Why are some parents not close/ connected to their children ?

[Anonymous]

I could definitely see my father behaving that way had my mother passed away when I was young. He always thought it was my mother's job to maintain relationships with everyone else in the family for him (including us kids), he only had to maintain relationships with his buddies at the club. He didn't really start participating or showing he cared about any of his kids until we were all in high school or older, because my mother went back to work and started pushing him to get his crap together and be a dad. Had she not forced him to step up, I doubt we'd have much of a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother had me because that's what you did after you got married. I've now not spoken to her for almost half my life. I recently read a book where the epilogue said of two characters "Their baby was born, but parenting wasn't for them so the nannies did it, and they visited their child in the nursery once a day, if they weren't traveling." And it reminded me of my mother.

Right now my oldest is only 4, but I can't really envision being close with her when she's an adult. My husband is close with his parents so hopefully he'll lead the way.

That's strange to me that you can't envision being close when she's older? This is op. I wonder why that is?

Because she isn't close to her own parents? Not a stretch.

Op here: I'm surirised because I don't feel the same way.

OP I'm not the PP but my understanding is she can't envision it because she has no point of reference for what a healthy relationship would be. From her post she seems to want to be close to her child. Hence the comment that maybe her husband will be able to help with that in the future.

I can relate because my parents were very neglectful when I was growing up. It's not enough just to say that I won't do the things that they did. What does good parenting look like? I have zero point of reference. My DH grew up in a stable home with loving parents so it's nice to have his perspective when I feel completely lost.

Aha. That makes sense. I was very close to my grand mom growing up.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to read such a sad story OP. I think many men, in particular, are narcissists, so they don't really care about anyone else.

As for others, I would say they were probably raised in a dysfunctional and cold environment and really need to be taught how to love and feel connected. I grew up w/ 8 kids in my family so I often felt alone and responsible for my own feelings, clothes, outcome, success. I have only 1 kid myself so that I could spend proper attention on her. Love her to the nd of the moon and beyond.

[Anonymous]

he prob just doesn't know how to communicate with you or anyone well.

you can try to re-engage, carry the conversations, ask what he wants or what is comfortable with. but you may have to do a lot of reading between the lines. it gets exhausting though and one-sided. i would just let it be and let him know you're there and happy to speak anytime or re-connect. put the ball in his court and move on. you are far from having boundary issues.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is the unconnected parent. She had children because that is what society expected of her in the 60s and 70s. She went back to work immediately and left the children in borderline neglectful situations. In the time I've known her, she is overly critical on nearly every subject and unpleasant to be around. In the past 3-4 years she's started calling DH on his cell only, and never asks to speak to me or the kids. Fine with me, but it's a shame she ditched the grandkids.

[Anonymous]

All I can say, is I am sorry your Dad is like that. Enjoy your baby and shower your son with love and kindness!

[Anonymous]

Most men are narcissists. So are most people over 70 of both genders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men are narcissists. So are most people over 70 of both genders.

Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men are narcissists. So are most people over 70 of both genders.

This rings true in my experience. Research to back it up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men are narcissists. So are most people over 70 of both genders.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men are narcissists. So are most people over 70 of both genders.

That's an absurd assertion. Data? There is no way that most men or people over 70 have a personality disorder. Even if you just meant that they're extremely self-centered and have overly high opinions of themselves, I still don't buy your sweeping generalization.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same situation. My mom is super cold, but she was really close with her mom. It is so weird she spent so much time caring for her mother that she never ever spent time with me and now we never see each other.


She made sure everybody had clothes and food (in the fridge not cooked) and thought her job was done there. I don't get it either.

On the Real Estate thread tons of people can't wait to sell their house and get a condo "downsize". What about the kids visiting... they don't care. The kids can get a hotel. They make comments like I am not keeping the house on the off chance they might visit. Their kids are not even out of the house yet and they don't care if they see their kids once they are off to college.

It is odd to me, but apparently not odd. So ... it's just the way some people think.