How do you break up the monotony of parenting/working life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My life is like this. We're definitely in a rut, especially during soccer season when most of our free time is spoken for. But in my case, I'm a single mom with a decent coparent, so I get to have a little non-mom fun on the nights he has her, plus the occasional weekend off with friends. And I have a hobby (running) that energizes me, and I occasionally pick up new skills to keep life interesting. (stand-up paddleboarding, kayaking and soccer this last 3 years.)

You are like the polar opposite of OP.

[Anonymous]

I understand where you are coming from OP, as I'm a person who is energized by change and new adventures, which is a bit at odds with our typical suburban family life and my husband's approach for life (he's great, and up for adventure, but doesn't seek it out).

In our family life, my solution is to look ahead to the next big thing. We entertain a lot, both for kids and adults, so I spend sometime looking forward and planning for whatever our next big (or small) event might be. I plan interesting vacations, daydreaming about them far in advance, whether that's a weekend canoe/backpacking trip, or a couple weeks in a foreign country (which we can only swing every few years). In my limited free time, I try new activities (training for races, other things that get me exercise) and I get enjoyment out of introducing my kids to new activities. I also do somewhat ill-advised things to spice up our lives, like getting a puppy

Increasingly, my job is my outlet for "excitement". I've moved into a role where I'm doing more "high stakes" business development and negotiating organizational change as management and building new things. Those things have been surprisingly fulfilling. I also pursue travel through work, and sometimes tack a weekend trip or at least a 1/2 day exploring, onto a business trip or conference.

As long as I have something new and different to look forward to, I see to do okay.

[Anonymous]

Not sure how many kids you have, but maybe try breaking it up--you and DC1 go to the museum and DH and DC2 go for a bike ride. That way, you get to hear about what the other group did, you have some fun adventure to look forward to, and you have an opportunity to miss the other group, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recognize that this sounds ungrateful, and I do regret that. We have good jobs, wonderful kids, a great neighborhood, and I do feel very lucky. But I'm also just really getting bored with the same tired routine day in and day out and feeling like I need to bust things up a bit. Usually I'm a bit excited for the school year to start, because at least that represents something new, but I'm kind of dreading it. Feels like every single day, we just get up, get the kids off to the bus, go to work, come home, make dinner, get the kids to an activity, help them with homework, go to bed. Over and over and over. I guess maybe that's just life? Anyone else feeling antsy to mix things up? Or have suggestions for seeing the bright side of things? Thanks for anything - even if it's just to tell me to be happy with my boring life

Did you marry before getting all the drive to mix it up out of the system?

[Anonymous]

I joined an all women's Afro Bahia percussion band that plays samba-reggae music.

Seriously.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone - thank you so much. Good to hear others are challenged by this too and I love all the suggestions. I think I need to just actively plan fun things and then look forward to them. I like what the PP said - I too am "challenged by change and new adventures." That perfectly sums it up. And there just hasn't been any change or new adventures for me to get excited about in a while. Loving the suggestions - keep 'em coming

[Anonymous]

OP, I don't have many suggestions, but just want to say I totally relate. I am happy with my life as well, but I get really antsy all of a sudden when the "routine" has gone on too long. And it's usually weeknights that make me feel bored, I'm fine with the weekends.

I find that I just need to schedule a dinner night with a girlfriend here or there, and that helps. Just something different at least one night of the week, occasionally

And I definitely am someone who needs something to look forward to. I wish I could live more in the present, but I'm always looking ahead at what's next.

[Anonymous]

Have you read The Happiness Project? I found it helpful. In a way, these are the good years, and I wanted them to feel more that way.

[Anonymous]

Wow, most of the stuff people are suggesting to spice things up are exactly what I consider to be the monotony of parenthood - museum trip on sunday! date night once a week! The fact that this is all we get to do is exactly why this phase of life is so boring....

OP, if it is any consolation.... I remember before our kids were born that my husband and I were bored, in a rut, and felt listless most days. We had been together 12 years, had good jobs and friends, and liked where we lived, but wondered if this was all there was for the next 40 years. Like, waking up on weekends and working out or walking on the beach (we lived on the water back then) and going for brunch, and then we were home at 10:30am and like "okay what do we do with the next 10 hours until our evening plans?" Our listlessness was one of the reasons we decided to have kids. Now, for the last 5 years I have hated (maybe a strong word) waking up every day and having zero personal/fun/whatever time. But then my parents took my kids for a week this summer and by the second day I was super bored again and wondering if this was all there was.

Point being - I think life is somewhat monotonous!

[Anonymous]

Mindfulness.

Not straight up meditation. More like slowing way down at random times during the day and noticing the tiny and interesting details around you.

For example:

The kids (5 & 8) and I are really into noticing the daily changes in the trees and flowering plants in our neighborhood. It started this spring when we were sick to death of winter and eager for even the tiniest signs of spring. But then it took as life of its own. We're constantly noticing what's new and different around us, and it's oddly energizing.

