The drama with grandma

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your mom possibly showing signs of early dementia? This is such an extreme reaction to a benign fashion choice...maybe something else is going on.

I agree. Her suddenly wanting nothing to do with her beloved grandson doesn't sound right. There is more to this.

Is it possible that your son and his grandma had words that you don't know about? Or like PP suggested, maybe this is a symptom of dementia?

[Anonymous]

Go talk some sense into your mom. Remind her that he is 16, getting awfully close to adulthood, and he may wel make some choices that it everybody likes. But not talking with him his silly--she has so much to lose if she breaks this bond.

Listen to her rattle on about her concerns, lose your cool if it takes that, and help your son. And tell her that you will count on her to be a compassionate adult after this incident.

(Note: My dad did something similar for me during my young adulthood.)

[Anonymous]

polite but distant

This is all you can expect. I'm guessing it will get better with time. She will be around him and feel more comfortable. She will get use to it and realize it doesn't matter too much. But for now he has done something scary (maybe too strong a word), or at least avant garde. She is entitled to like or dislike people for whatever reason - and that's not your business. She does have to be polite so I'm glad she's doing that.

[Anonymous]

Which ear was it?

[Anonymous]

So has grandma talked to grandson? How is she ignoring him, he went over to visit & she wouldn't open the door. Did he call & she hung up on him? Your son needs to talk to his grandmother, then you talk to him, and he can decide if the earning is more important than the relationship with his grandmother.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks, all. I'll talk to her and see what the matter is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My grandmother was a bit like this: wonderful but also old school and capable of nursing massive grudges. She called me a derivative of my actual name throughout my entire life because she thought the name my parents gave me was the wrong ethnicity (French, can you imagine!) She freaked out on my brother for choosing a non-Catholic college and once refused to speak to me for several weeks because I was doing a study abroad program in a very far away and very foreign country. She got over both of these transgressions; I still have the letter she wrote to me while I was away as a non-apology apology.

I remember being upset about it at the time, but honestly given how silly it all was it was somewhat easy to put into context and understand even as a teenager/young adult. Talk to your son, explain your mother's point of view, and let the whole issue simmer down some. She'll move on. Someday you'll look back on this and laugh.

Those aren't transgressions. They're living your lives as you see fit.

[Anonymous]

She's doing the equivalent of the toddler hold-your-breath-until-you're-blue temper tantrum.

[Anonymous]

I would not indulge her behavior, nor would I encourage my son to beg for her approval. Your first priority is to protect your child, even if it is from his grandmother. She sounds like a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your mom possibly showing signs of early dementia? This is such an extreme reaction to a benign fashion choice...maybe something else is going on.

I agree. Her suddenly wanting nothing to do with her beloved grandson doesn't sound right. There is more to this.

Is it possible that your son and his grandma had words that you don't know about? Or like PP suggested, maybe this is a symptom of dementia?

Believe it or not, there are actually people who behave this way. My mom does the same thing. All love is conditional to them. They think it's okay to bully someone into doing what they want. It's a good lesson for OP's ds on how not to treat people he cares about.

[Anonymous]

If you knew this would upset your mother so much, why did you let your son pierce his ear at age 16? He could have waited until he was 18 when you no longer were responsible for him.

[Anonymous]

Your mother is in America. Here, many boys get their ears pierced. If she wants to ruin a beautiful relationship with her grandson, that's her decision. But she should be aware that it's TOTALLY on her that she's choosing to do this.

[Anonymous]

and see what the matter is

Op, you DON'T know that the matter is? Show respect that you have a clue.

[Anonymous]

To OP - does your son know it s because of the earring? He may choose to take it out.

[Anonymous]

My mother had a fit when my brother came home from college with a pierced ear. She told him he wasn't getting tuition money until it was gone. OP's kid is getting off easy.