Start of School PTSD

[Anonymous]

I feel terrible reading these comments as I am a teacher. What are you worried about?

[Anonymous]

NP. Calls from school about behavioral issues - and you learn that no one is using the behavioral supports in the IEP.

Tears over bullying or social exclusion.

Teachers who are never told over a students 504 or IEP - or didn't read it.

School staff who tells you that they don't think your child really has a disability because they seem normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Calls from school about behavioral issues - and you learn that no one is using the behavioral supports in the IEP.

Tears over bullying or social exclusion.

Teachers who are never told over a students 504 or IEP - or didn't read it.

School staff who tells you that they don't think your child really has a disability because they seem normal.

NP. All of this. And possibly staff saying DC is not a good fit/needs more than they can provide. (It's a new school for us too this year.) And it's middle school.

[Anonymous]

I want to +1 this entire thread.

[Anonymous]

Just want to give a quick word of comfort....just had dinner with an older friend. 10-20 years ago she was where we are now, dreading those calls from the school and trying to figure out whether/how to complain when they ignored the IEP. Her son is now grown with a good job and fabulous girlfriend and could not be a nicer guy. He gave her some serious sleepless nights, and she was laughing with me when I told her stories from my more recent troubles, saying "I remember that!"

I like the Jaws theme idea. That way I can interrupt my work meetings and say "I'm sorry, I need to take this one. My kid may be at risk of a shark attack."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Calls from school about behavioral issues - and you learn that no one is using the behavioral supports in the IEP.

Tears over bullying or social exclusion.

Teachers who are never told over a students 504 or IEP - or didn't read it.

School staff who tells you that they don't think your child really has a disability because they seem normal.

Exactly. 100 percent. And since we're starting a new school this year, I'll add: school officials who don't seem to have any urgency about establishing an IEP or supports for your SN child until well after school begins. Well-meaning but clueless school official: "well they'll monitor him until we can schedule the meeting." Me: "what does that mean?" WMBCSO: "um, I don't really know. <awkward laugh>" (My inside voice: "that better not be code for 'we'll monitor him enough to tell you at the meeting that he doesn't need the IEP supports you're requesting despite his eval and all previous documentation.')

[Anonymous]

My dd has extreme social anxiety and I'm worried that her refusal to talk at school will make them think she is more disabled than she is. That usually leads to them ignoring her, b/c she doesn't have behavior issues, she's just very quiet, which means she also doesn't get the supports she needs. Just writing this out makes me nervous! I'm also worried she's going to meltdown in front of everyone during line-up and refuse to go inside. And social exclusion and her just really, really missing her old school

[Anonymous]

We're starting a new school and I'm terrified. Scared that she won't make any friends (mean girl stuff has already started, I'm sure) and scared that she'll be overwhelmed by the bigger class sizes. Like a pp said, the school is in no rush to finalize her services and so I'm worried that starting with no support will just turn her off from the new school.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to post that I saw a friend that is a Special Ed teacher and she is so excited for the school year to begin. She is really eager to meet her students and start figuring out how she can be the best resource for them. The PP talking about her non-verbal child made me think of it, because she mentioned that she knows she will have at least a couple non-verbal children, and is very anxious to make sure she correctly assesses and addresses their needs. She's working double-time with her remaining "free" weeks to come up with materials that will assist all her kids, including the non-verbal ones.

It was so wonderful to hear how much she cares, and how much effort and thought she is already putting into the kids that will be in her class this year. And I'm sure she's not the only teacher that is doing this.

So, have hope -- maybe your child will be in her class!

[Anonymous]

"NP. Calls from school about behavioral issues - and you learn that no one is using the behavioral supports in the IEP.

Tears over bullying or social exclusion.

Teachers who are never told over a students 504 or IEP - or didn't read it.

School staff who tells you that they don't think your child really has a disability because they seem normal."

OP here. To the teacher who asks what I'm worried about, this, exactly. Last year the wrong (outdated) 540 plan was given the to teachers (not that they attempted to follow it, anyway). And notwithstanding the 2 inches of medical reports that we've provided to the school over the past few years, we've been told that DC's issues are because of "bad attitude" and "parenting." Yeah, F you.

