if you and spouse disagree about a major parenting issue

[Anonymous]

There are some issues that never get resolved, you just stop talking about them. When our daughter turned 16, DH and I disagreed on whether DD should be given a car. I thought it was spoiling, he wanted to be generous. Years later - - we have a car which DD drives almost exclusively. I haven't been inconvenienced. DH hasn't bothered to change the title.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom wins. Kidding a little. But that seems to be how it shakes out.

I guess this. The thing is that I am the one actually there implementing it. So, he can bring me around to his side, but if I still disagree, it's going to be done my way. For example, I am not going to implement a discipline method that I disagree with. He had a strong opinion that the kids had to "earn" screen time. That didn't work for me. I couldn't keep track of who had how much. So, we just have certain times of the day screen time is an option. He wanted them to do chores. But they are young, and it is more work for me. But we discussed why he felt that way, and I came around, and the kids do chores. I choose schools. He isn't going to take time off work to look at the schools, talk to the kids teachers, etc.
otoh, he gets a lot of say in things that are not kid related, like where we live.

This is us, too. I'm just not going to do/maintain/implement anything I truly don't agree with. DH either isn't here, or won't do it himself (school enrollment, for example), so if I'm not on board, it doesn't happen.

[Anonymous]

I think Mothers really do know best & that Fathers should realize this fact and trust her enough to make the best choices for the child's best interest.

[Anonymous]

I make most of the school choice type decisions. I do a lot of research on parenting issues as they come up. I read and seek out parents who have experienced the issue I am navigating and that research informs my parenting decisions. If my husband disagrees and it is something I feel very strongly about, I tell him of the research I have done that led me to the decision I made. If he still disagrees with me and can't articulate why, I tell him flat out I will consider his position when he can articulate a reason for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you resolve it? I am thinking specifically here if one parent wants to use a discipline technique that the other does not, or one parent wants to send the child to a school that the other does not. And you talk and talk and there is just a disagreement. How do you decide in situations where there is no real compromise--you either do the thing or you do not?

I'd like to hear about the involvement level (with their child) of each parent, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Usually in our house, the more conservative opinion wins if everything else is equal. Like if DD is invited to go on vacation with a friend, and I think it's fine but DH thinks she's too young, she wouldn't be allowed to go. Or if one of us thinks she needs to study more for a test and the other feels she can determine if she's prepped enough on her own, we'd tell her to study a bit more.

The exception to that is when one of us feels very strongly about a situation. DH wasn't a fan of my parents taking the kids to Disney World for their 5th birthday presents. He didn't have a great reason, just felt it was overindulgent. I felt strongly that it was a great way for our kids to bond with my parents and he relented. He feels strongly that they need to read certain books that are commonly read in our culture (but not assigned at their school). I don't really care, but he thinks it's important so I encouraged the kids to read them.

We don't disagree over major issues often thankfully.

This is us too. I don't make decisions that make DH uncomfortable, or vice versa.