placing blame

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he a lawyer?

What I was going to ask! I am a lawyer and can be like this (unfortunately). But if you are litigating and always looking for your winning argument, always trying to shoot down someone else's argument, it's hard for it not to spill over into life at home unless you are conscious of it.

[Anonymous]

Really? You're going to "talk about it later" over a corn cob? Why not just roll your eyes and move on? You sound like the kind of exhausting, annoying wife who always needs to "talk about" every last little thing. And who thinks she is never wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a lawyer?

What I was going to ask! I am a lawyer and can be like this (unfortunately). But if you are litigating and always looking for your winning argument, always trying to shoot down someone else's argument, it's hard for it not to spill over into life at home unless you are conscious of it.

This is so true. It's exhausting. -The Wife of a Litigator

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he a lawyer?

What I was going to ask! I am a lawyer and can be like this (unfortunately). But if you are litigating and always looking for your winning argument, always trying to shoot down someone else's argument, it's hard for it not to spill over into life at home unless you are conscious of it.

This is so true. It's exhausting. -The Wife of a Litigator

My husband will ask me why I am "arguing" about something, when from my perspective, I am exploring different angles and testing out different sides of the same issue, not arguing. I am more critical than my husband and pay more attention to detail. He would not think to order party favors, much less care what they looked like if he saw them. OTOH, I could see myself criticizing him for getting party favors that I didn't like, if I told him to order them. Something to work on, I know...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've noticed that DH is super quick to place blame even when it isn't warranted. Here are two instances that happened tonight:

1. We all had dinner and then went to watch the last few minutes of the Giants/Cowboys game. Most of the food/dishes had been cleared but DS's corn cob was still on his plate on the table. The dog got it and we had to quickly get him to drop it before he swallowed it (he has serious stomach issues). We're in the middle of trying to pry it from his mouth and DH starts telling me that it was my fault because I didn't fully clear the table. I told him we needed to focus on getting the dog to drop the corn cob and then we could talk about it. But he kept saying it over and over. We finally got the dog to drop it and everything was fine but DH couldn't let it go.

2. DS's birthday party is coming up soon and I had ordered favors from an online store and they came yesterday. Tonight after DS went to bed I opened the box and brought one in to show DH. All he said was "well, you ordered them", in a way that voiced disapproval. There was nothing wrong with the favor.

In the first instance, I could see that somebody would be blamed for not fully clearing the table, but it automatically had to be me. The type of placing blame in the second instance is one that happens very frequently. It seems to be a very strange reaction to me, like he's looking to pick a fight or something, when I'm not even saying anything that requires blame to be placed. There's no problem in these situations, but DH wants to find one and wants me to know it's my fault.

It's frustrating because it often stops me in my tracks because it's such a WTF reaction. And even when it's somewhat understandable for blame to be placed, like in the dog incident, his need to do that while we're still smack in the middle of dealing with the more important issue (getting the cob out of the dog's mouth) is strange to me. But it seems that his priority is to be able to blame me as quickly as possible.

Does this happen to anyone else?

My mother is like that, it is exhausting. She has no clue. She is wonderful on a lot of aspects, take charge rational active type, she is usually right, rarely make mistakes BUT can never let things "just be". And so she is always tracking the source of the mistake. To a point that reaches absurdity on those 10% cases when she is actually in the wrong "yes I lost the keys but if A hadn't done XY 10 days ago, then B wouldn't have done Z, and then I wouldn't have had the keys in my hands at that precise moment (and left them at the market counter)"

She doesn't seem to understand if we (her husband and kids) were actually doing the same thing with the same level of artistic license we could also always assign the blame somewhere else. Whenever I tried pointing it out and she threw a tantrum. We just try to ignore her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you consult him on the party favors or just do it? Maybe he's upset that you didn't include him on the party planning.

No, he has no interest in planning the party. But he likes to criticize choices I make. Same with planning travel. He wants me to do it but then criticizes it once we're there. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? You're going to "talk about it later" over a corn cob? Why not just roll your eyes and move on? You sound like the kind of exhausting, annoying wife who always needs to "talk about" every last little thing. And who thinks she is never wrong.

I didn't want to talk about it later. I just wanted to focus on getting the corn out of the dog's mouth and not have a conversation about how it was my fault while I was doing it, so I said we could talk about it later to get him to stop talking about it. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? You're going to "talk about it later" over a corn cob? Why not just roll your eyes and move on? You sound like the kind of exhausting, annoying wife who always needs to "talk about" every last little thing. And who thinks she is never wrong.

I didn't want to talk about it later. I just wanted to focus on getting the corn out of the dog's mouth and not have a conversation about how it was my fault while I was doing it, so I said we could talk about it later to get him to stop talking about it. -OP

Stand behind the dog, and place your hands so they are opening his jaw, teeth, The dog will not fight you, and will relate what is in his mouth.

[Anonymous]

When your husband puts on his Judge Corn Cob robe, just respond "If you say so, dear." As flatly as possible. And move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you consult him on the party favors or just do it? Maybe he's upset that you didn't include him on the party planning.

Most men do not care about party favors! Maybe he was worried how much money she spent.

Here is the thing, I learned to not show my husband piddly crap. He is better with the big stuff. The small stuff he does not want to be bothered with.

Married 22 years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? You're going to "talk about it later" over a corn cob? Why not just roll your eyes and move on? You sound like the kind of exhausting, annoying wife who always needs to "talk about" every last little thing. And who thinks she is never wrong.

I didn't want to talk about it later. I just wanted to focus on getting the corn out of the dog's mouth and not have a conversation about how it was my fault while I was doing it, so I said we could talk about it later to get him to stop talking about it. -OP

WTF is there to talk about? To roll your eyes is that passive aggressive action ... It wasn't her fault, no need for him to blame her for not controlling the dog every second of the day (who didn't train the dog to not eat off the table? Both of them. Who didn't clear the table? Both of them. I think they both could say Holy smokes, we messed up, next time lets be better, and then just move on. He sounds like an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you consult him on the party favors or just do it? Maybe he's upset that you didn't include him on the party planning.

No, he has no interest in planning the party. But he likes to criticize choices I make. Same with planning travel. He wants me to do it but then criticizes it once we're there. -OP

Again, critcizing without doing the work ... ass.