Nature is pretty much the opposite of monotonous. It's constantly changing. And fascinating when you slow down and look closely.

As are kids, by the way. The overall routine Can get monotonous, but if you zoom in on a particular little detail, it can Be interesting in a whole different way. Just noticing how one of your kids moves his or her hands when talking. Or the tone of his or her voice. Or the feel of their hair. Kids are so stimulating in a sensory level. Often too much so if viewed as whole. But noticing one detail in a particular moment can be amazing.

Jon Kabot Zinn and his wife wrote a terrific book about Mindful Parenting. Worth a read if this at all interests you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, most of the stuff people are suggesting to spice things up are exactly what I consider to be the monotony of parenthood - museum trip on sunday! date night once a week! The fact that this is all we get to do is exactly why this phase of life is so boring....

OP, if it is any consolation.... I remember before our kids were born that my husband and I were bored, in a rut, and felt listless most days. We had been together 12 years, had good jobs and friends, and liked where we lived, but wondered if this was all there was for the next 40 years. Like, waking up on weekends and working out or walking on the beach (we lived on the water back then) and going for brunch, and then we were home at 10:30am and like "okay what do we do with the next 10 hours until our evening plans?" Our listlessness was one of the reasons we decided to have kids. Now, for the last 5 years I have hated (maybe a strong word) waking up every day and having zero personal/fun/whatever time. But then my parents took my kids for a week this summer and by the second day I was super bored again and wondering if this was all there was.

Point being - I think life is somewhat monotonous!

I disagree with this completely.

I can't say my life is any more fascinating or novel than most people's, but I seriously can't remember the last time I felt bored or even restless. There's always something interesting to do or read or see or think . . . Or someone interesting to talk to or meet etc. I think I could find something interesting or new pretty much anywhere, any time.

For example 12 years in, I still seem to notice new and interesting things about DH, even though he's completely familiar in a technical sense. People - and life - are always changing! And more complex and surprising than they sometimes seem at first glance.

But maybe this is more of a personality thing? Maybe some people need more obvious (and more overtly novel) stimulation to be happy? My family seems to be the opposite. Our kids seem to amuse themselves and each other pretty much anywhere. They're easy that way. It doesn't take much for them to create fun or something new. DH and I have always been that way, too. So maybe it's genetic (need for novelty/stimulation) or maybe it's environmental (modeling our attitudes and approach)? But no one seems to complain about being bored.

[Anonymous]

My life is like yours...work, kids, routines, so I relate. But I recently heard this radio story with a psychologist who studied how we expect and plan for the good things to come, but not the bad things...some kind of future bias we all have. But the bad things are coming, too. It was such a useful reminder to me that lots of tough times will be ahead, so I'm trying to recognize and relish that these are good times, where we are all healthy and not struggling.

[Anonymous]

We both work from home a lot, and have regular daytime sex as a result. Mixes up the day, gives us a chance to connect when the kids aren't around and we aren't exhausted (like at bed time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mindfulness.

Not straight up meditation. More like slowing way down at random times during the day and noticing the tiny and interesting details around you.

For example:

The kids (5 & 8) and I are really into noticing the daily changes in the trees and flowering plants in our neighborhood. It started this spring when we were sick to death of winter and eager for even the tiniest signs of spring. But then it took as life of its own. We're constantly noticing what's new and different around us, and it's oddly energizing.

Nature is pretty much the opposite of monotonous. It's constantly changing. And fascinating when you slow down and look closely.

As are kids, by the way. The overall routine Can get monotonous, but if you zoom in on a particular little detail, it can Be interesting in a whole different way. Just noticing how one of your kids moves his or her hands when talking. Or the tone of his or her voice. Or the feel of their hair. Kids are so stimulating in a sensory level. Often too much so if viewed as whole. But noticing one detail in a particular moment can be amazing.

Jon Kabot Zinn and his wife wrote a terrific book about Mindful Parenting. Worth a read if this at all interests you.

OP here. This completely interests me. Thank you. I'll check out that book.

[Anonymous]

I also agree with mindfulness. It's the journey, not the destination. Looking for something interesting or unique to note. Laughing as much as possible.

It's hard when kids are young and routine is so important. It's also hard when kids start school and sports - sometimes I have this panicky feeling that I'll never be able to travel spontaneously again. (or anything spontaneous!). Sometimes it's just breaking up the routine by saying to hell with it (bedtime, taco tuesday, homework after soccer) and just doing something out of the ordinary on an ordinary day.

And even though i hate we can only travel for a week in the summer or school holiday breaks or holiday weekends when there is no soccer, it is key to get out and do fun things those times - pushing out of usual. And as kids get older travel and new things become even more fun with them.

But there's a lot of real life to get through - there's a concept of seeing the divine in ordinary things - I can't think of the phraseology right now, but it's essentially mindfulness, gratefulness. It does help.