Holiday Meal and dishes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of families have people pitch in to do dishes. If it's your MIL's house, I think she can make it happen on the spot. At the appropriate time, she can "invite" SIL and niece into the kitchen to "help" HER with the dishes. Then she can direct them on what needs doing and keep them company--keeping it friendly and festive.

Because dishes are women's work. Got it. Let's just keep perpetuating that B.S.

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you involving yourself in this. You are the "in-law."

This is MIL's house. This is MIL's own daughter and her family. You are one step removed from this drama, so don't insert yourself.

Bring the dishes you told your hostess, MIL, that you were going to bring. (And by the way, I certainly hope your husband is cooking, too. What with this being his family and all.)

Then, after dinner, go relax. Literally just go sit down on a couch with a magazine. If MIL wants to clean up by herself rather than grow up and ask her own daughter for help, let her knock herself out. If SIL wants to sit around piles of dirty dishes and be rude and not lift a finger to help, whatever.

IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE; IT'S NOT YOUR DIRECT FAMILY; IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Help by bringing some yummy food, enjoy it, then take a seat. DH can get involved if he wants to.

[Anonymous]

It is August....seriously, August. Can we put a moratorium on Thansgiving drama until, say, October?

[Anonymous]

I married into a very big family where everybody pitches in to both help cook and do the clean up. However one branch of the family does not help with either. The rest of us have slowly figured out that if we do not get up to do the dishes then that group will do it. So now we all busy ourselves with other "tasks". I like to go for a walk

Talk to your MIL and suggest that after the meal she say something along the lines "since Clark and Ellen did all of the cooking it would be so nice if Aunt Edna and Uncle Eddie could take charge of the dishes!

[Anonymous]

This would be a good topic for Hax's Hootenany.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you involving yourself in this. You are the "in-law."

This is MIL's house. This is MIL's own daughter and her family. You are one step removed from this drama, so don't insert yourself.

Bring the dishes you told your hostess, MIL, that you were going to bring. (And by the way, I certainly hope your husband is cooking, too. What with this being his family and all.)

Then, after dinner, go relax. Literally just go sit down on a couch with a magazine. If MIL wants to clean up by herself rather than grow up and ask her own daughter for help, let her knock herself out. If SIL wants to sit around piles of dirty dishes and be rude and not lift a finger to help, whatever.

IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE; IT'S NOT YOUR DIRECT FAMILY; IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Help by bringing some yummy food, enjoy it, then take a seat. DH can get involved if he wants to.

YES!

[Anonymous]

If you're looking for cleanup help, just pass out little slips of paper with the various jobs you need done. Clear salad course, clear main course, clear dessert. Assign enough people to each one so that the dishes get scraped, loaded and washed. My mom has hidden them under plates or had everyone pick out of a bowl. You can trade with someone, but can't buy your way out entirely. Obviously the host/main cooks are up with every course anyway.

[Anonymous]

You are making this all your problem, why?

You are not the hostess.
You are not the daughter of the hostess.

Bring some food and enjoy it. That was your contribution. You don't need to worry about the rest.

[Anonymous]

The controversy is about doing dishes, vs. bringing food. The SIL, niece, fiance are all local. We are happy to do all the cooking (for my MIL, because she is so lovely), but would like other adults who are not in their 80's to help with dishes at my MIL's house.

I don't want to see fiance and others going to living room and watching football while we then do all the dishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The controversy is about doing dishes, vs. bringing food. The SIL, niece, fiance are all local. We are happy to do all the cooking (for my MIL, because she is so lovely), but would like other adults who are not in their 80's to help with dishes at my MIL's house.

I don't want to see fiance and others going to living room and watching football while we then do all the dishes.

So open your mouth and ASK THEM FOR SOME HELP WITH THE DISHES.

Life is not hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The controversy is about doing dishes, vs. bringing food. The SIL, niece, fiance are all local. We are happy to do all the cooking (for my MIL, because she is so lovely), but would like other adults who are not in their 80's to help with dishes at my MIL's house.

I don't want to see fiance and others going to living room and watching football while we then do all the dishes.

I'm not sure why you are inviting them to thanksgiving dinner when you obviously don't like them.

I see that they have created a reputation for laziness, although it's not clear you ever asked them to help.

If they are close enough to do dishes at Thanksgiving meal, they are close enough for you to say, as the meal is ending, hey so-and-so and so-and-so, would you mind [rinsing and loading dishwasher]? So -and-so? Could you wrap the leftovers, here is the tupperware, etc. If they are not close enough for you to just ask, then treat them like true guests and don't expect help, just like any other guests. Alternatively, paper plates or a restaurant.

And you do know it's August, right? Talk about being prepared!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The controversy is about doing dishes, vs. bringing food. The SIL, niece, fiance are all local. We are happy to do all the cooking (for my MIL, because she is so lovely), but would like other adults who are not in their 80's to help with dishes at my MIL's house.

I don't want to see fiance and others going to living room and watching football while we then do all the dishes.

So open your mouth and ASK THEM FOR SOME HELP WITH THE DISHES.

Life is not hard.

Yes. At the end of the meal say "I think anyone under the age of 80 should help clean up before we head to watch the game." Get up, clear your plate, put it in the dishwasher, and then excuse yourself to the bathroom for a REALLY LONG TIME. Also, buy some paper plates and serve things in the pots they were cooked in. It's not fancy, but it'll cut down on dishes.

I love people who are already worried about the holidays in August. In my family we normally have our plans set by Labor Day, so this is my bread and butter. My DH's family will think about Tday sometime in mid-November.

[Anonymous]

If my MIL tried to act like the hostess in *my house* the way OP is trying to act like the hostess in MIL's house, I would be pissed.

It's HER daughter/family, OP. Stay out of it and let her manage it, OR NOT! If she chooses not to ask for their help, that's her choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is August....seriously, August. Can we put a moratorium on Thansgiving drama until, say, October?

Yes! Thank you! Seriously, let's get through Labor Day first.

[Anonymous]

I really used to like Thanksgiving. We now go to my MIL's and it is always terrible. My SIL is really selfish and her son is rude. I would LOVE if my MIL would turn around and ask me to do the cooking! She thinks she is a wonderful cook but really everything she makes is overcooked and not very good. The main problem is that she makes about 10 side dishes and gets overwhelmed. I vote for you to call these family members up and give assignments. It may seem awkward at the time but it will put everyone on an level playing field and everyone will feel included in the meal.