Getting my kids a cell phone to share---can't believe I'm doing this. Need advice.

[Anonymous]

Tracfone used to have a "double minute" phone. Perhaps someone could chime in to say it is still available because the minute cards were worth double. In my house, I like to own the phone (vs the kid's paying) because then you have the power to distribute the phone to whatever child needs it the most not to mention removing privileges if necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does an 8 or 9 year old NEED a phone?

In our house, they get 'em when they hit middle school. With email and texting, it is pretty hard to share a phone.

I'm poster 15:26. My 8 year old did not need a phone by my definition of need. However, both she and I wanted her to have it because it made life much more convenient for both of us.
- It was getting difficult to have my work schedule line up exactly with her school schedule, however having her stay home alone for between 25-45 minutes after school until I got home worked out almost perfectly. We did not have a landline phone at home, and I was not comfortable with her staying home alone with no means of contacting me, another approved adult, or emergency services if needed.

- She started wanting to walk a few blocks to the park by herself, wander around the mall alone while I was shopping for something "boring", or go to the little shopette on the corner and use her allowance to buy some little trinket or candy or whatever. While I know that we all did this with no safety net or means of immediate contact with an adult, given the somewhat altered expectations for child supervision these days I felt better sending her with a phone *just in case*, and I couldn't just give her mine to take because then I wouldn't have one for her to call. My instructions to her were basically "I know you're capable of handling most things on your own. If, however, something happens that you consider an emergency and don't know how to deal with, or if any busybody adults question why you're on your own, you can call me."

-About halfway through third grade we started doing loosely supervised trial runs of her using the city bus system on her own, and by fourth she was able to travel solo or with certain friends to pre-approved destinations requiring a bus trip. The phone allowed her to get text-based tracking of bus arrivals, use our data plan or the mobile app to navigate her way through any detours or delays, and occasionally use google maps (or, rarely, a text to me or her older sisters) to get herself un-lost. I also wouldn't have been comfortable allowing her this much freedom if I didn't know we had a way of keeping in touch just in case.

- Giving her an independent means of communication with family members scattered across the country, and especially with her older sister in college, was a particularly nice side benefit.

- On-the-go access (and ability to add her own stuff) to our family Google calendar and Google-based organization system was by no means essential but really quite convenient

By age 12, the phone had many more uses and I had greatly relaxed the restrictions placed on her internet access and data usage.

Okay, you're right - your 8 year old needed a phone. Sounds like she also needed a parent, but alas, that's a different thread.

[Anonymous]

19:05 - what exactly suggests to you that my child didn't have a parent, or as I suspect you meant to imply, was neglected?

-45 minutes home alone 3 days/week after very careful practice in 15-minute increments?
- a quick walk to the store (5 minute walk each way, gone less than 30 minutes) with a means of getting in touch immediately if she needed me?
- going a few stores down at the mall with an agreed meeting point at the pretzel place at a set time, again with that same means of contact?
- the fact that I specifically attempted to create scaffolded steps to confidence and independence for my anxiety-prone child?

And how exactly is any of the above that different from the sorts of things we did as kids? (Except the part where 8 year old me explored the entire town on my bike from right after breakfast until it started getting dark, with no phone to call home...)

I know you said "that's another thread", but after a comment like that I admit I'm curious. I've got a 4 year old I intend to raise quite similarly unless that seems to specifically not be something that would work for her, so if I was truly a horrible parent feel free to enlighten me so I can consider avoiding the same "mistakes" in the future...

[Anonymous]

^^^^

Sounds like you've got it all figured out. Don't take parenting advice from me.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you everyone for your insight and advice.

[Anonymous]

Poor unentitled babies! In DC? Sharing a phone? But, no seriously, unless you can't afford it buy each kid a phone, sharing will cause more trouble than paying for two cell phones on a cheap plan. Unless your kids are perfect angels, they will fight over the phone non stop an then one will talk with friends for hours, other will be mad, it is just too much hassle for you to handle. Your 12 year old will want a smart phone in a year if not sooner. I am not a smart phone pro person, I only got one last year, for real, but times are changing and we need to allow our kids to use the technology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does an 8 or 9 year old NEED a phone?

In our house, they get 'em when they hit middle school. With email and texting, it is pretty hard to share a phone.

I'm poster 15:26. My 8 year old did not need a phone by my definition of need. However, both she and I wanted her to have it because it made life much more convenient for both of us.
- It was getting difficult to have my work schedule line up exactly with her school schedule, however having her stay home alone for between 25-45 minutes after school until I got home worked out almost perfectly. We did not have a landline phone at home, and I was not comfortable with her staying home alone with no means of contacting me, another approved adult, or emergency services if needed.

- She started wanting to walk a few blocks to the park by herself, wander around the mall alone while I was shopping for something "boring", or go to the little shopette on the corner and use her allowance to buy some little trinket or candy or whatever. While I know that we all did this with no safety net or means of immediate contact with an adult, given the somewhat altered expectations for child supervision these days I felt better sending her with a phone *just in case*, and I couldn't just give her mine to take because then I wouldn't have one for her to call. My instructions to her were basically "I know you're capable of handling most things on your own. If, however, something happens that you consider an emergency and don't know how to deal with, or if any busybody adults question why you're on your own, you can call me."

-About halfway through third grade we started doing loosely supervised trial runs of her using the city bus system on her own, and by fourth she was able to travel solo or with certain friends to pre-approved destinations requiring a bus trip. The phone allowed her to get text-based tracking of bus arrivals, use our data plan or the mobile app to navigate her way through any detours or delays, and occasionally use google maps (or, rarely, a text to me or her older sisters) to get herself un-lost. I also wouldn't have been comfortable allowing her this much freedom if I didn't know we had a way of keeping in touch just in case.

