Depressed college student

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I'm leaning towards having him take a semester or year off. I think he may want that also. He's been living by himself in an apartment at school and next year he's supposed to live in a group house. I'm thinking of letting him stay in the group house and just work or work and take one class. I don't think he'll be happy at home. His school won't let him take classes at another school except in the summer, so he wouldn't be able to take classes at a cc. I just worry about him getting more depressed but at some point he needs to figure this out himself.

Please be careful with this. My housemate in college had uncontrolled depression. She went home for a semester, but then came back to live with us. She wasn't enrolled in classes and was supposedly working, but she rarely left her room and never left the house. It was a huge responsibility for us to feel like we had to supervise her recovery and I don't think it did her any favors either.

I don't know what your solution is, but sending him back to his college town, even if not taking classes, before his depression is under control, is potentially a bad idea.

Same thing happened to me when I was in college. Roommate was actually admitted to the psych dept at the hospital and then released to come back to our college house with me and my other roommates, with the blessing of the parents, doctors, etc. It was INCREDIBLY stressful for everyone involved, during an already stressful time in our young adult lives (junior year of college).

[Anonymous]

This is OP- what about an internship or job overseas or some other gap year program, at least for a semester. It would give him an interesting learning experience, he'd be away from home and not surrounded by college students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP- what about an internship or job overseas or some other gap year program, at least for a semester. It would give him an interesting learning experience, he'd be away from home and not surrounded by college students.

I would worry about something that far away from home. Being overseas can be very stressful and it's probably not a good idea to attempt that with a kid who is not on solid footing. I would want to be able to closely observe my DC if he was recovering from a depressive episode. Even if not living at home, somewhere closer by seems better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP- what about an internship or job overseas or some other gap year program, at least for a semester. It would give him an interesting learning experience, he'd be away from home and not surrounded by college students.

I would worry about something that far away from home. Being overseas can be very stressful and it's probably not a good idea to attempt that with a kid who is not on solid footing. I would want to be able to closely observe my DC if he was recovering from a depressive episode. Even if not living at home, somewhere closer by seems better.

+1 And being overseas could be dangerous. There is also the challenge of dealing with a different culture. Normal behavior in the US might look strange elsewhere. Throw mental health issues into the mix and you have a potentially dangerous encounter with other people or the police.

There are a lot of great internships right here in Washington because of all the government agencies and nonprofits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I'm leaning towards having him take a semester or year off. I think he may want that also. He's been living by himself in an apartment at school and next year he's supposed to live in a group house. I'm thinking of letting him stay in the group house and just work or work and take one class. I don't think he'll be happy at home. His school won't let him take classes at another school except in the summer, so he wouldn't be able to take classes at a cc. I just worry about him getting more depressed but at some point he needs to figure this out himself.

Please be careful with this. My housemate in college had uncontrolled depression. She went home for a semester, but then came back to live with us. She wasn't enrolled in classes and was supposedly working, but she rarely left her room and never left the house. It was a huge responsibility for us to feel like we had to supervise her recovery and I don't think it did her any favors either.

I don't know what your solution is, but sending him back to his college town, even if not taking classes, before his depression is under control, is potentially a bad idea.

Same thing happened to me when I was in college. Roommate was actually admitted to the psych dept at the hospital and then released to come back to our college house with me and my other roommates, with the blessing of the parents, doctors, etc. It was INCREDIBLY stressful for everyone involved, during an already stressful time in our young adult lives (junior year of college).

I have struggled with depression and I find it helpful to have people around to keep me from withdrawing into myself and becoming isolated (my natural tendency). If he has set up this group house situation for himself, it may be because he is the same way and knows that it will be helpful to have friends around all the time (I have always lived with roommates for the same reason). The future housemates feeling stressed or burdened is not your responsibility - it's not like he is volatile or something, and at worst they won't see him much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation when I was in college. After a brief hospitalization, I moved to a new apartment, withdrew from school, found an easy part-time job. Eventually I returned to school (took 1-2 very easy summer school classes, then a reduced course load during the year, and then full-time after about a year). I also did therapy several times a week. That worked out well for me, but I had a good outpatient team (therapist, doctor or psychiatrist).

Getting a job was great because it was something I was good at. The job was basically just rote, manual labor, took zero brain power, but that was just what I needed.

Before I would recommend that for your son though, I think you, OP, need to consider how self-motivated your son is. Does he agree there is a problem? Does he want to get better or return to normal?

Your post said you are trying to get him to try counseling. Does he think that's a good idea? Is he willing to at least test-drive a couple of therapists to see if he finds one that works?

For me, coming home was not recommended because my home environment & home town was very triggering to me. But everyone is different. Would coming home be a relief to your son or a sign of major failure?

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Do you have any support or ability to get feedback in real time from either a professional (a therapist or licensed clinical social worker) or others who have been in your place? Maybe that would also be helpful for you to help your family and son sort out your options?

I'm curious about your hospital stay. How was it determined that you needed a hospital stay? Did it help?

[Anonymous]

My son is very independent and I don't think he wants to live at home. Maybe AmeriCorps or some other structured domestic work program would be good. He loves international travel but I hear what PPs have said about the challenges of managing his depression when he is far away.