How To Handle The Silent Treament?
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Anonymous
| Sometimes my boyfriend and I bicker and he's not great at bucking up and apologizing. But in my heart I know he wants things to be back to normal and is sorry, just not great at articulating it. So I ask myself, is it worth turning X issue into such a big deal? And I don't even mention the fight again if its over, I just kinda reach out (or he does, like another poster said) and say something normal like "what do you want for dinner?" Most things aren't worth prolonging the fight over. Be the bigger person. |
Anonymous
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OP here. Here's a good article I found while trying to sort this out. I thought I'd link it if anyone else is dealing with this.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/therapy-soup/2014/11/the-silent-treatment-and-what-you-can-do-to-stop-it-cold/ I suppose he could simply still be mad and/or taking time trying to sort out what happened, what this means, etc. It is possible it is still that cool down period. Maybe when you don't live together, that period is longer. We talk on the phone a lot though (multiple times per day), which hasn't happened. Something tells me this is more than that, though I could be wrong. He already gets cold/quiet after disagreements for what I consider to be a long time. These will not even be arguments, but just some miscommunication, or where we express our feelings about something, and mine are hard to hear. |
Anonymous
| I think it might that he is reassessing your relationship. As these tiny disagreements add up, he may have come to the conclusion that all told they spell a mismatch in values. |
Anonymous
| OP, are you one of these people who has to hyperanalyze everything? Maybe he is tired of that and feels like he is dating a therapist. |
Anonymous
OP here. I laughed at your post because when I was very young, I used to be that way a little bit. I have mellowed a ton, and chalk a lot of things up to normal relationship occurrences. However, you have something there in that he is one of those people, actually. He seems to hang on to minor disagreements or when things are not all wonderful. When those things happen, he gets quiet and weird. I find myself explaining to him that such things are no big deal, and are normal, and let's just move on and let it go. Maybe he is questioning everything, like a pp said. Right now, I am being more analytical about this, I think because I am concerned about his past reactions of a similar type, and if this represents a pattern. The responses are helpful. Thanks everyone. Keep them coming. |
Anonymous
| Run far away! I couldn't stand living with someone who is not mature enough to tell me how they feel when I've done something to upset them. |
Anonymous
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The silent treatment is hostile and borderline or outright abusive. IMO.
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-09-28/features/ct-ae-0928-amy-20110928_1_silent-treatment-marriage-counselor-bad-medicine |
Anonymous
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See also
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-01-14/features/ct-ae-0114-amy-20120114_1_silent-treatment-facebook-password-friends OP, if this is a pattern, it is a red flag. IMO |
Anonymous
| Lol the silent treatment is also an opportunity to shut up and think before you speak. It sounds like you don't have to run away if he already has. |
Anonymous
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I had an ex who used to do this to me... turns out he had another gf and used to give me the silent treatment when he needed to be gone and out of town for a few days. Either way it's hostile and ridiculous especially from someone in their 40s. You said yourself it was a relatively minor disagreement... run... run.. and don't look back.
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Anonymous
| /\/\ This. It was a holiday weekend. Has he done this sort of thing in the past? Have you all ever had a minor row just before a long weekend or anything like that. How about after a long weekend together. I am thinking maybe bobcat guy might be on the loose again! |
Anonymous
| This is why you guys are single. |
Anonymous
I kind of agree. I think telling someone you can't talk about an argument now is fine, and that may take a few hours or a day or so to calm down and reconsider. But that's just agreeing not to talk about the topic at hand. It does not mean giving the silent treatment in all facets of daily contact, and not to punish or manipulate in any way. There is a difference. Sometimes people are so angry, they just need time to themselves to calm down and think it through. But they need to be able to articulate this when it happens. |
Anonymous
+100 The only adults I know who employ silent treatment are NOT the type of people you want as a life partner. They are childish and immature on their best day. Has he ever done anything like this before OP? If this is his first instance of this kind of behavior, and he doesn't seem immature in other ways, maybe see why he's reacting so differently about this situation. If this is one in a long line of childish reactions to adult disagreements drop him like a hot rock. |
Anonymous
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It sounds to me like he is ignoring your efforts at communication & if that is the case, he is acting very immature and selfish.
Plus you may be correct. He could be mounting a power play here. When was the dispute? And how long have you been receiving this silent treatment for? |