BIL, IRS Scam & Prepaid AmEx Cards, Oh My!
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Crew
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| Your BIL already demonstrated his poor judgement by getting caught in this scam. Now he is asking you to trust his judgment by following his advice to misrepresent the truth to help him get his $ back? I don't think so. |
Anonymous
| no way! this sounds like it could end in identity theft or somethingvbad for you. why not everyone give him 200 in family, if you can, and leave him be. or give nothing. |
Anonymous
| I am sorry to hear about your situation, that sounds really rough. I know it's hard right now but you and your husband did the right thing. |
Anonymous
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Your BIL sounds troubled. I personally would suspect he was not scammed and that this is in fact a scam of his and he is furious you are not buying into his scam. Your husbands family likely spends a lot of dramatic energy worrying about him.
Good for you for standing your ground and I am sorry you have to go through this. There was no good option available to you, you took the best one. |
Anonymous
Agree 100% if you can afford it, buy your way out of the problem. It sounds like the cards were $500 each so if you can, give him $500 and be DONE with it. How can he dispute a card in your name (also how can you dispute a prepaid card at all)? You will be up to your eyeballs in this mess so if $500 buys you a way out, AND you can afford it, take the suggestion above. If $500 is a burden I think you are going to have to decline and just take the heat. It is not your issue and it is awful that BIL is getting you involved. I called the IRS the other day. 60 min on hold and they reminded me no less than 10 times "not to fall prey to IRS Scams. The IRS will never call you without sending a notice first". |
Anonymous
| Is he really that dumb to fall for the IRS Scam? Or is this his way of crying poor, trying to get some family to give him $. The overreaction, cursing and storming out makes me think he has a drug, alcohol or gambling problem |
Anonymous
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OP, you did the right thing. Put a stop to this now because this person is going to ask for more in the future. I know this is very emotional. I had a similar situation with a brother. I still want him to be my brother, but right now we are not talking. I basically said that I want to keep my money matters separate from my family right now. That's hard to say, but necessary with someone like this. I think that time will heal the issue that I have. As soon as our money matters are in the clear, we will probably be able to carry on as a family. At least that's what I'm telling myself in order to get through this emotionally. It's really, really hard. My heart is with you. |
Anonymous
| I'm imagining the adult little brother character in Steve Martin's movie, "Parenthood." The one with the kid named, "Cool." |
Anonymous
I just read what happened (should have kept reading before responding) your BIL is a jerk and deserves NOTHING. That said $500 is a small price to pay if it helps DH maintain a relationship (an ill advised one at best) with his brother. I have one of these brothers too. Always in trouble. I once gave him money to get a lawyer and when the case was over he kept what was left of the retainer...to pay his rent. I also once gave him a couple of thousand for a used car. for a specific purpose Never bought a car, and never returned the money. He will never change so I have stopped giving him my hard earned money and we barely have a relationship. I am fine with it b/c it is what is best for me and my family. You already know BIL is NOT going to change. So unless husband changes his mindset, give BIL $500 (or whatever you can afford) and tell DH that you DO NOT want BIL around you or the kids again. They can bro it up over guys nights that DO NOT happen at your home. I know this is easier said than done. |
Anonymous
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He should also report this to the IRS:
https://www.treasury.gov/tigta/ |
Anonymous
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OP again - thanks for all the support. Unfortunately these types of issues are nothing new for my BIL. His entire life has been one huge mistake after another - been fired from multiple jobs, multiple DUIs, failed relationships, etc. He is in his mid forties and still lives off of his father's money, lives in an apt that I'm pretty sure FIL helps pay for and currently works at a job that FIL got for him. He is an entitled brat who is constantly enabled by his family. I'm pretty sure I'm the first person to say no to him which is why I got the reaction I did. I'm also certain that he didn't go to his Dad first for fear of finally being cut off. (DH's parents divorced long ago and only speak occasionally.) His mother is a complete softy who has her own long history of poor financial decisions and was an easy target. I guessed he assumed DH and I would be as well.
It's been nearly a week and I haven't heard anything from him. He did text DH and asked that he apologize to our kids for his behavior, but there was no mention of me. He also mentioned that we will just have to "live with the consequences" of what happened. It's obvious that he still thinks that I am the one at fault. My emotions have settled but I am still hurt, angry and sad. DH stands by me but also wonders what the future will hold. It's only a matter of time before my FIL invites all to get together and I've already made up my mind that I will not attend any family functions if he is there. Eventually his Dad is going to hear the whole story and that's when things will really get interesting... |
Anonymous
| I feel for you. Going forward, let DH deal with his family and all confrontations. They are less likely to stay mad at him. It always get sticky when the daughter or sister-in-law get involved. |
Anonymous
| I agree with the previous poster who suspects your BIL was trying to scam you. If it was a matter of being scammed he would have just asked for money. He was too focused on the card angle for this to be legit. He most likely has an addiction of some kind. My sister is a gambler and we have been through several episodes that are similar to yours. This is a warning to you that BIL cannot be trusted. Somehow, you are going to have to broach this possibility with your husband and team up to agree what amount of help you will give BIL. Btw, my sister only got angry if I figured out she was scamming me, never when I just refused to give her money |