Can anyone relate to this-dealing with elderly parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You ever read that article about who is at the center of the circle in a crisis? Your dad is very ill, your mom might lose her spouse. She is dumping on you to avoid dumping on him. And she is facing a far worse crisis than you, as hard as it is to see your parents age.

She's entitled to a little crazy. Bear with it, stand up for yourself if you must, but try to see how scared and vulnerable she is.

This. OP, please take a moment to understand how this works...and show some compassion for your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You just described my mom and her relationships with me. My mom is in the same situation, taking care of Dad and he is difficult and ton of trouble and just nasty to her sometimes. All of that is of no dispute and as hard on her and all of us as can be. My mom deserves all the praise and consideration on that and many other accounts. But, her attitude towards me is downright nasty 50% of the time. I am to listen, to never ending complaints, but when I offer advice or even agree with her, it is what is wrong with me, how can I say that and walking away, accusing me of hating her etc.. She also twists my words in any way she can, I am not kidding. Your mom at least, you say, acknowledges her nastiness, mine is always a victim and I am the abuser. I am never sure what will set her off, sometimes nothing at all. Then accusations and "if she could die to make me happy, she would do it" start. What I try to do, is basically avoid everything, all topics as much as I can. I talk about the food and the weather, no joke. I am sorry you are going through this, it is hard. I had tried to get my mom to see somebody about either depression, anxiety, but that goes back to some 20 year old Dr assessment that she is not crazy. And I have two teens as well, so yeah on that side it is no picnic either. Hang in there.

OP here. That is rough. I hope she comes to appreciate you.

Thank you for saying that. I wish you patience and all hope that things improve with your own mom. It is tough, but no matter moms are moms, and as I like to say, it is all coming to us in the future, maybe not the exact same problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You ever read that article about who is at the center of the circle in a crisis? Your dad is very ill, your mom might lose her spouse. She is dumping on you to avoid dumping on him. And she is facing a far worse crisis than you, as hard as it is to see your parents age.

She's entitled to a little crazy. Bear with it, stand up for yourself if you must, but try to see how scared and vulnerable she is.

This. OP, please take a moment to understand how this works...and show some compassion for your mother.

Did you read? There is no mention of NOT showing compassion. Often it is the person who actually does the work of caregiver who gets shat on and has to cope. It's easy to judge when you aren't doing the work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You ever read that article about who is at the center of the circle in a crisis? Your dad is very ill, your mom might lose her spouse. She is dumping on you to avoid dumping on him. And she is facing a far worse crisis than you, as hard as it is to see your parents age.

She's entitled to a little crazy. Bear with it, stand up for yourself if you must, but try to see how scared and vulnerable she is.

This. OP, please take a moment to understand how this works...and show some compassion for your mother.

There is no excuse for taking out stress on others, even though it's not all that uncommon. I don't see anywhere in OP's post that she is lacking compassion.

I would say, "It makes me not want to spend time here when you speak to me like that." Say it in a calm way. Unless your mother is getting dementia, as another poster suggested, maybe that would be a wake up call for her. Good luck, OP. You sound like a good daughter.