[Anonymous]

Teacher back here. So sorry to hear of these experiences. I went into school on my own time with a new colleague to go over IEPs and plan, today. We are excited to help the kids. I would advise you to be the squeaky wheel on your kid's behalf and document every interaction, with audiotape, if needed. Recap every conversation in an email with a summary to make a paper trail. Ask the teachers why the social problems are occurring and how to help. I see red when bullying comes up, and won't allow it, but maybe you can help somehow. I know it is hard for parents and I am sorry.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the teacher perspective.

I have the same worries and have heard from some teachers that the IEP paperwork doesn't always get to them before school starts.

Would it be helpful for parents to provide a friendly introductory note and cliff notes version is situation/ strategies commonly used to support their child?

I always wonder if this is overreaching, but I would want to be prepared. One teacher told me she prefers to not be biased by previous difficulties a child has had so she doesn't read those files until,after the beginning of school.

What are your thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the teacher perspective.

I have the same worries and have heard from some teachers that the IEP paperwork doesn't always get to them before school starts.

Would it be helpful for parents to provide a friendly introductory note and cliff notes version is situation/ strategies commonly used to support their child?

I always wonder if this is overreaching, but I would want to be prepared. One teacher told me she prefers to not be biased by previous difficulties a child has had so she doesn't read those files until,after the beginning of school.

What are your thoughts?

In 15 years of coteaching/inclusion with MCPS, I have never received an IEP or 504 plan before school starts. In fact, since class lists are usually being revised as late as 7 am on the first day of school, I can't even look them up myself. Usually on Day 2 or 3, the counselor's will email a list of students with 504s and the RTSE will email a list of students with IEPs. We're asked to use myMCPS to view accommodations and to please not print. So I don't even have a quick way to scan for what your child needs. It's frustrating! I am so grateful to parents who email me on the first day to give a heads up about their child's SN.

As for non-verbal or selectively mute students, I was terrified before my first experience, but we quickly figured out how to handle the basics and keep learning. It was one of the most rewarding years I've had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes- we're not in DC anymore. DS9 started school today. No one is very happy about it.
I'm putting on some optimism and hoping some of these therapies might result in friendships and fewer homework battles.
It was painful at a back-to-school social event last week to realize that his male classmates had been hanging together in the summer and didn't include DS.
There is no point worrying- what will happen, will happen. Better to put energy toward advocating for effective accommodations. I say that, but of course, we can't help worrying.

Social exclusion of your kid is one of those painful things that you never can get used to . Hope school goes well for him.

I agree that this is painful, but I'm wondering if 1) all the boys hung out together at the same time all summer, which would be exclusionary or 2) kids frequently hung out with their friends in small groups --in which case there was no conscious effort to exclude your son. My DD really just played with two or three school friends this summer. When she asked for a play date, I didn't sit down with a class list and check off who we'd hung with already or how many times to make sure no one would feel left out in September. If I'd organized a big event, I would have made sure everyone got an invite.

My child has anxiety (not primarily social) and dreads large groups and new people. We spent a lot of summer evenings playing at local parks so she could practice introducing herself to new children. She didn't make any new best friends, but she wasn't lonely and I saw an improvement in her social skills. She hasn't struggled to make at-school friendships, but I think that she's ready now to expand beyond the 2-3 classmates that she currently will ask to see outside of school.

pp here- it was probably the smaller group thing. I want DS to have friends too, but we understand that kids choosing friends at these older elementary ages is not necessarily exclusive. We also make other opportunities with special interest camps, but it's hard to send my DS off to school when he doesn't really feel like a member of the school community with friendships and a "group" like the other kids.

Would it be possible for his school to host a lunchtime or after school club for a special interest he has. It's a great way to build a social circle. I hosted Lego Club and Maker Space at my school. It came with a small stipend that I used to pay for aftercare for my own DD, but there are probably some teachers who would do it for free or in exchange for freedom from cafeteria duty.

[Anonymous]

"I am so grateful to parents who email me on the first day to give a heads up about their child's SN."

OP here. I've always done this. Every. Single. Year. In a very polite way. And I've also spoken to most of the specials teachers. And try to speak to any other new staff who may be need to know. 80% of the time I don't feel like they care. Every once in a while someone gets it. That's why I feel so done this year.