Red flags mean should see
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Anonymous
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Whether the woman has friends. Not people they work with friends, but long-term, life-long friends. All of the crazy bitches that I have ever known have no long-term friends. Because they are crazy and alienate people.
My mother included. |
Anonymous
I am not crazy, and I don't think I alienate people. I am simply a loner. Glad DH saw through that. In fact, I have the type of personality most guys adore and find very compatible. So... maybe you should revise your policy? You may miss out on an awesome partner. |
Anonymous
Agreed....and usually the woman is jealous of the friends the man has that probably go back a very long time. |
Anonymous
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2 male friends.
1. They were sexually incompatible from the get go. Neither one was wrong, just different tastes. He thought he would be OK being more vanilla for her. After about a year of marriage they started to have some issues and she decided to try to indulge in his sexual interests. She didn't like it so it was back to vanilla. He hasn't cheated but the incompatibility has become a major issue in their marriage. Their appetites were just the tip of the iceberg of how different they are. 2. Other friend ignored that his now wife is a chronic liar. She never really lied to him but friends and family started exposing her lies to him. His family can't stand her because of the lies. She loses friends all the time because of the lying. Now they are married and he's miserable. I think he's embarrassed by her and how she presents herself to others. |
Anonymous
Why would you want to get married if you are a loner? |
Anonymous
Because I'm not a monk? I don't know. I like having a partner, and I like being married. Go figure. |
Anonymous
Seriously, folks, I have no idea where do you get these ideas 
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Anonymous
Introverts can get married too. |
Anonymous
Because it can indicate a serious problem and is more common than you seem to believe (or want to believe). Take BPDs for instance. One of the hallmarks of someone with long term BPD is the failure to maintain long-term relationships. Or the alienation of relationships that have survived longer-term. Personally, I don't like the term "red flag". It suggests finality on the basis of an indicator. Sure, anomalous behavior should attract attention, but shouldn't be the conclusion. For example, the lack of friends or alienation of relationships. Could be BPD. Could also be a person who isn't a "loner" but is more judicious in extending friendships. It could also be the result of that person having emerged from an abusive past. One of the principal ways abuse is continued is through isolating a person. Taking them out of the "family and friend" zone so they are entirely dependent upon the abuser. |
Anonymous
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I don't see how not having multiple life-long friends is anomalous behavior. People drift away. I'm still friendly with a few of my college mates. However, we live on the opposite sides of the country/world, we have other obligations. Yes, there is time for an occational email or phone call, but that's about it.
I lived in another state for 10 years and befriended someone. Now we moved again, and all that's left are emails. Which is cool. Again, with FT work and a young child, there's hardly time or energy for anything more involved. I move it's the story for majority of people. What's different seems rather anomalous to me. |
Anonymous
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Here are red flags I either ignored or didn't see
1. Drinking problem. 2. Used drugs in the past 3. Unable to manage finances 4. No money in bank account although no student loans or other bills 5. Sexual mismatch (I like frequent and dirty sex. 6. Crazy family 7. Lying |
Anonymous
I'm similar in that I've moved frequently for work and have a high pressure and time consuming career. I'm also married. I do have childhood friends. That being said, I think your story still tells someone that you don't value friendships as much as others do. Same could be said of me. If you did then you'd still make time to have friends despite the young child and the move. Doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. |
Anonymous
Introverts aren't loners. |
Anonymous
Shocking that you would have mommy issues. |
Anonymous
Actually, some of us are. Many of us prefer a small handful of "trusted insiders" to lots of acquaintances. There are about 3 people who have an all-access pass to my life, one of whom I married, and two I birthed. I've got about 5 close (and long-term, since junior high) friends I keep in somewhat frequent contact with, and about 50 friends on social media, all of whom are my actual friends, but we aren't especially close. Given a choice, I could happily go weeks without seeing/having contact with anyone. That's pretty much the definition of "loner", isn't it? |