The view of a black girl in private school

[Anonymous]

I was a white girl I an elementary school that was mostly African Americans. There were maybe only a couple other white girls in my class each year. Some of the black girls treated me like a doll in the sense that they looooved playing with my hair. I didn't like it much because it was generally painful. I'd be going "ow!" And they'd just tsk like "tuh. You so tender headed" and keep yanking away! Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many points in the article remind me of when I went to private school in the US. I was just thinking about the hair touching. I went to a predominantly black elementary school and rarely saw anyone white but it never occurred to me when I switched to a predominately white private school to try touch someone's hair that was different and ask lots of questions.

Do you know that white women touch each other's hair? In HS we would braid each other's hair.

I have very rarely seen a white girl or woman walk up and touch or stroke another white woman's hair without permission. Totally different from braiding circles. And yes, I am a white woman who has braided lots of hair. I remember being really surprised when I braided one friend's hair; she had gorgeous thick, red hair, but it was horribly coarse. Not what I was expecting. But anyway, you always ask first; it's common sense. That goes for any body part, frankly.

Not in my circle of friends. Girls hold hands, braid hair, hug. It would not be odd in the senior lounge to walk up behind somebody and touch their hair.

Also we say "good hair" too for thick vs stringy hair, We also say "good skin"... For skin that tans vs freckly skin that burns.

I ask because my best friend grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood and school, I am her only close white friend and she comments about how odd it is to hear me on the phone talking about these things so casually it make her cringe to hear me say good skin... I said it in reference to my son who was at the beach with friends and I said ... Apply sunscreen ever hour you have the Irish skin, you will burn.

She was just surprised white people talk about skin tone.

Also, my H is a coach and he sometime touches the kids head, a black mom got upset, he's not a pet, don't touch his head, but then she saw my H did it to all the other kids and apologized later in the season.

Also we live in SS and the Hispanic moms always confuse me with the one other white mom on the soccer team, we look nothing alike, it happens.

Maybe there is a regional US culture because even at my mostly white private schooling NY people did not do all that you described. I do think like the PP above mentioned that the rule of thumb is to respect personal space boundaries unless you know the person is okay with it. The hair things is very sensitive.

Everything is cultural. I am sure waspy NYEers don't touch but Italian NY do.

Don't hang out with Cubans if you don't want to be touched. Don't hang with Italians if you don't want to be hugged. People act the way they learned and not everybody learns "personal space".. A better rule of thumb is you can't control others actions you can only control your reaction.

DC people don't say hi on the street, in Charlotte they do. It's just cultural, don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Interesting that she referenced Beyoncé's recent visual album as helping with self-acceptance. My 20 something sister told me that this is the first year where she has felt proud of her black beauty and the album really helped with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was interesting to me to read. Because I went to a private school. And there was a black girl there named Tiwa.

That's where the similarities end, because Tiwa was a very bitter girl. She thought everything was a slight against her, and it was always because she was black. I didn't even remember this happening, but I ran into a teacher a couple of years after graduating who recounted a story: Tiwa asked me for a cough drop. I said no. She said, "It's because I'm black, isn't it?" and I said, "No, it's because my throat is red."

I haven't thought about that, or Tiwa for over a decade. I'm happy to read about another Tiwa, at another private school, who pushed through the difficulties of being one of the very few black girls to come out okay.

Oh my. I don't see this the same. The teacher simply said "no" to the student? We are talking about an adult and a kid. If the teacher could not have not spared the drop, the teacher should have taken Tiwa to the nurse for assistance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many points in the article remind me of when I went to private school in the US. I was just thinking about the hair touching. I went to a predominantly black elementary school and rarely saw anyone white but it never occurred to me when I switched to a predominately white private school to try touch someone's hair that was different and ask lots of questions.

Do you know that white women touch each other's hair? In HS we would braid each other's hair.

I have very rarely seen a white girl or woman walk up and touch or stroke another white woman's hair without permission. Totally different from braiding circles. And yes, I am a white woman who has braided lots of hair. I remember being really surprised when I braided one friend's hair; she had gorgeous thick, red hair, but it was horribly coarse. Not what I was expecting. But anyway, you always ask first; it's common sense. That goes for any body part, frankly.

Not in my circle of friends. Girls hold hands, braid hair, hug. It would not be odd in the senior lounge to walk up behind somebody and touch their hair.

Also we say "good hair" too for thick vs stringy hair, We also say "good skin"... For skin that tans vs freckly skin that burns.

I ask because my best friend grew up in a predominantly black neighborhood and school, I am her only close white friend and she comments about how odd it is to hear me on the phone talking about these things so casually it make her cringe to hear me say good skin... I said it in reference to my son who was at the beach with friends and I said ... Apply sunscreen ever hour you have the Irish skin, you will burn.

She was just surprised white people talk about skin tone.

Also, my H is a coach and he sometime touches the kids head, a black mom got upset, he's not a pet, don't touch his head, but then she saw my H did it to all the other kids and apologized later in the season.

Also we live in SS and the Hispanic moms always confuse me with the one other white mom on the soccer team, we look nothing alike, it happens.

Maybe there is a regional US culture because even at my mostly white private schooling NY people did not do all that you described. I do think like the PP above mentioned that the rule of thumb is to respect personal space boundaries unless you know the person is okay with it. The hair things is very sensitive.

Well, it could be regional, but it's still best to respect personal space. Look at all the women on the Expectant Moms board complaining about people who touch their stomachs without asking. It's rude. Don't touch people, don't grope people, don't grab people, etc, unless you know they're ok with it or you know you're in a culture in which it's normal.

[Anonymous]

There is fantastic article circulating about this very topic on scarymommy.com

[Anonymous]

Just to be clear. Its not just a cultural thing with touching black peoples hair. Its more of a "oh black people have different hair and now is my chance to touch it". "You are so different". My daughter has had to deal with this at her school in DC which is almost 40% white 50% black. This is like the unfortunate situation of the white girl in the black school mentioned in a post above except blacks are more often the minority and deal with this a lot in school and out. If you are a close friend then sure lets discuss and share. If you barely know me its like I am just an object to you and as a black person who is often objectified this is offensive.