Big Law and Parenting

[Anonymous]

Even today, most big law partners, at least those with kids, are men who have stay at home wives.

[Anonymous]

(a) stay at home spouse, (b) outsourcing, outsourcing, outsourcing, and (c) telling themselves that it's the quality, not quantity, that matters.

I couldn't hack it as a parent in BigLaw - I actually wanted to see my kids (imagine that!). Back when I was on the partnership track and was about to have my first child, I was give some friendly advice: get a day nanny and a night nanny.

[Anonymous]

Yes, all us BigLaw mothers are so selfish and evil for choosing this path.

[Anonymous]

DH left when our oldest was born. He started his own law firm with a friend instead. Much better hours.

[Anonymous]

DH and I were biglaw lawyers...I left to SAH when our oldest was 1.

DH is now a partner (rainmaker)...he only answers to his clients so he adjusts his schedule around the kids--comes home to spend evenings with them (then works after they are in bed if needed), manages to slip out early once a week to coach their sports teams, if he needs to work on weekends, he tries to do so remotely after they are in bed.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty miserable unless you outsource (to a nanny, to a stay-at-home spouse). I've gone to a couple of the work-life balance events and the only real advice that people ever give there is to outsource. I personally don't want to outsource the care of my kids (completely understand that some people think/feel differently), so I'm likely on my way out as soon as non-biglaw options start opening up.

[Anonymous]

I am a big law sahm. Dh is home by 7:30. He will work after the kids go to bed and sometimes on weekends. I only have cleaning help once a week and thankfully he doesn't travel too often. No local family but our parents come in to help when we know he is having crazy weeks.

[Anonymous]

PPs nailed it - either hire out a bunch of the work or have one parent at home. I know families with all sorts of configurations, and the kids are all FINE. So it is a matter of how high your career rates on your personal scale of "things that make you happy." My work makes me happy-ish, so I do it about 30 hours a week and do all of the primary parenting while my BigLaw spouse works. We've also done it the other way, with me working long hours while he clerked, which in his case was not super strenuous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a big law sahm. Dh is home by 7:30. He will work after the kids go to bed and sometimes on weekends. I only have cleaning help once a week and thankfully he doesn't travel too often. No local family but our parents come in to help when we know he is having crazy weeks.

What is a big law sahm? You used to be in big law but now you stay home? Your DH is in big law and you stay home?

[Anonymous]

DH is biglaw (not partner) and works a LOT. Gunning to make partner in the next few years. But he still tries to see the baby at least once a day and comes home early whenever he can. Plus on the weekends he sees baby and we do a lot of family things.

I WAH full time and we have one kid with another on the way. I have no idea how people do it with two parents who work out of the house. My job is flexible and I can easily do errands, doctors appointments, laundry, cooking during the day without it affecting my job. Kid is in daycare down the street and when new baby comes he/she will also be in daycare. No nanny or housekeeper. We do have a cleaning service come every 3 weeks but thats about it. Still paying off student loans so aren't too frivolous with our money!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, all us BigLaw mothers are so selfish and evil for choosing this path.

Defensive much? No one said that, but you're obviously projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a big law sahm. Dh is home by 7:30. He will work after the kids go to bed and sometimes on weekends. I only have cleaning help once a week and thankfully he doesn't travel too often. No local family but our parents come in to help when we know he is having crazy weeks.

What is a big law sahm? You used to be in big law but now you stay home? Your DH is in big law and you stay home?

Ha! pretty sure she meant the latter.

[Anonymous]

When you need a day nanny and a night nanny to raise your children, what is the point of even having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you need a day nanny and a night nanny to raise your children, what is the point of even having kids?

But once you make partner, and have tons of money , your time is much more flexible (business development lunches, client interaction, etc). Kids are entering older elem and quite capable to travel, take on adventure, help guide them towards building their own life. Plus you will have money to give them almost endless options, they can pursue arts or charitable work and not have to make the trade offs BigLaw parents have to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you need a day nanny and a night nanny to raise your children, what is the point of even having kids?

But once you make partner, and have tons of money , your time is much more flexible (business development lunches, client interaction, etc). Kids are entering older elem and quite capable to travel, take on adventure, help guide them towards building their own life. Plus you will have money to give them almost endless options, they can pursue arts or charitable work and not have to make the trade offs BigLaw parents have to make.

This is either sarcasm, or you are an optimistic 3L. The partners at my firm are in the office earlier and later than most of the associates. After a few years of being partner, they look like they've aged 20 years.