Is this secretive behavior or no big deal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so DH had a 10 year relationship before we met 3 years ago. I don't really know much about it but she was very well received by his family (I just know this bc his sister and her will occasionally get together and I see this on Facebook) and it didn't seem to be a dramatic break up. Anyway she emailed DH a few weeks ago about a storage unit they had. She said that her new place is big enough now and she doesn't really need the storage so does he want to take it over or get rid of it. I had never realized he was splitting a monthly fee with this woman! I guess every decemeber he just sent her 50 percent of the yearly fee. I feel a little betrayed and like its an odd thing to never mention. That said I went with him to the unit to clean it out and it really had nothing secretive or offense or anything worth hiding. Skies, lamps, old car parts, a collection of soccer jerseys, like honestly nothing great. He said he was just delaying cleaning it out and it meant nothing. Im inclined to believe him but its so odd it never once came up!! What do you think?

This is so similar to my brother that I almost believe you are my SIL. The details are uncanny. Anyway, unless there are other issues going on, and you feel you have a healthy relationship in general, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Likely just an oversight. Laziness. All that.

If you are my SIL, then your marriage is fraught with constant drama and occasionally violence. Then, you should know he sticks around, even when miserable, until he finds a new sure thing and then leaves.

[Anonymous]

If this is the first real sign of secretive behavior in 3 years, I'd let it go. Although, it is strange that he married you, and you are presumably comingling money with him, and he didn't mention that he's spending your presumably joint money on this.

If he has other secret behaviors like never lets you look at his phone or computer but always wants to see yours, then you have a problem on your hands.

[Anonymous]

I would be a bit miffed as to why he never mentioned this to you.

I mean sure, it is likely he has been over her for a long time plus there wasn't anything obscure about the contents, etc.

But on principle ONLY he should have at the very least mentioned this to you.
The fact that he never did would make me wonder just how straightforward + forthcoming he is as a person.

To me, this would be a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok so DH had a 10 year relationship before we met 3 years ago. I don't really know much about it but she was very well received by his family (I just know this bc his sister and her will occasionally get together and I see this on Facebook) and it didn't seem to be a dramatic break up. Anyway she emailed DH a few weeks ago about a storage unit they had. She said that her new place is big enough now and she doesn't really need the storage so does he want to take it over or get rid of it. I had never realized he was splitting a monthly fee with this woman! I guess every decemeber he just sent her 50 percent of the yearly fee. I feel a little betrayed and like its an odd thing to never mention. That said I went with him to the unit to clean it out and it really had nothing secretive or offense or anything worth hiding. Skies, lamps, old car parts, a collection of soccer jerseys, like honestly nothing great. He said he was just delaying cleaning it out and it meant nothing. Im inclined to believe him but its so odd it never once came up!! What do you think?

This is so similar to my brother that I almost believe you are my SIL. The details are uncanny. Anyway, unless there are other issues going on, and you feel you have a healthy relationship in general, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Likely just an oversight. Laziness. All that.

If you are my SIL, then your marriage is fraught with constant drama and occasionally violence. Then, you should know he sticks around, even when miserable, until he finds a new sure thing and then leaves.

[Anonymous]

Nbd

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok so DH had a 10 year relationship before we met 3 years ago. I don't really know much about it but she was very well received by his family (I just know this bc his sister and her will occasionally get together and I see this on Facebook) and it didn't seem to be a dramatic break up. Anyway she emailed DH a few weeks ago about a storage unit they had. She said that her new place is big enough now and she doesn't really need the storage so does he want to take it over or get rid of it. I had never realized he was splitting a monthly fee with this woman! I guess every decemeber he just sent her 50 percent of the yearly fee. I feel a little betrayed and like its an odd thing to never mention. That said I went with him to the unit to clean it out and it really had nothing secretive or offense or anything worth hiding. Skies, lamps, old car parts, a collection of soccer jerseys, like honestly nothing great. He said he was just delaying cleaning it out and it meant nothing. Im inclined to believe him but its so odd it never once came up!! What do you think?

This is so similar to my brother that I almost believe you are my SIL. The details are uncanny. Anyway, unless there are other issues going on, and you feel you have a healthy relationship in general, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Likely just an oversight. Laziness. All that.

If you are my SIL, then your marriage is fraught with constant drama and occasionally violence. Then, you should know he sticks around, even when miserable, until he finds a new sure thing and then leaves.

Yep. Only a drama queen would complain about such a nonissue.

If you want to stay married, OP, please get yourself a very good therapist. You owe it to your children. Think about it.

[Anonymous]

Divorce! He most likely has a few more storage units with other women.

[Anonymous]

OP does he share a storage unit with you? If not this is very serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so DH had a 10 year relationship before we met 3 years ago. I don't really know much about it but she was very well received by his family (I just know this bc his sister and her will occasionally get together and I see this on Facebook) and it didn't seem to be a dramatic break up. Anyway she emailed DH a few weeks ago about a storage unit they had. She said that her new place is big enough now and she doesn't really need the storage so does he want to take it over or get rid of it. I had never realized he was splitting a monthly fee with this woman! I guess every decemeber he just sent her 50 percent of the yearly fee. I feel a little betrayed and like its an odd thing to never mention. That said I went with him to the unit to clean it out and it really had nothing secretive or offense or anything worth hiding. Skies, lamps, old car parts, a collection of soccer jerseys, like honestly nothing great. He said he was just delaying cleaning it out and it meant nothing. Im inclined to believe him but its so odd it never once came up!! What do you think?

I would just file this away in the back of my mind, but wouldn't say anything.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone else that this is no big deal, but I did want to validate your feelings. I would also feel weird that he had never mentioned it. I get why you're feeling what you're feeling. But at the end of the day, it's just something that he most likely never thought about it, with the possibility of paying a bill once a year, and now it's done.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he was just lazy about cleaning it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How can you people say its no big deal? He committed financial infidelity! To took money from the marital funds. Its a very big deal! What else is he hiding?

Oh Jesus, really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you people say its no big deal? He committed financial infidelity! To took money from the marital funds. Its a very big deal! What else is he hiding?

Oh Jesus, really?

Does he travel a lot? I bet he does this all over the place.