S/O...Is it okay to text a married man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jokes, observations, etc. on occasion? Perfectly fine/normal.

Selfies from bed? No.

Pics in a french maid costume? No.

Anything you wouldn't want your gran to know, or your kids to read? No.

People aren't crazy for having standards of decency greater than those of a common trollop.

If you have to ask if what you're doing is okay, it's probably not.

There's a huge in between there. Like, close friends, but no sexual relationship.

[Anonymous]

I only text another man if it's the dad of one of my children's friends and we are working out logistics as to drop off/pick up, etc.

[Anonymous]

The only married man I text is my boss. We are also friends. It's not frequent at all and if it's not about work, it's some observation about the neighbourhood (we live close by) or some funny observation about the news etc. The only pics I have sent him is of the empty parking spots of upper management at work because they're chronically absent lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only text another man if it's the dad of one of my children's friends and we are working out logistics as to drop off/pick up, etc.

Do you just not know other males? Did you not have male friends before you got married?

[Anonymous]

Rule of thumb- only text during work hours. I have married male friends & we might text. But nothing in the evenings/weekends.

It helps to keep boundaries and perspective.

[Anonymous]

For m, H. Crossed the line with a female co-worker when:

1. The number of texts were over 1000 per month
2. He wasn't texting any of his male friends like this or other co-workers like this.
3. It started at 5am until bedtime
4. It was secret
5. They're both over 40 years old and work doesn't require that kind of instant contact.

I have no idea what the content was, but it was intrusive.

[Anonymous]

I just looked at my texts after reading this thread. Most of the men I contact are gay or members of my family. There are a couple of straight male friends. I consider them some of my closest friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For m, H. Crossed the line with a female co-worker when:

1. The number of texts were over 1000 per month
2. He wasn't texting any of his male friends like this or other co-workers like this.
3. It started at 5am until bedtime
4. It was secret
5. They're both over 40 years old and work doesn't require that kind of instant contact.

I have no idea what the content was, but it was intrusive.

How long did this go on before you found out? Did you ask H to stop and did he comply? And what did he describe the content when you asked (as I assume you did).

[Anonymous]

The thought of cheating on one's spouse runs through a man's mind at least 50 times a day. Human nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rule of thumb- only text during work hours. I have married male friends & we might text. But nothing in the evenings/weekends.

It helps to keep boundaries and perspective.

+1

For non-work friends, sure, it's all cool so long as you're completely transparent and type nothing you'd mind a spouse seeing.

[Anonymous]

I do, and female friends text my DH all the time, no big deal.

[Anonymous]

I think the main ingredient that makes texting okay or not okay is secrecy. My husband kept his female texting very secret very intentionally, even when the texts themselves were probably very innocuous. Why? Because he was grooming a future affair partner to add to his harem. He was always hopeful that any female might one day see him as more than a friend and he would never rule anyone out as a candidate. I learned this much later of course. Many wives are completely trusting and that trust can lead to a lot of inappropriate behavior. But that said, hopefully most married men are not like my STBX so I wouldn't want to project his shady behavior on all texting males! Sometimes friends really are just friends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. Some of those other threads are crazy. A spouse is not your possession. Who cares if married people text their friends? Though to be honest I also don't much care about spouses (including my own) mildly flirting with others. People are too uptight.

Agree 100%

Someone flirting with my wife is ok by me.

Someone making plans to have sex with her isn't ok by me

[Anonymous]

Sure. My male coworker is one of my closest friends and we text all the time. Nothing I would hide from DH. All of the texts are on my phone if he wanted to read them.

[Anonymous]

Honestly no.
I'm not old school about a lot, but this in one area I am.

Fortunately for me, DH agrees.