- Giving her an independent means of communication with family members scattered across the country, and especially with her older sister in college, was a particularly nice side benefit.

- On-the-go access (and ability to add her own stuff) to our family Google calendar and Google-based organization system was by no means essential but really quite convenient

By age 12, the phone had many more uses and I had greatly relaxed the restrictions placed on her internet access and data usage.

Okay, you're right - your 8 year old needed a phone. Sounds like she also needed a parent, but alas, that's a different thread.

Interesting, I had the opposite reaction to this post. My first thought was, my 4th grader can't yet ride the bus and I should teach her. (She can and does do all the other things listed)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does an 8 or 9 year old NEED a phone?

In our house, they get 'em when they hit middle school. With email and texting, it is pretty hard to share a phone.

I'm poster 15:26. My 8 year old did not need a phone by my definition of need. However, both she and I wanted her to have it because it made life much more convenient for both of us.
- It was getting difficult to have my work schedule line up exactly with her school schedule, however having her stay home alone for between 25-45 minutes after school until I got home worked out almost perfectly. We did not have a landline phone at home, and I was not comfortable with her staying home alone with no means of contacting me, another approved adult, or emergency services if needed.

- She started wanting to walk a few blocks to the park by herself, wander around the mall alone while I was shopping for something "boring", or go to the little shopette on the corner and use her allowance to buy some little trinket or candy or whatever. While I know that we all did this with no safety net or means of immediate contact with an adult, given the somewhat altered expectations for child supervision these days I felt better sending her with a phone *just in case*, and I couldn't just give her mine to take because then I wouldn't have one for her to call. My instructions to her were basically "I know you're capable of handling most things on your own. If, however, something happens that you consider an emergency and don't know how to deal with, or if any busybody adults question why you're on your own, you can call me."

-About halfway through third grade we started doing loosely supervised trial runs of her using the city bus system on her own, and by fourth she was able to travel solo or with certain friends to pre-approved destinations requiring a bus trip. The phone allowed her to get text-based tracking of bus arrivals, use our data plan or the mobile app to navigate her way through any detours or delays, and occasionally use google maps (or, rarely, a text to me or her older sisters) to get herself un-lost. I also wouldn't have been comfortable allowing her this much freedom if I didn't know we had a way of keeping in touch just in case.

- Giving her an independent means of communication with family members scattered across the country, and especially with her older sister in college, was a particularly nice side benefit.

- On-the-go access (and ability to add her own stuff) to our family Google calendar and Google-based organization system was by no means essential but really quite convenient

By age 12, the phone had many more uses and I had greatly relaxed the restrictions placed on her internet access and data usage.

Okay, you're right - your 8 year old needed a phone. Sounds like she also needed a parent, but alas, that's a different thread.

Interesting, I had the opposite reaction to this post. My first thought was, my 4th grader can't yet ride the bus and I should teach her. (She can and does do all the other things listed)

I Agree - your daughter sounds awesome! Love it.

[Anonymous]

I have a tracfone.

HSN dot com has some good deals on tracfones. You can get a phone, a year of service, and 1,200 texts for $80. If the phone says it works on "CDMA' then that means it works on verizon. If the phone works on "GSM" then that means it either works on T-mobile or ATT.

Tracfone has horrible customer service, so if you decide to get a tracfone, my recommendation is to get it activated on line. Less frustrating. Once you get it up and running, you won't have to deal with their horrible customer service again for a year.

[Anonymous]

We added a non-smartphone phone to our family plan (shared minutes) and it was only about $10 per month more. Give me the piece of mind to hand it to whichever kid needs it that day. Might be worth a quick call to the provider to see if they have something similar. I said CHEAP to them, and no data but texting, so they share texting and minutes with the family plan and it's worked for us.

[Anonymous]

Get a T-Mobile Pre-paid phone. May cost $30-50 for the phone (flip phone), no data plan. then buy 1000 minutes, lasts 1 year. So after the cost of the phone, that is $8.34 a month!

I'm an adult and use this system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a T-Mobile Pre-paid phone. May cost $30-50 for the phone (flip phone), no data plan. then buy 1000 minutes, lasts 1 year. So after the cost of the phone, that is $8.34 a month!

I'm an adult and use this system.

Opps I meant to say 1000 minutes costs $100, which you pay at one time, it is not a monthly fee, but equals 8.34 a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We added a non-smartphone phone to our family plan (shared minutes) and it was only about $10 per month more. Give me the piece of mind to hand it to whichever kid needs it that day. Might be worth a quick call to the provider to see if they have something similar. I said CHEAP to them, and no data but texting, so they share texting and minutes with the family plan and it's worked for us.

What provider do you have? We asked our provider (verizon), and they said $35 extra per month.

[Anonymous]

DD (11) has had our old iPhone for about 2 years. She has a no data plan so she can't use the Internet pieces without wifi. Works fine for us. She has unlimited texting and we can track it with find my iPhone. She uses a driving service and texts us when they pick her up and drop her off. She walks to and from the school bus and texts is when she gets there and home. And sometimes she just texts me random emojis (because she's 11)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does an 8 or 9 year old NEED a phone?

In our house, they get 'em when they hit middle school. With email and texting, it is pretty hard to share a phone.

OP here. My 9 yr old needs a phone for MY sanity (right or wrong--I know there will be some on DCUM who will call my a helicopter mom). She has to cross a busy street after school to get to another building where I will meet her with my DS. It will only be 15-20 minutes, but I would like to know she made it into the building. My other child will use to to let me know where he is after his after school activity.

But if you're meeting of her in the other building, won't you know she made it since you'll be there?