Parents' money, and favoritism / greed (vent?)

[Anonymous]

You have all my sympathy OP, and to me your post seems sincere and balanced and full of self-awareness. Of course on DCUM you must expect people to just rip right through you.

I completely understand your irritation at your parents' poor life choices. If it were anybody else, you probably wouldn't care! But these are your parents, and you expect them to think more like you. A lot of people are in a similar situation! My parents like to give lots of presents which will be used once and discarded, but have never wrapped their heads around a financially equivalent contribution to their grandchildren's college fund. They prefer to do the immediate "fun" stuff, which is understandable at some level, but is pretty short-sighted as well, because my children would be incredibly grateful to them in the long run if they knew they had helped with their college tuition.

Anyway, I've given up talking to them about it.
I think you should do the same. They are not going to change.
What you need from them are the basics - a will, a key to their house, and a request they organize their paperwork so you and your sister can easily go through them.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for you OP. Nothing about this is ok. They won't agree/understand even if they do ask/follow your advice.

If they bring it up again I would be honest about what is distancing them from you- it's their choices, though, not just yours (in living farther away).

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. I also think that there is nothing wrong in leaving your children as much as possible. Times have changed and unless you are already wealthy it is very hard to make it. I do not want to saddle my kids with 200k of college debt and no way ever of making it. I also dont want to give my kids the idea that they dont need to work to ensure their sound financial future. And in my dotage I hope that I can do some things I want without squandering family wealth. It should be used for future generations.

Unfortunately, unless your parents are open to following the advice of a financial planner, there's not much you can do. Maybe you can get them to see one, couching it in terms of maximizing their investments, etc. Have they been open in discussing their will with you? You deserve to know some of the plans, in case there are complications down the line. But a lot of this depends on their relationship to you and how open they are to discussing this. The sister equation adds another layer of complication.

I have two parents who are not married to each other anymore and it has been a different situation with each. My mom is open about her plans and about splitting all her estate equally between myself and my brother, with a small gift to each of her grandkids. She has also shown me what is in place in terms of long term care options and how she would like us to use, or not use, her money for care options. She has figured out that she wants to be cremated and has already rented the spot.

My father is very secretive, but finally let on that nearly all his assets have been commingled with his wife's asset into their 4 properties. He has left some cash to each of us, but I expect the bulk of his assets will pass to her, and none to us, although I do not know the details. She has no children, but I suspect she will find other ways of using that money so although I dont know for sure, I can expect to receive very little. SHe is younger, so it is unlikely she will pass before him. It does upset me--I feel he should do what he wants with it in life, but in death, he should leave some for his kids/grandkids--but its not my choice. It has only shaped the way I will deal with things in the future with my own children.

[Anonymous]

You had sex with a man ( albeit your husband ) you procreated and there is this expectation of your parents contributing money towards your kid's college education ?
B!tch please . Leave your parents for crying out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way your Parents manage Real Estate, they may be needing you and your siblings to help finance them in thier old age.

The parents owned 4 properties: primary, vacation, 1 rental , 2 rental. Those rentals provided housing for 2 of their 3 children. OP was NOT 1 of the 2 so got no adult era housing benefit [money] from the parents. The parents are fine. Big deal if they unloaded THEIR rental property NOT occupied by a kid-adult child. The parents are/were financing 2/3 of the kids as adults.

Given that if I were the parents [as I posted earlier] I'd gift money to the OP at the point she found a better house and needed it for closing/offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Liberals love telling other people how they should spend their money.

This, all the while spending their money exactly how they choose. Op would like yo bat shit crazy if her parents meddled in her financial decisions.

[Anonymous]

It's not your money, at all. You are not entitled to feelings about it, or opinions about it. Not your money!

[Anonymous]

I will say it is hard to sit by and watch your relatives make bad financial decisions but sometimes your best option is to just completely butt out. Maybe you can suggest getting an estate planner to give them advice but it doesn't sound like they're very receptive to advice.

[Anonymous]

OP, your parents have had nothing but success in their real estate venture until now. They are not looking to you for advice -- you cant tell them what to do, they are living "their dream" not yours. Sorry..

[Anonymous]

If your parents want to lose money on real estate transactions and buy another vacation home, so be it. Don't concern yourself with stuff like that.

I do think parents should aim to help their children equally. When my brother and I bought houses, my mom gave us equal amounts despite me making much more than my brother. Granted, she helps him in other ways (like buying him groceries). My grandparents don't treat children/grandchildren equally and it's a little weird.