Life after getting out of a verbally abusive relationship ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he doesn't realize what he is doing. Get some counseling before it is too late.

Do not get counseling with him. He can get counseling independently, and so can you. NOT TOGETHER. Couples counseling is not advised in situations of abuse because it provides the abuser tools with which to further abuse the victim, all while saying they are trying to fix things. Please seek counseling for YOU op, I did when I was leaving/after I left and it was extremely helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he doesn't realize what he is doing. Get some counseling before it is too late.

Do not get counseling with him. He can get counseling independently, and so can you. NOT TOGETHER. Couples counseling is not advised in situations of abuse because it provides the abuser tools with which to further abuse the victim, all while saying they are trying to fix things. Please seek counseling for YOU op, I did when I was leaving/after I left and it was extremely helpful.

I am PP who posted about womanslaw.org site. I agree with this advice 1000%. First, my XH was completely dishonest and presented himself as very loving and caring in front of therapist. Second, he manipulated her and the situation with lies. And finally this all cost money (babysitting and therapist dollars) and time in which the abuse continued. I wish I had used that money to help squirrel away a larger nest egg for when my DS and I ended up having to make it on our own.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can do it. You are strong, but his abuse has made you think you are not. If you are at the point that you're considering leaving, you are in a really good place to start.

The fact that you haven't had sex in that long is a red flag of an affair. I was in the exact same position as you, and I am now separated. I discovered one of his many affairs and that was the last straw. I made a plan and three days later I left.

YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU ARE STRONG. Don't ever doubt yourself. Put an end to his mind games.

[Anonymous]

It's not surprising it started when you were pregnant. Abusers let their inner self show the more they feel you are trapped with them.

Afterwards is tough. It's been hard for me to trust men or get close to them, but I have other stuff going on too. I don't feel unfulfilled.

[Anonymous]

You need to start by setting up a few appointments with divorce attorneys - just to hear their ideas as to what you should do. Remember to always pay with cash so DH won't know and become more. Violent.