How did you talk to your tween DD re: sex, etc.?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't told my kids the details but I have told them I waited until I was in college and in a long term relationship. And, it wasn't just a single conversation, I talk a lot about sex/drugs and have since they were young. They usually don't want to have a conversation (they just listen while pretending to ignore me) but they've also expressed shock about how little some of their friends know and how little their parents tell them.

I don't know if I'll every tell them how much fun a ONS can be or how sometimes you just need a good fuck!

But what about those of us who didn't wait until we were in college and had sex at 15? I don't want to lie to my kids, so I imagine I will tell them the truth if/when they ask.

I had sex when I was 15 and I don't imagine I'll lie. I also don't think my decision was a poor one and I suffered no ill effects, but for women who had a different experience I can understand why they'd want to avoid that question or give a less straightforward answer.

How old is your DD? I used to think like you when she as little, but now that she is 14, I really don't want to light a fuse,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had been prepared with what I really wanted to say, which was that she should be much older and in a long term relationship with someone she loves - and who loves her. This person should be loyal, kind, and only have her best interests at heart. She should never be afraid to say no, and if the other person is upset by that, then it's the wrong person.

She should also be emotionally mature enough to plan on having safe sex, always.

It's not too late to go back to her in a quiet moment and say, "you know, I was thinking more about your question the other day, and there's some more things I want you to know." And then tell her what you told us.

Remember that you'll have a series of conversations with her, so you don't have to say it all perfectly the first time, but I'm sure you'll be glad to have started sharing.

OP here - thanks. This is exactly what I did and we had a really good talk. I waited until we were alone in the house, just the two of us, and just told her all of the above. She seemed to get what I was saying, but you're right - this is merely the first in what will probably be several similar conversations, esp. as she gets older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think you handled it really well. I think the details about the scumbags should be kept out of it. They need to have hope, after all.

Thank you, PP! I agree, I kept the scumbag memory out of the conversation. No need to turn her into a cynic at this tender age!

Thanks to all PPs for your thoughtful responses. So much great advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish I had been prepared with what I really wanted to say, which was that she should be much older and in a long term relationship with someone she loves - and who loves her. This person should be loyal, kind, and only have her best interests at heart. She should never be afraid to say no, and if the other person is upset by that, then it's the wrong person.

She should also be emotionally mature enough to plan on having safe sex, always.

It's not too late to go back to her in a quiet moment and say, "you know, I was thinking more about your question the other day, and there's some more things I want you to know." And then tell her what you told us.

Remember that you'll have a series of conversations with her, so you don't have to say it all perfectly the first time, but I'm sure you'll be glad to have started sharing.

OP here - thanks. This is exactly what I did and we had a really good talk. I waited until we were alone in the house, just the two of us, and just told her all of the above. She seemed to get what I was saying, but you're right - this is merely the first in what will probably be several similar conversations, esp. as she gets older.

Could you please share more details about what was discussed?