scout meetings a month!

[Anonymous]

You both work so you likely have extra $$ lying around. Hire a nanny to take him. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

I bet your DH is like your son, not that social, dislikes chaos and loud noises. Even if he doesn't act like it, that is more likely the reason than that he's a lazy good for nothing bum. Why force DH to do something he doesn't want to do? If they are similar in temperament, they can come up with an alternative. I think chess is fine for developing social skills even if it's with kids he's not in class with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You both work so you likely have extra $$ lying around. Hire a nanny to take him. Problem solved.

This is not the best idea. Yes, do it for the occasional meeting if necessary, but boy scouts/cub scouts is much more of a "family" commitment than girl scouts or soccer league. As a parent, you are expected to be part of it. It's kind of an "all in" mind set.

[Anonymous]

I think that Scouts is a great activity for boys, especially ones who are not as interested in sports (which, in our experience, is where a lot of the socializing for boys occurs). That said, I also do find the meetings kind of annoying and crazy. Since this is more important to you than DH, I would talk to DH and re-explain why you think it is an important activity, and tell him that you will take DS to as many meetings as you can, but that you would like him to take DS on the times that you can't - that seems a reasonable compromise to me. The other piece of this is when they start camping - my friend (a woman) is usually the parent who goes to Scouts meetings and on Scouts campouts with her youngest son (because she has 3 sons and her DH can't do all Scouts stuff with all 3 of them) - she says that she is usually the only mom there, but it is not a big deal and she actually enjoys spending time with her son and his friends in the Scout environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You both work so you likely have extra $$ lying around. Hire a nanny to take him. Problem solved.

This is not the best idea. Yes, do it for the occasional meeting if necessary, but boy scouts/cub scouts is much more of a "family" commitment than girl scouts or soccer league. As a parent, you are expected to be part of it. It's kind of an "all in" mind set.

Agreed, this is a horrible idea. It would be better to ask another parent to take your child with his/her own rather than sending a babysitter with your child.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar situation and I just take my son whenever I can. DH stepped up and took him to two outside activities that conflicted with things for our other kids (including, to his credit, camping which he hates) but I cover all the meetings. There are occasionally other moms there, and I've gotten to know a lot of dads this way! Kind of a nice break from the mom crowd.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, guys. I am totally happy to cover most of the camping trips, as I really love camping and rarely get to go.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose son sounds exactly like yours. He did cub scouts and now is involved with Boy Scouts. It is the only activity he does and he has made a few friends along the way. His single mom was very involved with the cub scouts, less so with the Boy Scouts. Try to keep him involved. Any way another dad could "adopt" him for meeting and trips? As the boys get bigger they really don't want their moms along and it sounds like your husband is never going to take the lead. This option might shame your DH into participating with his son.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your DH is an introvert. Pick another activity that is drop off, or you take him.

[Anonymous]

Does your DH share your concern about your son's socialization? Or does he feel like your concern implies criticism of DH's introversion?