How to react - 5 year olds acting inappropriately

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at the reactions here. I remember playing doctor and showing privates when I was very, very young. This is normal behavior.

OP here and free it's normal - that said, do you raise it with the other parents?

I think it is normal behavior and that you handled very well. I would have probably told the other parent when she picked up the child (out of the kids' earshot), if anything to avoid that she gets it from her child in his "personalized" version. I would live the teacher out of it. Maybe I would ask the school counselor how to help your child enforce boundaries with his friends.

It's the troubled child who needs help from the school counselor. He MIGHT be getting molested by an older individual. That is a very clear possibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious what you think the teacher should do about it? It didn't happen at school. Do you involve your child's teacher in everything that happens at home during playdates?

The teacher needs to keep a close eye on the troubled child. You ought to know that. But you're one of the parents who think this is fine.

[Anonymous]

I remember hiding in a closet with my friend at that age (both girls) and showing each other our privates. I remember feeling totally curious but knowing it was somehow forbidden. There was no arousal or anything like that. Just utter curiosity. I think it is very normal and if we had gotten "caught" I think we would have benefiting from a straightforward conversation about body parts and privacy. Definitely nothing to be ashamed about.

[Anonymous]

I think you handled it well. I would have told the other child's mother about the incident.

What I find concerning is that the other boy was telling him to touch him.

To me that's a little more than childhood curiosity.

I wouldn't tell the teacher unless I had concerns about the kid's safety at home, which it doesn't seem like you do.

[Anonymous]

Teacher here. I wouldn't mind a heads-up in this situation-- I might avoid sending the kids to the bathroom at the same time for awhile. (K kids at my school go in pairs if it isn't a "designated" group bathroom time.)

This isn't necessarily an indicator of abuse or other deeper issues, but the teacher might know of other incidents that might form a pattern, of some kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious what you think the teacher should do about it? It didn't happen at school. Do you involve your child's teacher in everything that happens at home during playdates?

OP here - I'm not sure I'd ask the teacher to do anything about it, but I think it's with giving a heads up in case this has come up with others in the class or comes up in the future. The teachers also are good at telling me how to address this type of stuff.

The teacher will no doubt tell you that it has indeed come up with others in the class -- because it is completely normal and age-appropriate behavior. How can you be a parent and not know that?

This same exact scenario was in a thread just a year ago. It's such a no-brainer that I wonder if that thread and this one are posted by the same troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at the reactions here. I remember playing doctor and showing privates when I was very, very young. This is normal behavior.

OP here and free it's normal - that said, do you raise it with the other parents?

I think it is normal behavior and that you handled very well. I would have probably told the other parent when she picked up the child (out of the kids' earshot), if anything to avoid that she gets it from her child in his "personalized" version. I would live the teacher out of it. Maybe I would ask the school counselor how to help your child enforce boundaries with his friends.

It's the troubled child who needs help from the school counselor. He MIGHT be getting molested by an older individual. That is a very clear possibility.

Troubled child? I feel sorry for your DH, PP. I mean that sincerely. The likelihood of a child who is interested in privates being molested are low to nill. It is totally normal. What's not normal, and what is a red flag for being molested, is already knowing about adult sexual behavior.

[Anonymous]

This happened with my 5 year old, too! He and a neighbor boy were playing "baby" and got undressed and tried to put on his brother's pull-ups. I caught them in the naked phase. I stopped them, had them get dressed, and made them come downstairs to play. Instituted a rule that my 5 year old couldn't bring friends to his room for awhile - a few months. Playing downstairs was fine. I mentioned it to the other mom the same day just to alert her.

No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I (female) was about 5, I was caught comparing privates with my cousin (boy), he was 4, by our moms.
They definitely made us feel ashamed. It did not stop my curiosity though, it only stopped me trusting and confiding in my mom in the future.

OP, I do not mean that you are that type of mom, I just mean to highlight how much these things stick with kids, and what impact they can have.

I have a boy, 6 yo, who often plays with the girl next door, also 6. I know they often kiss on the cheek when playing, and I know that it stops there (yes, I do listen and check on them). When they are at her house, the girls mom keeps telling them that they should not kiss. I think this is counterproductive and they are not doing any harm any way.
Like they are playing they are a family and they kiss goodbye etc.
That mom is nuts.

Of course you do, you're the boy's mother! Ugh we just had this issue with some neighbor's kid and our daughter. Now I feel like we need to watch them since the boy instigated it.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a troll. a similar thread was posted a few months earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had a play date with a classmate from school and the short version was that i went upstairs when I noticed it was too quiet. I found the kids in the closet in the other boy had taken off all of his clothes. I calmly told him to get his clothes on and that they were not allowed to be upstairs alone and shortly thereafter his mom came to pick him up.

When the kids left I discussed this with my son, asked him what exactly had happened and he said the other boy wanted him to touch his privates. We had a pretty straightforward discussion at that point about how that was inappropriate and how it made my son feel uncomfortable and if it ever happens again he should say that. I honestly don't think it was a particularly big deal to my son – I think he realizes that he can't do that again and should seek adult help if it happens again. He didn't really seem too concerned about it one where the other.

I'm wondering though if I need to discuss this with the other kids parents? And also whether I should raise this with the teacher, since this is a classmate from school. This isn't someone we have repeated play dates with So I'm not really worried about this happening again, but I'm friendly with the mom and they will likely be in the same school for some time going forward.

I can't decide whether I am overreacting under reacting or what!

OP- I would call the other mom and to discuss it in a non judgmental way. Both boys were engaged in this behavior- you're not blaming her son, etc. Let her know that you believe this is within normal for this age range, but you wanted to let her know so that she could discuss the behavior with her son if she chooses.
...and it is within normal. I clearly recall taking off all of my clothes for the neighbor boy because he had no idea what girls looked like. We were both about four or five years old.

[Anonymous]

My son was a kid who asked the other kid to touch the others privates. The mom told me and I was so glad she did. I was mortified, but soon realized it was common. We got some books about appropriate touch and had family discussions. It hasn't happened again.

Absolutely tell the other mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious what you think the teacher should do about it? It didn't happen at school. Do you involve your child's teacher in everything that happens at home during playdates?

Jesus! Exactly? Should you contact the neighbor and the mailman too?