Long ago ex has cancer

[Anonymous]

I was in an abusive relationship of a similar length (8 years). He was emotionally abusive for years, and I left the second time he threatened to beat the crap out of me.

The main Q I have is whether or not this friend who informed you about the ex's cancer knows about the abuse. If he/she does, then he/she is a crappy friend for trying to guilt you into support.

If he/she didn't know, then I would simply say something like, "it was a long time ago, and the circumstances of the break-up are such that I don't have any obligation or desire to be in touch with him. I'm not going to discuss what happened so long ago, but I am sorry to hear about his illness. "

If the friend keeps trying to engage, just rinse and repeat....

[Anonymous]

The dude is dying and is looking for supportive people. Now is not the time to unload a bunch of old personal history like that.

Op can just say "Benny and I haven't talked for ages, we don't really know each other now and I'm not sure that I have anything to say to him. Of course, I'm sorry to hear that he is ill."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in an abusive relationship of a similar length (8 years). He was emotionally abusive for years, and I left the second time he threatened to beat the crap out of me.

The main Q I have is whether or not this friend who informed you about the ex's cancer knows about the abuse. If he/she does, then he/she is a crappy friend for trying to guilt you into support.

If he/she didn't know, then I would simply say something like, "it was a long time ago, and the circumstances of the break-up are such that I don't have any obligation or desire to be in touch with him. I'm not going to discuss what happened so long ago, but I am sorry to hear about his illness. "

If the friend keeps trying to engage, just rinse and repeat....

Yeah, this sounds like no real friend of yours, if he/she is trying to get you to engage with your former abuser.

[Anonymous]

I see no reason for you to reach out to him.
You are now happily moved on now, w/a family and your relationship w/him is just a bad memory in your mind + heart.

Tell the friend that you are sorry to hear of your ex's situation but that that ship sailed away a LONG time ago and that you have moved on with your life & are in a good place now

I wouldn't initiate any contact with him.
There would be no point.