Is it too much to ask for MIL and In Laws that like you?

[Anonymous]

I am Asian and my DH is white. I don't think my MIL likes me - I don't think it's racial; just that I am very different from her and I do things differently. We are civil and cordial and I am 100% ok with it. I actually am glad she doesn't push for a closer relationship, I like our nuclear family to have a lot of space. We see her about twice a year for a week each time. I used to dread these visits, but now that we have kids and I see how much my MIL loves my kids and they love her, I welcome the visits more. Still plan on keeping the relationship civil and cordial only though.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, considering that you're Asian and he's white, it could be that your fiance's parents like you just fine and that they believe, by their standards, that they are being warm and welcoming. They just have more reserve and more boundaries with family than you may be used to with your cultural heritage.

If your heritage is one where DILs, especially, are taken into their husband's family as their own, you'll probably find your in-laws distant by comparison.

My sister-in-law (Asian), married a white man, and she finds his family very reserved, and thinks they don't like her. I think they do, and they're treating her with the utmost respect and observing boundaries she doesn't even know exist in family.

I'm a white American, and my Asian in-laws have never accepted me, even after kids and almost 20 years living nearby. The ones who let down their guard have described the ways they have a lot of prejudice against non-Asian people. I've been unfailingly nice and pleasant, and I've smilingly put up with a lot of crap, but I have come to accept how things are.

Like another poster, my MIL is a terror, and she believes I've stolen her oldest son and turned him against her.

[Anonymous]

I'm white and my husband is Asian. My in laws hate me and I usually get along with everyone as well. It has never gotten better. Only worse. I want to divorce now after 10 years. Just tired of it all. Really tired of it all.

I was young and didn't understand how important extended family is or that things would change with a ring. Nope.

[Anonymous]

I am white and my husband is white. My in laws are not especially warm to me, just cordial and polite like yours. They are nice, and I consider myself nice but we are just very different people. Religion is the center of their lives, and I am an athiest. They will definitely be pleasant and ask about work, how my parents are doing, how the kids are doing at school, but it never goes to a deeper level, and if we had to spend tons of time alone together, there is no chance they would resist getting into a debate about religion. That's ok, though, I don't think you are really entitled to more than cordial and polite.