Can you prepare to be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

I'd suggest pretending like the money is gone today. Live on your husbands salary. Start saving your salary. Do away with all frills. Take your lunch to work, you get the idea. I'd buy a book from Dave Ramsay and get on his program. It works and there's no reason why you can't make this work.

There's no way you're going to be able to afford to sell your house now after living in it for a year unless you put down a massive down payment. Otherwise you are going to have to come up with the money to cover the real estate commission plus all of the other costs associated with a move.

I'd also try very hard to salvage what you can at work. We obviously have no idea what happened, but as an earlier posted observed, don't give up yet. Fight!

[Anonymous]

Do you have a room you can rent out? When I was a single mom, that's what worked well for us.

[Anonymous]

OK, I stayed home with my daughter for four months when she was around 18 months and then with my newborn son and daughter (only part time - she was in preschool) for 6 months. I am not good at the stay at home thing so the following helped:

- structure your day as someone else mentioned. Park AM, lunch at home, nap and then park PM or zoo or playgroup. It makes it all go SOO much faster
- use this forum or neighborhood lists to join or start a playgroup. Try to set up at least one meeting a week (ideally two) they will change off at people's home or parks when the weather is nice and of course, are free.
- I found the time from post nap to bedtime horrible. I was exhausted and wanted my day to be over but the hardest part had just begun. So really focus on how to get through the 4 - 8 time. I actually started a play group at that time b/c everyone agreed it was a really tough time of day.
- Does your library have story time? It will be well worth traveling to find one.
- do you have a community center? They sometimes offer free classes.
- museums downtown - free! Your toddler can run around and your newborn can sleep.
- Find at home activities that take up some time. I found art projects lasted about 30 minutes and then I tough acckkk, what do we do now??
- don't be afraid to use the TV for your toddler when at home with you newborn trying to breastfeed, put to sleep etc. We managed to keep it to 30 minutes just once a day, but I would not have been shy to take it up to twice that. It will be your only option for down time, particularly as it will take a long time for you infant to have any schedule.

Lastly, I must comment on your original post and your comment about your husband being disappointed in you. Please don't put that on yourself now. You are going to go through a huge life change - it is that simple. To be honest your husband should be thanking you for doing the toughest job in the world. Each couple is a team and you will both be doing your part.

Good luck! And remember, just because you are home all of the time does not mean you will be a perfect mom. The house still won't be as clean as you want, the kids won't be happy 100% of the time, and dinner will not be ready when your husband comes home. Kids don't work that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, I stayed home with my daughter for four months when she was around 18 months and then with my newborn son and daughter (only part time - she was in preschool) for 6 months. I am not good at the stay at home thing so the following helped:

- structure your day as someone else mentioned. Park AM, lunch at home, nap and then park PM or zoo or playgroup. It makes it all go SOO much faster
- use this forum or neighborhood lists to join or start a playgroup. Try to set up at least one meeting a week (ideally two) they will change off at people's home or parks when the weather is nice and of course, are free.
- I found the time from post nap to bedtime horrible. I was exhausted and wanted my day to be over but the hardest part had just begun. So really focus on how to get through the 4 - 8 time. I actually started a play group at that time b/c everyone agreed it was a really tough time of day.
- Does your library have story time? It will be well worth traveling to find one.
- do you have a community center? They sometimes offer free classes.
- museums downtown - free! Your toddler can run around and your newborn can sleep.
- Find at home activities that take up some time. I found art projects lasted about 30 minutes and then I tough acckkk, what do we do now??
- don't be afraid to use the TV for your toddler when at home with you newborn trying to breastfeed, put to sleep etc. We managed to keep it to 30 minutes just once a day, but I would not have been shy to take it up to twice that. It will be your only option for down time, particularly as it will take a long time for you infant to have any schedule.

Lastly, I must comment on your original post and your comment about your husband being disappointed in you. Please don't put that on yourself now. You are going to go through a huge life change - it is that simple. To be honest your husband should be thanking you for doing the toughest job in the world. Each couple is a team and you will both be doing your part.

Good luck! And remember, just because you are home all of the time does not mean you will be a perfect mom. The house still won't be as clean as you want, the kids won't be happy 100% of the time, and dinner will not be ready when your husband comes home. Kids don't work that way.

Yes, I agree. Full time parenting is the hardest, but most important job there is.

[Anonymous]

Be sure to schedule some sleep, as well as "me" time. It's impossible to predict how your life as a SAHM will be until the new baby gets here. My youngest was a terrible sleeper and very fussy as a baby, so my adventure as a SAHM with her and a 15 month old was very trying -- so sleep and "me" time became very important. I echo 17:36's ideas, particularly the part about having a structured day. I took my kids for a long walk every morning, we had lunch, nap and an afternoon activity. Also don't be afraid to budget for a sitter - you will need one for sanity's sake. lastly, I would see if you could get to a therapist to explore that whole issue with your DH... I'm not sure what is going on there, but guilt on top of being a new mommy doesn't mesh.

I think the latest issue of Real Simple magazine had some profiles of women who had lost their jobs and managed to turn their lives around for the better.