Third trimester and can't stop fighting with DH about money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would question why a double payment was made on the mortgage. The way online banking works, you set up an automatic payment, and unless you modify it or add one, it doesn't double.

You need to sit with him and have him show you what online banking looks like.

I have never understood why couples can't sit down at the kitchen table on the weekend, laptop in hand, bills in hand, checkbook (if you are old school) in hand, and discuss everything from the week.

Yeah that part about double mortgage payment is weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would question why a double payment was made on the mortgage. The way online banking works, you set up an automatic payment, and unless you modify it or add one, it doesn't double.

You need to sit with him and have him show you what online banking looks like.

I have never understood why couples can't sit down at the kitchen table on the weekend, laptop in hand, bills in hand, checkbook (if you are old school) in hand, and discuss everything from the week.

Yeah that part about double mortgage payment is weird.

My guess is he sent in a check and the automatic payments started earlier than he expected so they cashed the check and took the automatic payment. On the bright side, you've paid down a little extra principal.

[Anonymous]

Mostly because the second payment would have been applied automatically to the following month. Meaning they would not have needed to pay the mortgage the next month. I'm not sure how that became a permanent hole.

[Anonymous]

Finances can be so hard. I'm sure your hormones are threw the roof too with being so close to having your little one. I can feel your frustration just by reading your words. I'm so sorry you are having a hard time right now. I wish I could give you a big hug. I feel the same way about the emergency fund as you do. My husband and I are on the same page now because we decided to take a Dave Ramsey's financial peace class that our church offered. Have you looked into his material yet?

[Anonymous]

I've double paid the mortgage through an online banking automatic payments snafu. Basically, our monthly PITI was adjusted and I forgot to cancel the previous auto amount when I scheduled the new payment. That month sucked! Lots of cheap dinners and counting every penny (through Mint, which is the most helpful budgeting tool for me). So, not to hijack, but it's not as absurd a mistake as one might think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would question why a double payment was made on the mortgage. The way online banking works, you set up an automatic payment, and unless you modify it or add one, it doesn't double.

You need to sit with him and have him show you what online banking looks like.

I have never understood why couples can't sit down at the kitchen table on the weekend, laptop in hand, bills in hand, checkbook (if you are old school) in hand, and discuss everything from the week.

Yeah that part about double mortgage payment is weird.

My guess is he sent in a check and the automatic payments started earlier than he expected so they cashed the check and took the automatic payment. On the bright side, you've paid down a little extra principal.

Op here- yes, that's what happened. It happened to us once at our old house, too. I'm surprised that people are surprised by this! Dumb, yes, but not ridiculously unheard of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would question why a double payment was made on the mortgage. The way online banking works, you set up an automatic payment, and unless you modify it or add one, it doesn't double.

You need to sit with him and have him show you what online banking looks like.

I have never understood why couples can't sit down at the kitchen table on the weekend, laptop in hand, bills in hand, checkbook (if you are old school) in hand, and discuss everything from the week.

Yeah that part about double mortgage payment is weird.

My guess is he sent in a check and the automatic payments started earlier than he expected so they cashed the check and took the automatic payment. On the bright side, you've paid down a little extra principal.

Op here- yes, that's what happened. It happened to us once at our old house, too. I'm surprised that people are surprised by this! Dumb, yes, but not ridiculously unheard of.

That is just plain stupid and here's why. If you were using a program like Quicken, you would know that a check was written, and you would know when an automatic payment is coming out. The bank doesn't modify an automatic payment, the customer dictates the payment and when it is made.

I swear, people really need to use a money management program of some sort and not rely on online banking statements for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. You guys are close to being on the same page, you're just off a bit on the mechanics. Dave would have you start with $1000 in emergency savings, so you have a little cash cushion. And Dave is big on the husband and wife being a team thing.

How much is left on the student loans?

Except Dave Ramsey says you need to hoard cash when a baby is on the way and stop paying debt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. You guys are close to being on the same page, you're just off a bit on the mechanics. Dave would have you start with $1000 in emergency savings, so you have a little cash cushion. And Dave is big on the husband and wife being a team thing.

How much is left on the student loans?

Except Dave Ramsey says you need to hoard cash when a baby is on the way and stop paying debt

Does he? What's the reasoning?
Student loans 30,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University. You guys are close to being on the same page, you're just off a bit on the mechanics. Dave would have you start with $1000 in emergency savings, so you have a little cash cushion. And Dave is big on the husband and wife being a team thing.

How much is left on the student loans?

Except Dave Ramsey says you need to hoard cash when a baby is on the way and stop paying debt

Does he? What's the reasoning?
Student loans 30,000

Dunno but babies are expensive in the first year. Strollers, furniture, swing, bottles and all the accessories, diapers, clothes, formula. I imagine Ramsey would want you paying cash for that and not using credit cards.

[Anonymous]

Being so pregnant as well as caring for two children under five can be a very emotional situation.

You have hormones out of whack, daily physical & mental stress which all can weigh heavily on already anxious person.
Were you a worry-wart before?

I totally get that fear, and acknowledge it can be quite crippling to face.

But remember:
You + your husband are in this situation TOGETHER.
Trust that your husband knows what he's doing (sounds like he does!) and concentrate your attention to other things.

Perhaps begin doing some minor nesting in getting prepared to welcome your upcoming new bundle of joy.
Organize a closet, a pantry, a photo album....Anything to divert your anxiety and distract you.

Your husband is your rock now.
Lean on him to manage the money while you remind yourself that he is your protector & has only the family's best interest at heart.

[Anonymous]

Are you saying one extra mortgage payment means you cannot pay a babysitter? In my opinion, you are cutting it WAY too close! What would happen if you had some unexpected house or car maintenance? I am not a believer in one person handling all bills. I realize you are pregnant, but please get involved in your financial life. And, you never considered having some extra cash on hand?

[Anonymous]

You can call your credit card company and change the billing date btw. We did that to time it to my paycheck since I get paid biweekly so that I get paid and the card is always due a week after. Helps the cash flow.
But I agree with the poster above that if an additional mortgage payment sends you into such trouble you guys need to reassess your cash flow and emergency funds. An extra Piti is what $3k? You should have that much in a savings account linked to your checking account for any emergencies like the roof, have, plumbing etc.

[Anonymous]

How about the Fed Govt who gives my husband a travel credit card they insist he use, but then it takes months to get reimbursed for the traavel? Meanwhile we are expected to use our OWN money to pay for this travel ! Some people have gone to Japan and owe thousands on their cards. Yet the travel office routinely takes 12 weeks or more to reimburse ! I refuse to pay until we get the check.

[Anonymous]

I'm a poor with two children and no more on the way, and I have an emergency fund and a cash fund. How can you not?

Three hundred in the house, cash. Whatever makes you comfortable, liquid in the bank and available via ATM.

He should allow for this with ease. It's something that will make you feel safe, and with the additional payment in place, readily available.

When he bullies with talk about "being on board" about paying down debt, hit back with feeling safe. Canceling sitters? No. It's unnecessary in your circumstance and incredibly disruptive.

I will say, I've found that men go through their own version of nesting when a baby is due. Maybe this is where he is right now?

Best of luck to you. You really don't need this kind of stress. Tears? Honey, no.